Neighbour is a convicted paedophile

Abitlosttoday · 2024-10-30T21:17:23+00:00

I have just found out that our close (proximity-wise) neighbour has been given a suspended sentence for looking at peadophilia online. His address, in the news report of court proceedings, is not our street but an address in a different town. However, it is him (there's a clear photo) and he has been living on our street with his partner for at least a year. I saw him a few days ago when he pulled his two dogs out of the way so I could pass with my kids. They're 4 and 7. (The kids, not the dogs!) I don't know what to think. It's a small street. I can see into his living room from mine. It's a small town too. His partner is my SIL's sister's boss. I don't know their names though - that's the level of familiarity. Just because my head is battered with half-term and I am exhausted, aibu to ask what your thoughts would be about this situation. All his crimes were online but some of the images were the worst sort. We only know because another neighbour has a distant work connection to the guy. He may believe he has some anonymity here. I cried when I heard. I'm angry too. My head hurts, but that may also be because of this endless school break!

ZoeSed · 04/11/2024 10:52

He will have conditions he has to follow you need to ensure his address has been updated because he may not be able to live within a certain proximity to children

NoisyDenimShaker · 03/11/2024 01:49

Darkblueandgreen · 30/10/2024 23:44

I agree. I don’t know why pedophiles are ever released.

I know this sounds horrible and it’s upsetting but they’re attracted to children, prison won’t stop that. People don’t like to discuss it because it sounds horrendous to say that children are someone’s ‘type’ but it’s true. Whether it’s a genuine attraction or one based on power, that attraction is still there no matter how long they go to prison.

Some pedophiles have tried to chemically and physically castrate themselves, have contacted helplines and have even resorted to suicide because they cannot stop feeling that attraction.

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It must be more evil than simply feeling attraction though, because I've met plenty of men I've been attracted to but I've never wanted to force unwanted touch on them! And if it was only (only!) a matter of attraction, the fact that it's wrong and is guaranteed to damage the children would stop them. I'm not sure I believe the attraction hypothesis. I think it's power and control, like all sexual abuse. And like all forms of violence, it comes from wickedness and evil. I think pedos try to pebble this attraction thing so that people will feel sorry for them and say they're unwell. Like all people who attack others, they're just monsters - but particularly sick ones.

HollyKnight · 01/11/2024 21:39

Hmm well then I don't understand how you can say there are people on the register who are not actually a viable risk to children. Whether that be paedophillia, incest, bestiality, necrophillia etc, they've already crossed the line into sexual deviancy. It isn't their morals that are stopping them from progressing. Hence they are all a risk to other people.

Oldanddelulu · 01/11/2024 19:55

Oh I realise (and know) a lot more than you think. But this isn’t the place for a lecture on sexual recidivism

HollyKnight · 01/11/2024 18:54

Oldanddelulu · 01/11/2024 14:28

Ok, really simplifying it (yet being oddly specific) as an example. A pattern I saw a lot (yes, there is an element of having an excuse etc) was as follows; Person is going through a difficult life experience, uses common self-soothing tools, such as masturbation, drugs and alcohol to ‘feel better’. Life spirals, use of those tools increases, the porn they always used no longer gives them the thrill it once did (same as any other addiction), they start looking at harder stuff (on legitimate sites still at this time), they look for more, they find sites that, although they are legal, allows pop-ups for things that are close to the line… the use of alcohol and certain drugs (cocaine particularly) acts as a disinhibitor, and the once sturdy boundary of not watching extreme porn is overcome…they click on those links, they take them to other sites with access to more extreme images… and down the addiction rabbit hole we go. It’s the extremity of the image that gives them the thrill. The shock factor. Not the child, if that makes sense. Some people have images of beasitiality, it doesn’t mean they’re sexually attracted to your poodle. Also, these links often lead to sharing forums where they don’t necessarily know what is in the files they’re receiving. There could be 300,000 images of adults engaging in consenting acts, and 50 category A images that they’ve never actually accessed.
This is just an example of how people can end up on the register without actually being a viable risk to children. Please don’t think I am minimising these offences. Demand does increase the supply, and indeed, some people convicted of online offences are absolutely a risk to children in real life. But my point was, look after your children, be vigilant of ALL behaviour around your children. That man might be the least risky man in your child’s life at this moment in time.

