Haven’t paid rent in months!

If your ADHD is at a high level which affects managing finances then surely a trusted friend or relative could manage for the person.
its all very well trying to make the person independent however it would stop financial debt.
maybe vouchers could be given for food and rent deduction automatic in OP’s case it would also protect children

Right. Well you have done well getting StepChange involved rather than one of those companies that advertise they'll get creditors to write off your debt, charge you a fortune and half the time put people into an unsuitable debt management plan that goes belly up. Some banks have a notification system that pings you when you make a purchase, and shows you your predicted (direct debit etc) outgoings in next 30 days. Some people are going back to cash to manage their spontaneous spending to feel more able to keep track.

Well, I'm in a debt management plan with the charity step-change due to the difficulties I did get myself in! That means I make one payment to them and they split it across who I owe money to.

Setting up the plan meant I no longer have any access to credit or overdrafts so I can't get into more debt.

I have set up all my direct debits to come out as close to pay day as possible so what is left over is the amount I have to last the rest of the month. I try to check my account regularly but still find it a struggle to make the link between purchases I make and how much money that will leave me with.

I mean, I can add up but it is like there is this blind spot or gap between the two decisions - almost like my brain can't link the cause and effect of spending / budgeting!!

So, ideally I would consciously think and plan each purchase - no matter how small. The challenge with that is my struggle to focus when making those decisions or remembering what I've spent.

For example, I'll go to the shop and know that I have X amount to spend but then just completely forget or I will make a purchase and think to myself "I must note that down" but again, despite being absolutely committed to doing that i will completely forget again.

Spontaneous purchases are also another pitfall.

It is a work in progress and certainly isn't easy but the stress of getting into such a financial mess previously plus knowing that no matter what my essentials are paid definitely has helped.

What do you do to organise your budget? You come across as quite articulate so I am guessing you have strategies to help you budget - maybe these could help others?

Well it is great that your son's ADHD doesn't impact his ability to manage his finances but as I'm sure you know, ADHD doesn't affect everyone in the same way.

My ADHD for example, very much does mean I struggle to keep track of my budget and I can easily imagine getting into a situation similar to the OPs because of this.

I knew this because of a relative's case already but I've looked up a link to Citizens Advice which provides more detailed info
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/benefits/universal-credit/on-universal-credit/change-how-your-universal-credit-is-paid-in-scotland/?origin=serp_auto

It is when they have rent arrears or are paying random insufficient amounts erratically over a period of time. The default position is they are expected to pay their own rent. But after a certain amount of rent arrears/erratic payments, direct payments are a possibility

So is this when they already have rent arrears
and is it a new policy
I was unaware of this

In Scotland, they do allow direct payments if the benefit claimant is not paying their rent and is at risk of losing their private tenancy. I know because a relative was involved in such a case in Scotland

Yes agreed you cannot keep blaming MH or ADHD.
its now common to do this.
however in Scotland the local authorities would not allow direct payment

@TwigletsAndRadishes I'm social minded but there's a limit- if you have the capacity to post on mumsnet you have the capacity to check your bank even if it's once a month- I know like isn't black and white but with kids lives at risk you have to at least know what's been paid/hasnt-

Great. Let's advertise that you can just blame your MH or ADHD and you can run up months of arrears and let the tax payer pay them off for you. Why bother charging rent in the first place then? Given that that rent is often paid for by the benefits system in the first place? For people who are not in work, the housing element of UC should ALWAYS be paid directly to the landlord, whether it's private or HA. It would save everyone a fortune in the long run and would encourage LLs to be less reluctant to take tenants who might turn out to be a complete liability.

You can apply to your local authority for a grant to help pay off the arrears. You need to show them evidence, but local authorities have this type of support, now. Get on the phone to them and also make sure you apply for PIP and sickness element on UC.

You can also contact Stepchange - Free debt charity who handle all of your debts for you and help set up a payment plan. They talk to the debtors and make the payments.

It's a difficulty but I am on side of people having personal responsibility. The whole point of UC was to give people their benefits in a way they'd learn to budget so (when they'd get a job) they'd be able to manage money when it wasn't managed for them by the state paying their rent, for instance. We've been here before. Back in 1980, when my father left, my mother's benefits were paid net of rent as that was paid direct to the Council. After a while, Govt decided to pay rent to benefit claimant with their other money and require them to pay Council. It was again an attempt to get benefit claimants to start acting in a responsible manner. What did my mother do? She knowingly spent the rent money on whatever she wanted (not on us kids) and we ended up in rent arrears. I had to take over (aged 15) to sort the situation out. Some time later, Govt reversed the policy and started to pay benefits net of rent again. Then UC came in, re-reversing the policy and putting responsibility back on benefit claimant so they'd learn to budget. I also worked in a High St bank dealing with all sorts of customers. I've seen all this from very many angles. On balance, I don't think in most circumstances benefit claimants are helped in the long run by being excused from personal responsibility. It just creates a dependency culture which is not good for the benefit claimant.

@missb10 OMG RTFT.

OMG what a situation! OP, get in touch with the new landlord and tell him what has happened. This can actually happen quite easily if you don't keep track of your bank account.

I know. It's appalling isn't it? People are so quick to excuse and justify a lack of personal responsibility these days. They really do seem to think that LLs, utility companies, local authorities etc are there purely to act as a charity.

I think LLs should be entitled to apply for the tenant's housing element of universal credit to be paid directly to them if the tenant repeatedly goes into arrears. If a tenant has MH issues or is just bad at budgeting or low on conscientiousness, then it does them a massive favour in the end. Whatever else might happen, at least they and their children won't be evicted for non-payment of rent.

This has to be a wind up, COL has crippled you and you didn’t realise at all that you suddenly had a whole rent worth of extra cash in your account every month? Doesn’t sound remotely believable

The original landlord died. His father took over after the son died. But. Considering Probate (England/Wales) or Confirmation (Scotland) doesn't let an Executor do anything very much until they've got all the details of estate listed and officially authorised to act (which can take months even if the deceased was organised with their finances), so the new landlord may not have been aware OP stopped paying coincidently from what I can gather around the time original landlord (deceased son) died. The new landlord (bereaved father) was unlikely to have been able to mandate the rent going to his account prior to gaining Probate/Confirmation. But the tenant should have been aware because there are a lot of ways to check your account nowadays and they could have set aside the money in a separate account quite easily

Is it the original landlord on this thread has died? So she needed to change her rent to the new landlord and that did not happen somehow?

Yes possibly the bank account was closed as original ll is now dead

So yes Would have bounced Back but if op doesn't check her balance age wouldn't have known

Tho it would show this

Well definitely speak to the bank, if you've been paying from your account via standing order, for 3.5 years why did it suddenly stop?
Although if the account of the ll was closed that's a possibility, but surely it would have shown as bounced back?

This was the same for me as a kid, we walked everywhere as my parents didn’t drive anyway. We didn’t have all the other novelties as well we have today, Xmas Eve boxes, elf on the shelf, Halloween was a bon bags and nails, the house wasn’t full of decorations. My two children are growing up in a world with constant add ons and they expect it now. We can’t even go to the local shop without some expectation I’ll buy them things. I think the 90’s were simpler.

Speak to the landlord, tell him the mistake then speak to the bank and ask them to work out who made the error - if they themselves messed up, they should be able to assist.

Glad things are getting worked out,

Can understand the shock, but not how you were struggling for money if 6 months rent was added to your budget and spent on essential items.

Might be worth connecting with citizens advice, gingerbread. 3 DC is a lot to cope with and especially when it seems you are struggling with yourself currently. Good to see what other help and support may be available.