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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend has just unveiled an awful mustache?

167 replies

Celia24 · 30/10/2024 17:58

My boyfriend has a nice short beard with I suppose a mustache included but you don't really notice it.

He asked me a while ago how I'd feel about a mustache and I said I wouldn't be crazy about it and wouldn't really find it attractive.

Well today he told me he had a surprise for me for November. He's just sent me a photo - he's shaved off his beard and fashioned this god awful mustache. I dont like it and it immediately gives me the ick.

He's clearly looking for a compliment but I bloody hate it. AIBU?

OP posts:
namechangetheworld · 30/10/2024 18:53

Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:42

We all choose a partner based on what we find attractive. Things we like, things we don't like. That's normal.

The idea that we then have to adapt to anything regardless of what we prefer and have expressed out of love, tbh I don't agree with it. And yes if a woman was doing the same by getting say, a massive tattoo somewhere when a DP said they hated it, that would be an issue too.

(For the person that said how would you like the reverse)

A tattoo is completely different though, they're practically permanent, so not comparable.

If a Mumsnetter posted on here saying she wanted to dye her hair brunette but her husband responded that he found brunettes really unattractive, we all know exactly how people would respond. Tell him to get to fuck.

You can express dislike all you like, dump him if it affects you that much, but you can't expect him to change it for you.

Jessie1259 · 30/10/2024 18:51

Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:35

So when he did this to me before, he told me he preferred my usual haircut more.

I can do the same.

Show quote history

Perfect. Tell him you loved his beard and much preferred it to this lip rat.

Needmorelego · 30/10/2024 18:48

Be serious with him.
"It's me or that tache. One will be gone. You choose".
If he chooses the tache then you've had a lucky escape.

Original poster
Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:46

Is it shallow for this to be a deal breaker?

Because I really do hate it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:44

I also love his little beard!! And it's all gone.

OP posts:
nam3c4ang3 · 30/10/2024 18:43

Just be honest - tell him you dont find him attractive with it - and it's a dealbreaker, because it sounds like it is! Just be honest. He can decode he still wants it, and you can decide to dump him if so - youre both not wrong.

TheCultureHusks · 30/10/2024 18:43

Oh no OP but I am crying laughing at the use of ‘unveiled’

i imagine him striding into the room with one cloaked arm held across his face and then the dramatic reveal.

‘Yes! For it is I!’

🤣🤣🤣🥸🥸🥸🥸🥸

Original poster
Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:42

We all choose a partner based on what we find attractive. Things we like, things we don't like. That's normal.

The idea that we then have to adapt to anything regardless of what we prefer and have expressed out of love, tbh I don't agree with it. And yes if a woman was doing the same by getting say, a massive tattoo somewhere when a DP said they hated it, that would be an issue too.

(For the person that said how would you like the reverse)

OP posts:
Original poster
Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:40

I'm upset that he's done it shortly after I said I didn't like them.

I suppose it makes me think he doesn't care if I find him attractive or not.

OP posts:
Sonolanona · 30/10/2024 18:39

My DH always has a short neat beard..and a clippered head as he is fairly bald.
When I was away travelling with my daughter he got my DIL to shave his head completely and also shaved off his beard. He looked like a boiled egg and I absolutely did not find him attractive although I wasn't rude about (just asked him never to do that again!)

I know my Dh would hate it if I did something radical to my face or hair so I don't..it's ok to have preferences as long as you are polite about it!

StormingNorman · 30/10/2024 18:37

Are having a convo about how men should adapt their appearances for the female gaze?

Catza · 30/10/2024 18:37

Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:34

@Catza I havent told him how to behave, I've told him how a mustache would makes me feel.

@Andoutcomethewolves has said she'd consider divorce, so I'm not alone!

I am in no doubt you are not alone with this and in no doubt that you told him. He heard you and still he has the right to do what he wants about his appearance. As I said, an option of a breakup is open to you. Are you going to take it?

Original poster
Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:36

WallaceinAnderland · 30/10/2024 18:35

It's a weird thing isn't it. It shouldn't matter but it does. It just looks creepy.

Yes, he looks like a serial killer from the 80s.

OP posts:
Original poster
Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:35

StormingNorman · 30/10/2024 18:34

React the same way you’d like him to react if you got a haircut he didn’t like.

So when he did this to me before, he told me he preferred my usual haircut more.

I can do the same.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 30/10/2024 18:35

It's a weird thing isn't it. It shouldn't matter but it does. It just looks creepy.

Original poster
Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:34

@Catza I havent told him how to behave, I've told him how a mustache would makes me feel.

@Andoutcomethewolves has said she'd consider divorce, so I'm not alone!

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 30/10/2024 18:34

React the same way you’d like him to react if you got a haircut he didn’t like.

Catza · 30/10/2024 18:32

Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:29

@Catza but we're all attracted to certain things. Are we all just supposed to change our preferences to suit the other person?

I personally am not impressed he's done it when he knows I hate them. I don't find it attractive and that IS a problem (sexually).

He once told me he didn't like a particular hairstyle

You can do whatever the hell you like, except telling another person how to look. Your choices are either to stop objectifying him or find someone else to date.

Original poster
Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:29

@Catza but we're all attracted to certain things. Are we all just supposed to change our preferences to suit the other person?

I personally am not impressed he's done it when he knows I hate them. I don't find it attractive and that IS a problem (sexually).

He once told me he didn't like a particular hairstyle

OP posts:
DeliciousApples · 30/10/2024 18:29

He will soon think about changing it when he realises you aren't interested in kissing or anything else while those caterpillars are crawling over his face....

Original poster
Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:27

@Icedbear he actually asked me to grow my hair a bit longer recently and I decided I would skip my next appointment just to indulge him until Christmas.

I don't think I'll bother now!

I told him how unattractive it was last month. I even told him I declined a date with another guy online before we met because I couldn't get past the mustache. And now he gets one?

OP posts:
Catza · 30/10/2024 18:27

Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:04

Let's say I ask and he says he might keep it beyond November. What then?

I told him I found them unattractive so this is quite a big deal to me if so.

How would you react if he told you he found your hair/nails/shoes/lipstick/hairy or shaved vulva unattractive? I bet you'd rightfully tell him to do one. You don't own his appearance and he is free to do whatever he feels like doing with it whether you like it or not.
I'd be traumatised if my partner shaved his beard but I certainly wouldn't throw a hissy fit over it. After all, he is still the man I love with or without facial hair.

mnahmnah · 30/10/2024 18:24

There will be lots of blokes at work doing Movember and I’m dreading it. They all look so creepy and i can’t look at them

LlynTegid · 30/10/2024 18:21

If it's for charity, offer to make a donation if it goes on November 30th. Either way, be honest.

So many men look awful with beards or just a moustache, he may not realise it is anything abnormal.

Icedbear · 30/10/2024 18:21

What would you want him to do/say if he hated your haircut?

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