This is just an example of how people can end up on the register without actually being a viable risk to children.

The thing you're leaving out, or maybe don't realise, is that when someone's morals and boundaries have been eroded to this degree, their behaviour will continue to escalate if they are not removed from society. Because it will get to a point where they become so desensitised to images of child abuse that it won't be enough to give them that thrill anymore. Sometimes all it takes is opportunity for them to take the next step into physically abusing someone else. There isn't as big a step between viewing images and physically harming someone as you might think.

And once that step has been taken, there is no undoing it.

Anyone whose morals and boundaries are corrupted will always be a danger to other people.

Mjmum10 · 01/11/2024 18:46

I did not say in that scenario it would be the mother's fault, way to reach. I don't engage with people who are aggressive sorry, your definitely the type of person I keep away from my children
Only person I really trust with my kids are very close family. Basically just my mum and partner. I have never seen anything but loving, normal behaviour from them. If something were to happen, which it won't, I wouldn't blame myself or someone in that situation.

What I am trying to say, if I'm supervising my kids, or their dad is, they're much safer to me than at the mercy of a stranger. I don't let my son play outside without supervision.
I stand by my statement strangers are overall more of a risk. And the risk has gone up in the last 20 years with mental health, drug use, increased population and the depravity of the internet. This post highlights it, you could have a nonce next door and not know. I sympathise with the op.
Don't like my opinion, got anymore hypothetical situations or words to put in my mouth? Don't care, move on

HRTQueen · 01/11/2024 16:39

Oldanddelulu · 01/11/2024 14:28

Ok, really simplifying it (yet being oddly specific) as an example. A pattern I saw a lot (yes, there is an element of having an excuse etc) was as follows; Person is going through a difficult life experience, uses common self-soothing tools, such as masturbation, drugs and alcohol to ‘feel better’. Life spirals, use of those tools increases, the porn they always used no longer gives them the thrill it once did (same as any other addiction), they start looking at harder stuff (on legitimate sites still at this time), they look for more, they find sites that, although they are legal, allows pop-ups for things that are close to the line… the use of alcohol and certain drugs (cocaine particularly) acts as a disinhibitor, and the once sturdy boundary of not watching extreme porn is overcome…they click on those links, they take them to other sites with access to more extreme images… and down the addiction rabbit hole we go. It’s the extremity of the image that gives them the thrill. The shock factor. Not the child, if that makes sense. Some people have images of beasitiality, it doesn’t mean they’re sexually attracted to your poodle. Also, these links often lead to sharing forums where they don’t necessarily know what is in the files they’re receiving. There could be 300,000 images of adults engaging in consenting acts, and 50 category A images that they’ve never actually accessed.
This is just an example of how people can end up on the register without actually being a viable risk to children. Please don’t think I am minimising these offences. Demand does increase the supply, and indeed, some people convicted of online offences are absolutely a risk to children in real life. But my point was, look after your children, be vigilant of ALL behaviour around your children. That man might be the least risky man in your child’s life at this moment in time.

Yes have heard similar or depression and confusion over their sexuality

And no surprise that a few years down the line what happens they are caught again

It may be the shock factor, they cruelty, the wrongness of it all its all irrelevant that have become part of the abuse cycle so are a danger to children hence why the are on the sex register

Original poster

Abitlosttoday · 01/11/2024 16:39

Soapy23 · 01/11/2024 16:24

He might have a twin brother or something? If you don’t know his name you don’t know for definite it’s him?

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See my previous comment re. Eastenders plotlines and the fact that I am not living in one.

