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Original poster

Not/Thanking people for attending a party?

39 replies

ThisQuaintNavySquid · 30/10/2024 19:31

I threw a party that I spent a lot of time and money organising for a significant birthday. Some people came from far away and I’m so grateful. In the rush to get everything ready and on the table, ensure that everyone was happy, and check that people had everything they needed I didn’t publicly thank people for attending. I did personally thank people and thanked my spouse profusely (personally) for all they did. Someone has mentioned that I didn’t publicly thank my spouse or people for coming. I thought this was okay as I had done a lot of the work, too (it was by no means a one person effort?!) and I thanked people personally.

I was sort of expecting people to thank us for hosting rather than feeling bad for not doing a public thank you. (I find public speaking challenging and I was busy/people were leaving at different times). I didn’t want to make it too formal but I’m not really sad that I didn’t appear grateful.

Did I get this wrong?

OP posts:
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Bo1978 · 12/11/2024 20:50

YANBU

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 10/11/2024 23:46

No, no, no. What is all this drama around supposed etiquette which different factions are making up as they go along? It was nice of you to host and nice of your guests to turn up and/or help. No doubt individual thank yous would be said along the way at some point.

1mabon · 06/11/2024 16:33

They ought to be thanking you for hosting the party, what the dickens is the matter with people?

MissHalloween · 04/11/2024 17:17

I had my 50th birthday party at home and did a little speech and thanked everyone for coming. If I hadn’t have done that I would have definitely thanked everyone individually in conversation, I was genuinely grateful and touched they all came.

MouldyCandy · 04/11/2024 17:13

forgivingfiggy · 30/10/2024 20:13

Nah. Surely the attendees thank you for hosting (and feeding and watering them if applicable). A quick 'thanks for coming' is more than enough, I think.

^ This. The guests thank you for inviting them and hosting them. "Thanks for coming" is definitely enough.

BuildbyNumbere · 04/11/2024 17:09

It’s a party, not a wedding.
Usually at goodbye time it would be, well it was lovely to see you, thanks for coming.
Oh you’re welcome … it’s been a lovely evening, thank you for having us.

Maybe a follow up text later in the week to say thank you if for a gift etc … surely that’s about it.

LouLomumoftwo · 04/11/2024 15:45

i think as long as you said to people as they were leaving "thank you for coming" then thats fine......... i host all the time and i don't give speeches to say say thanks just so everyone can hear me say it, i always say thank you though. It sounds like the person that said this to you didn't feel appreciated and wanted a bigger thanks from you, i wouldn't expect anyone to stand up at a home party and say 'thanks' unless they liked making a fuss. don't worry about it

Original poster
ThisQuaintNavySquid · 30/10/2024 21:48

yeaitsmeagain · 30/10/2024 20:17

Maybe it's a wealth thing, where do you live, Downton Abbey circa 1895?

Edited

Very good! This is all so helpful - thank you to everyone who has posted. I’ve struggled with anxiety for some time and in seeking help for it discovered I’m neurodivergent and the anxiousness partly (significantly!) comes from wondering how social etiquette works - so many unwritten rules! When this was brought up (not thanking people publicly) I suddenly got very anxious that I had made a huge error and felt very down about it. Thank you to all for kindly reassuring - it’s helped me a lot.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 30/10/2024 20:46

It’s not a wedding with speeches. It would be weird and over the top to make a grand statement to everyone with yourself as the centre of attention. Usually the person hosting says thank you for coming and the invitee says thanks for inviting me, had a fab time when you say good night at the end. Sometimes you miss people if they need to leave urgently, so I’d follow up the next day and say had a wonderful time thanks for having me, and you’d say thanks for coming, lovely to see you. Anything more would be a bit odd and pretentious.

BabyCloud · 30/10/2024 20:26

Send a quick thank you ot it great to see you text.

yeaitsmeagain · 30/10/2024 20:17

Maybe it's a wealth thing, where do you live, Downton Abbey circa 1895?

NameChange14192089 · 30/10/2024 20:13

Coralsunset · 30/10/2024 20:10

Who is this person:people? Causing unnecessary drama?

Someone who doesn’t like you very much obviously…

My guess would be the MIL

forgivingfiggy · 30/10/2024 20:13

Nah. Surely the attendees thank you for hosting (and feeding and watering them if applicable). A quick 'thanks for coming' is more than enough, I think.

purplebeansprouts · 30/10/2024 20:12

Coralsunset · 30/10/2024 20:10

Who is this person:people? Causing unnecessary drama?

Someone who doesn’t like you very much obviously…

I reckon it's his mother (don't feel you have to confirm OP) and she wants everyone to publicly know how wonderful her son is

Coralsunset · 30/10/2024 20:10

Who is this person:people? Causing unnecessary drama?

Someone who doesn’t like you very much obviously…

Precipice · 30/10/2024 20:06

Demanding you thank your spouse publicly is bizarre. It's a demand of a performance for them.

It's polite to say to people separately 'thank you for coming' in the same way as it's polite for attendees to say 'thank you for having us' at the end. It's still okay to not have this exchange.

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 30/10/2024 20:03

The "someone" is the weird person here. I wouldn't expect you to publicly thank anyone at your birthday party, nor would I particularly worry about thanking you for hosting.

MereDintofPandiculation · 30/10/2024 20:02

ThisQuaintNavySquid · 30/10/2024 19:52

It was a significant birthday with people to our home.

Edited
Show quote history

You don’t thank people publicly! Otherwise it sounds as if you had to twist people’s arms instead of them coming willingly to share the birthday and give good wishes. It could be upsetting for birthday boy/girl to hear people being thanked, as if coming to the party was a chore.

ItsVeryHyacinthBucket · 30/10/2024 20:01

In that case OP I fail to understand how/when this mystery commentator expected you to give public thanks? Did they expect you to stand on a chair, chime a spoon on a glass, call for pray silence and give voice to your appreciation for their presence in front of all present?!

WhatNoRaisins · 30/10/2024 20:00

Isn't the good hosting the "thank you" for attending? Traditionally party guests would thank the host for hosting.

Doingmybest12 · 30/10/2024 19:59

Ignore them

Original poster
ThisQuaintNavySquid · 30/10/2024 19:58

There were no speeches. I could have done one but essentially just felt a bit overwhelmed and decided that as everyone was getting on well I would leave it rather than change the terms of the evening. It wasn’t missed out of a speech so much as no speech given at all.

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 30/10/2024 19:57

I think the person raising this is just causing trouble. Hopefully there was a lovely atmosphere and everyone enjoyed the party, no need to feel bad. Perhaps the someone could have stood up and said a public thank you for the invitation and toast the birthday person , then you'd have reciprocated I expect. How rude to criticise after all your work .

meditrina · 30/10/2024 19:56

It would be normal to thank people for coming in speeches, but I don't think it's the end of the world if that's overlooked or forgotten.

Rude of the guest to comment on the omission.

And yes, when it's a big do, guests should send the hosts a thank you card or letter (and letter could be by email); and for a smaller do a thank you text, voice call or message on SM.

Original poster
ThisQuaintNavySquid · 30/10/2024 19:52

Doingmybest12 · 30/10/2024 19:48

What was the party for. I guess if its something you might give a little speech for then usually you'd include thanks to those attending as part of that but otherwise its just a bit of a get together and you just say thanks while talking to people and they say thanks back.

Edited

It was a significant birthday with people to our home.

OP posts: