DP chooses sports over our TV time - AIBU?

I agree with you in a way though - I don't like much telly either, but it can be nice to choose a film we both like sometimes? Or a series? Obviously it's got to be something we both like, because I'd rather gnaw my own arm off than watch most of what's on.

I think with OP and her husband though, she's trying to find something to do together and he's not even trying? There must be at least one film he wouldn't mind watching. Or he could come up with something else entirely - personally, I'd prefer boardgames or something. There's got to be a bit of give and take with them both because this is what they both like. OP wants to spend time with him, he's not getting involved.

you should both be able to choose a good film together and watch it without the interruption of sports on his phone. I wouldn't accept that from a DC, let alone a grown man. It's family time

Staring at a screen in silence is hardly good quality time, though, is it?

I agree couples should do stuff together without phones, but there's no way I'd waste my evening sat watching something that didn't interest me in the slightest.

That makes no sense though Giddy.

Why on earth should an adult waste an evening watching something they don't want to watch ?
There's load of stuff on TV I don't want to watch. Why should I sit watching something I have no interest in, when there are other things I would enjoy watching? It makes no sense.

I would never make dh watch something he's not interested in, and he would not try and make me watch something I'm not interested in, because we are adult, and capable of making our own choices.

You're both entitled to watch what you want, but I'd hate this. I mean, if you choose a movie to watch together then he should make the time to sit and be present. I'd not accept that.

I don't watch much telly and I hate watching sports, thankfully so does DH, but I hate this in pubs. Just the sound of that horrible football/rugby screaming. It's so bloody boring to me, the whole thing.

If this is a feature of your life, you both need to talk about it though. You knew he liked sports and still got with him, he knew you liked telly. I don't necessarily agree that you should always watch things separately either - you should both be able to choose a good film together and watch it without the interruption of sports on his phone. I wouldn't accept that from a DC, let alone a grown man. It's family time, I'd have had my phone removed if I'd done that as a teen - It's bad manners!

Maybe pick a night or two a week where you both choose something to watch together. But you both choose, and the phone stays away.

Maybe he despises what you want to watch? Just watch different stuff.

Both of you are entitled to like what you like and want to watch what you prefer. Even if that means he only ever wants to watch sport and you only ever want to watch what you like. Why are you allowed to despise sport but he has to want to watch what you watch?

If you have decided TOGETHER to watch something IE if you are 3 seasons in to a box set that you have viewed together that's one thing . If you are just looking for some chill time together that's a different matter. Tell him to put his earbuds in and he can follow the game, while you cuddle up and enjoy your telly programme.

Why watch television anyway.?Plenty of other things to do to relax, keep occupied etc.

It's his hobby. There are far worse ones. You'll just need to let him know that it upsets you and that you don't want him to do it all the time. Ask him at the beginning of each week (as important matches, tournaments will be on different days week to week) which couple of evenings he can allocate his time only to you and what you're doing together? If he says none, that's a problem. If you ask him to let you know in advance what nights are best, everyone's a winner.

Exactly.

Same here.

So he wants to watch sports and you want to watch films or TV series?

Either you just agree that you will each separately watch what you want to watch, or if it is important to both of you to watch things together, then you do 50% of the time both watching sport and 50% both watching films/series, each giving your full attention to whatever the other person wants to watch.

It isn't fair for you to insist that DH always watches what you want to watch, just because you'd like to have company watching it.

Why does spending time together have to equal TV?

Why do you get to choose how he spends his free time? Watching TV every night must be boring in the first place, but then he can't choose what to watch? Maybe take it in turns. If we happen to be having a tv night we do a programme each. Currently he is on the Rookie and I am on Minx

He wants to watch sports. You want to watch TV. Find something else that you can do for 'quality time' and then watch what you like.

Can't blame him, hardly been anything decent on TV for years now. In fact I don't even turn it on anymore.

Watching TV together is hardly quality time though, is it? It's just two people staring at the same screen in silence.

DH and I not only watch different things, we use different TV's on different floors of the house 🤷‍♀️

Yabu.

He's an adult and very very very clearly doesn't want to spend his free time watching tv.

The two of you are not compatible in what you want to do with your home downtime. That is up to you if that's a deal breaker for you.

He doesn't want that time to be your TV time together and that's okay. There are times we watch different things and times we watch things together. Noone gets to dictate. Indeed sport is better on the bigger screen and he hasn't insisted it be on TV but is just putting up with it on his phone to let you watch YOUR show.

My partner wants to "watch TV/films together", and gets a bit sniffy if my attention isn't on it.

I don't get it. I'm not particularly into TV or films, and would rather be focused on my own reading that does interest me. (Which I have told him)

We're not interacting in a way that needs me to be watching it (i.e. we might be snuggled up, but I'm not more or less snuggled because I am or am not paying attention to the screen)

Me not watching doesn't affect him (I'm not making any noise and I don't ask questions about the show, and anyway I prefer to just background listen to it, like a radio play).

So, I get it if your partner is distracting or disrupting your viewing, that's annoying. But if they're quietly and unobtrusively doing their own thing, question to OP & anyone who does care whether their partner watches TV with them - what is it about doing this (to me) solo activity "together" that's important to you?

Because I feel like the OP's question is in two parts:

1. Is a partner being distracting/asking questions while you're watching a show annoying/disrespectful (which I think it certainly can be) and
2. Is it disrespectful that they are not giving their attention to the TV time "together" (where I don't think so, they're just signalling they're not interested in the show, and anyway, I don't understand how watching TV together is "being present" or "spending quality time" with someone anyway).

Who decided this ?
I have been married for more than 30 years and cannot imagine designating a period when we both have to watch the same programme together .

Watching TV together isn't really very sociable. People don't try to read the same book together, we accept that we all like different things, and only occasionally do our tastes in stories coincide.

whatatodoaboutnothing · Yesterday 21:01
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Perhaps he has the same opinion about the tv you want to watch together

I though the same thing. You need to have something you'll both enjoy; if my wife is watching I'm a Celebrity and all the extra stuff, I go and play on the computer. I actively dislike the programme!

I'm of a similar mindset. I don't despise sport but it bores me to tears watching most of it. (Maybe with the exception of the 2012 Olympics). I'm just not interested and I find them all very shouty. Left alone, I would never, ever watch any sport at all. I go to bed when MOTD comes on.

Its also not nice if one person is an obsessive, sport obsessives are very self centred

What if he said he wanted to watch sport on the TV for your "tv time" - would that then mean your u were being disrespectful by not giving it your full attention?

Watching tv together is a bit of a weak shared interest (especially when you don't even want to watch the same things). Get some proper hobbies together and then both watch what you want.