OP posts:

Soapy23 · 01/11/2024 16:24

Abitlosttoday · 30/10/2024 21:26

I don't think I can do anything. I am wondering what other people would think and feel about this as I have been rather blindsided by it. I'm living 50 yards from a convicted peadophile with two small children. I'm not a gossip, which is why I am on an anonymous forum and not the town Facebook page. It's him, he has a face, it's in the paper.

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He might have a twin brother or something? If you don’t know his name you don’t know for definite it’s him?

BlackOrangeFrog · 01/11/2024 16:21

Mjmum10 · 01/11/2024 15:55

Too many
It won't let me reply, but there has been an increase in perverse and evil behaviour in society. I have witnessed something horrific that wasn't reported in the news, not everything is reported on. I have learned to trust no one. So my young children will not be going out unsupervised until I am confident they are old enough to recognise risk.
If I knew a pedo lived close enough to see into my house, I probably couldn't stay there to be honest. I'd find it too unsettling.
As for kids being less safe in their own homes, that's not true if your a good parent. I have a very small circle of people I'd trust alone with my child. All family. I didn't let anyone look after my eldest alone until he could speak clearly enough. There will always be risk in life but I do what I can to keep my child safe. Strangers are always more of a risk

And it's pretty fucking poor form to suggest that the mother of the child that was raped by the father of the child wasn't a good parent.
That's like saying you're bad parent because a drunk driver knocked your child over in the road, but as you're suck a great parent you would have somehow magically known the car was going to come screaming round the corner and your child would have been safe because you're a good mother. As though somehow it's the mother's fault if the children are abused.

If you actually knew anything about CSA, you'd know the parents are often groomed alongside the children.

These fuckers prey on vulnerable women and children.

BlackOrangeFrog · 01/11/2024 16:19

Kibble29 · 01/11/2024 14:45

I see quite a few “this can happen accidentally” posts.

Does anyone know someone personally who has inadvertently ended up with child abuse images or videos on their phone or computer?

Of course they don't, it's a deliberate act to find it.

Even legitimate sexual image/video sites will block certain terms (even though they wouldn't host the material).

You can't stumble across it.

You either look for it, ask for it, or are in Comms with people who have access - who wouldn't send it unsolicited.

BalletCat · 01/11/2024 16:14

Mjmum10 · 01/11/2024 15:55

Too many
It won't let me reply, but there has been an increase in perverse and evil behaviour in society. I have witnessed something horrific that wasn't reported in the news, not everything is reported on. I have learned to trust no one. So my young children will not be going out unsupervised until I am confident they are old enough to recognise risk.
If I knew a pedo lived close enough to see into my house, I probably couldn't stay there to be honest. I'd find it too unsettling.
As for kids being less safe in their own homes, that's not true if your a good parent. I have a very small circle of people I'd trust alone with my child. All family. I didn't let anyone look after my eldest alone until he could speak clearly enough. There will always be risk in life but I do what I can to keep my child safe. Strangers are always more of a risk

Strangers are always more of a risk

That simply isn't true.

2/3rds of CSA are perpetrated by family members. Strangers don't have access to your children unless they straight up abduct them which is unusual. It's the people you trust enough to give access to your children that have the opportunity to abuse them.

BlackOrangeFrog · 01/11/2024 16:13

Mjmum10 · 01/11/2024 15:55

Too many
It won't let me reply, but there has been an increase in perverse and evil behaviour in society. I have witnessed something horrific that wasn't reported in the news, not everything is reported on. I have learned to trust no one. So my young children will not be going out unsupervised until I am confident they are old enough to recognise risk.
If I knew a pedo lived close enough to see into my house, I probably couldn't stay there to be honest. I'd find it too unsettling.
As for kids being less safe in their own homes, that's not true if your a good parent. I have a very small circle of people I'd trust alone with my child. All family. I didn't let anyone look after my eldest alone until he could speak clearly enough. There will always be risk in life but I do what I can to keep my child safe. Strangers are always more of a risk

Believe me, strangers on the street are absolutely not more of a risk of sexually abusing your children. They just aren't

The person that will do that is your husband/brother/father/uncle/granddad...or the family friend. Basically the trusted adults are the absolute maximum risk to your child.

Mjmum10 · 01/11/2024 15:55

Too many
It won't let me reply, but there has been an increase in perverse and evil behaviour in society. I have witnessed something horrific that wasn't reported in the news, not everything is reported on. I have learned to trust no one. So my young children will not be going out unsupervised until I am confident they are old enough to recognise risk.
If I knew a pedo lived close enough to see into my house, I probably couldn't stay there to be honest. I'd find it too unsettling.
As for kids being less safe in their own homes, that's not true if your a good parent. I have a very small circle of people I'd trust alone with my child. All family. I didn't let anyone look after my eldest alone until he could speak clearly enough. There will always be risk in life but I do what I can to keep my child safe. Strangers are always more of a risk

BlackOrangeFrog · 01/11/2024 15:11

Mjmum10 · 01/11/2024 14:45

It's sickening that people like this live amongst us. I wish it was safe for children to go out and play, but our justice system doesn't impose harsh sentences for such despicable people
I personally wouldn't let my children out my sight with a monster like that living so near. If your in a position to move away from him I would. I hope everyone in the area with children is aware of the risk he poses

It is safe for children to go out and play. How many children do you think get abducted in the UK from strangers?

Kids are far less safe in their own homes from trusted adults than they are playing outside.

Mjmum10 · 01/11/2024 14:45

It's sickening that people like this live amongst us. I wish it was safe for children to go out and play, but our justice system doesn't impose harsh sentences for such despicable people
I personally wouldn't let my children out my sight with a monster like that living so near. If your in a position to move away from him I would. I hope everyone in the area with children is aware of the risk he poses

Kibble29 · 01/11/2024 14:45

I see quite a few “this can happen accidentally” posts.

Does anyone know someone personally who has inadvertently ended up with child abuse images or videos on their phone or computer?

Begsthequestion · 01/11/2024 14:36

Oldanddelulu · 01/11/2024 14:28

Ok, really simplifying it (yet being oddly specific) as an example. A pattern I saw a lot (yes, there is an element of having an excuse etc) was as follows; Person is going through a difficult life experience, uses common self-soothing tools, such as masturbation, drugs and alcohol to ‘feel better’. Life spirals, use of those tools increases, the porn they always used no longer gives them the thrill it once did (same as any other addiction), they start looking at harder stuff (on legitimate sites still at this time), they look for more, they find sites that, although they are legal, allows pop-ups for things that are close to the line… the use of alcohol and certain drugs (cocaine particularly) acts as a disinhibitor, and the once sturdy boundary of not watching extreme porn is overcome…they click on those links, they take them to other sites with access to more extreme images… and down the addiction rabbit hole we go. It’s the extremity of the image that gives them the thrill. The shock factor. Not the child, if that makes sense. Some people have images of beasitiality, it doesn’t mean they’re sexually attracted to your poodle. Also, these links often lead to sharing forums where they don’t necessarily know what is in the files they’re receiving. There could be 300,000 images of adults engaging in consenting acts, and 50 category A images that they’ve never actually accessed.
This is just an example of how people can end up on the register without actually being a viable risk to children. Please don’t think I am minimising these offences. Demand does increase the supply, and indeed, some people convicted of online offences are absolutely a risk to children in real life. But my point was, look after your children, be vigilant of ALL behaviour around your children. That man might be the least risky man in your child’s life at this moment in time.

Considering the amount of extreme acts available to view on mainstream sites, then the acts these men are seeking out on these sharing site that show adults must mean rape, torture, snuff etc.

If anything that makes them a grave danger to female adults as well as children.

Oldanddelulu · 01/11/2024 14:28

Ok, really simplifying it (yet being oddly specific) as an example. A pattern I saw a lot (yes, there is an element of having an excuse etc) was as follows; Person is going through a difficult life experience, uses common self-soothing tools, such as masturbation, drugs and alcohol to ‘feel better’. Life spirals, use of those tools increases, the porn they always used no longer gives them the thrill it once did (same as any other addiction), they start looking at harder stuff (on legitimate sites still at this time), they look for more, they find sites that, although they are legal, allows pop-ups for things that are close to the line… the use of alcohol and certain drugs (cocaine particularly) acts as a disinhibitor, and the once sturdy boundary of not watching extreme porn is overcome…they click on those links, they take them to other sites with access to more extreme images… and down the addiction rabbit hole we go. It’s the extremity of the image that gives them the thrill. The shock factor. Not the child, if that makes sense. Some people have images of beasitiality, it doesn’t mean they’re sexually attracted to your poodle. Also, these links often lead to sharing forums where they don’t necessarily know what is in the files they’re receiving. There could be 300,000 images of adults engaging in consenting acts, and 50 category A images that they’ve never actually accessed.
This is just an example of how people can end up on the register without actually being a viable risk to children. Please don’t think I am minimising these offences. Demand does increase the supply, and indeed, some people convicted of online offences are absolutely a risk to children in real life. But my point was, look after your children, be vigilant of ALL behaviour around your children. That man might be the least risky man in your child’s life at this moment in time.

BurntCoconut · 01/11/2024 14:11

Zebracat · 01/11/2024 11:19

We moved house and I met a nice elderly neighbour, we became quite friendly. I helped him with his front garden. He was taken to hospital and I was asked to feed his cats. There were pictures of half naked teenagers on the walls of his house. I was so freaked out. I had a teenage Dd. He’d offered her free piano lessons. He was a convicted paedophile, the other neighbours knew but I had no idea. I think you are very right to be concerned, it helps to safeguard children. I’m no vigilante, I wouldn’t cause that man any harm. But I would also not have talked to him, cut his fucking hedge, or fed his cats. My Dh spoke to him and said we don’t like your pictures, don’t speak to us again. He has since died. You are right to be concerned and I think you have had some really bizarre responses.

I think it was mean of your neighbours not to warn you

Begsthequestion · 01/11/2024 14:08

BurntCoconut · 01/11/2024 14:05

Can it be sent by accident or maliciously to ruin someone ? It's my understanding that if it is sent to you , even if you don't open it you can be convicted ? I remember a woman who was convicted who thought she was downloading adult porn videos and child stuff was mixed in with it unbeknownst to her . Also the policewoman whose sister sent her something dodgy . Because she had it on her phone even though she didn't ask for it she was convicted and lost her job . I'm not making excuses but sometimes I do think innocent people can be convicted. I am so very careful about clicking on links and opening spam .

The police woman you mention won her appeal and is back at her job now.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-57501764

Robyn Williams: Sacked Met officer wins appeal against dismissal

Robyn Williams was sacked after a 36-year career for having a child abuse video on her phone.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-57501764

BurntCoconut · 01/11/2024 14:07

OutVileJelly1 · 01/11/2024 13:31

At least you know who the local peado is, i mean most of us will be living on a street with one , convicted or otherwise, and not even know

This is true .

BurntCoconut · 01/11/2024 14:05

Can it be sent by accident or maliciously to ruin someone ? It's my understanding that if it is sent to you , even if you don't open it you can be convicted ? I remember a woman who was convicted who thought she was downloading adult porn videos and child stuff was mixed in with it unbeknownst to her . Also the policewoman whose sister sent her something dodgy . Because she had it on her phone even though she didn't ask for it she was convicted and lost her job . I'm not making excuses but sometimes I do think innocent people can be convicted. I am so very careful about clicking on links and opening spam .

Kibble29 · 01/11/2024 14:04

Donsyb · 01/11/2024 13:48

Our neighbour defended her husband who had abused their children and other children in the past. Insisted he was innocent, even though he was found guilty (and her own son had committed suicide because of it). 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Yeah, it’s really common and doesn’t surprise me at all. I came across loads of them who had wives visiting/sending them money and sorting things for when they got out.

Crazy.

Valeriekat · 01/11/2024 14:04

Contact police and ask. I would be very concerned too.