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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you think I’m being paranoid

144 replies

Whatfreshhell86 · 30/10/2024 17:15

I don’t know if I’m being paranoid, as this is the first time I’ve considered that my husband of 7 years might be having an affair.

I received a couple of parking fines in the post today, both for unpaid parking at a hotel carpark in the city where my husband works once a week. They included photos of our shared car leaving the hotel carpark on two different dates, one week apart. There was no time stamp but it looks like daylight.

I didn’t think anything of it at first. He’s in the city today, so I sent him a photo of the letters and told him to not park in that carpark again as an FYI. Then all of a sudden it occurred to me to ask myself why he’d be going into a hotel carpark in the middle of the day two weeks
in a row. I asked him via text and he said he has a client who lives near the hotel and that he “must have” gotten there early a couple of times and parked at the hotel so as to not show up early at his clients home (his meetings are always at clients houses).

There’s something about the fact he wrote “must have” that’s set my mind mind racing. The parking fines are from dates within the last month and he only visits clients once a week so surely he’d remember exactly why he went to the carpark. “Must have” implies to me that he’s claiming he’s not exactly sure why he was there.

Again this is the first time I’ve had my suspicions and can’t think of any other things that have happened that are typical of a cheater. We use each others phones for photos, phone calls etc and he’s never once been possessive over it. He never stops over when he goes to the city and I would describe my marriage as really happy.

AIBU to be worried that there’s something suspicious about this?

OP posts:
MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 04/11/2024 08:05

CoralReem · 04/11/2024 02:28

Hire a PI on the days his goes into the city.
Or put a tracker on the car.

You could follow him yourself but I doubt he would use the same hotel.

I hope it's innocent but you need to know.

Well - if it's innocent, the relationship is certainly over following that course of action

Surprise50 · 04/11/2024 08:02

If you’ve received parking fines, the photos will be time stamped. I’ve had a few from different counties, they’ve all been time stamped. Thats how they prove your stay and make you pay.

CheekySwan · 04/11/2024 08:02

Is it a car park exclusive to the hotel or is it a car park next to a hotel that general public can use?

Doingmybest12 · 04/11/2024 07:51

I've pulled into various car parks including hotel car parks to take calls or kill time. I'm busy, out and about and wouldn't always remember the detail. I can imagine saying what he said if you asked me.

3within3 · 04/11/2024 07:40

Could the “must have” comment been in reference to him parking there early (ie outside of parking restriction hours), rather than in reference to him parking there at all?

babyproblems · 04/11/2024 07:24

Fisharenotfoods · 04/11/2024 06:56

I would ring the hotel and say you had two fines but you and your husband only stayed for one of nights. Ask if they could double check the system for your booking etc…..see if you can get any info from the hotel

This is also good

CousinBob · 04/11/2024 07:24

I once had a similar fine. My client had actually advised me to park in the hotel carpark, as they lived nearby in a narrow street. Said that all their visitors used it!

babyproblems · 04/11/2024 07:22

id be wondering too. Can you follow him one time and see what/where he is going. If he is having an affair, I’d expect him to be better at hiding it now.. but remember he might not be. Keep an open mind..

Maria1979 · 04/11/2024 07:19

I would tread carefully. He could be cheating, but maybe not. Look at his calender to see if the dates coincide with meeting this client to start with. Then take it from there. I would just hate it if you caused problems in your otherwise happy marriage for nothing so please investigate this calmly. Not all men are bastards and I sincerely hope your's is bot one. ❤️

FfsBrian · 04/11/2024 07:04

This is how I found out my ex was meeting people of OLD.

Wasnt a car park fine - he was captured about 40 miles away from where he should have been on a toll bridge.

It was out wedding anniversary as well.

TookTheBook · 04/11/2024 07:03

Whatfreshhell86 · 30/10/2024 18:22

Thanks again everyone. In answer to a couple of questions, I suppose my fear is that someone else booked a room and it didn’t occur to him that he might get fined for parking when he went in to see them.

I’m not getting much sleep at the moment because we have a small children so that could definitely be clouding my judgement either way.

I was about to ask how old your kids are.

Maybe he's sneaking off for a decent sleep away from the house. I would've given anything to do that when the babies were young. He's acting shifty because you don't have the opportunity.

TriangleLight · 04/11/2024 07:00

The fine gets sent out by postc@Barryplopper rather than a ticket on the car.

And it will specify the exact times of parking

Barryplopper · 04/11/2024 06:57

If he was just parked up for a while whilst waiting to go somewhere else to see a client, wouldn't he have remembered being in th3 car and someone putting a ticket on to it? Definitely sounds off x

Fisharenotfoods · 04/11/2024 06:56

I would ring the hotel and say you had two fines but you and your husband only stayed for one of nights. Ask if they could double check the system for your booking etc…..see if you can get any info from the hotel

mjdle · 04/11/2024 06:54

I do this if I'm early for a meeting, park somewhere random. Could have been different clients in a similar area so he's just used the same place he did before. If he went in the hotel he's much less likely to have missed the anpr signs and gotten a ticket, especially on two occasions. If he was that sneaky and vigilant to have burner phone, hide everything I found he'd miss that. Sounds innocent to me and he's possibly just feeling guilty about stupidly racking up tickets. This sounds like something I'd do.

Withtheday · 04/11/2024 06:45

He’s either using prostitutes or it’s an affair. He could have a burner phone to use for this. Sorry OP. His excuse is not convincing. In his excitement he probably forgot to register his car reg. at reception. It’s far more likely he did this ( lots of people use businesses but forget to enter their car reg at the business) than he is so stupid he actually thought could use a hotel car park for free when he was not using the hotel.

Summerlovin24 · 04/11/2024 06:37

CoralReem · 04/11/2024 02:28

Hire a PI on the days his goes into the city.
Or put a tracker on the car.

You could follow him yourself but I doubt he would use the same hotel.

I hope it's innocent but you need to know.

This. Put a tracker on car. Act normal around him. Don't question him. People never admit affairs. Find out for yourself. You deserve the truth. It won't come from his mouth.
I'm sorry to say it but gut feelings are often correct

Amba1998 · 04/11/2024 06:30

Is it ANPR? Don’t the tickets usually say what time the car arrives and what time it left? Can you tell how long he was there for?

TheGirlFromTheSummerBefore · 04/11/2024 06:29

Try to find another phone. It will be in the car boot I expect.

Kidsrold · 04/11/2024 06:18

Can you ask to see his diary with the clients details and the appointment?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 04/11/2024 06:17

Agree it’s not ideal.
However, a different point of view.
I had counselling for a while via someone I know. It was through an organisation and the counsellor had a small conference room at a local hotel.
I went once a week for months and didn’t tell anyone.
It’s actually more common than you think. Can’t say any more as it would be outing but it’s absolutely genuine.

Noodles1234 · 04/11/2024 06:09

When I drive to London I use JustPark and they often have hotel car parks as options, if hotels are not busy ones they are often one of the cheaper alternatives.

however, you know your husband, check his body language and is he taking anything with him ie toiletries etc? Does he spend more time on his appearance?

Dollybantree · 04/11/2024 06:04

And the clear phone doesn’t mean anything…he’ll have a secret phone (look in boot of his car, inside shoes etc but it’s quite likely he’ll leave it at the office if he has one).

Dollybantree · 04/11/2024 06:01

This is how a guy I was seeing got caught out by his DW (I didn’t know he was married). She received hotel parking fines, bided her time and eventually contacted me.

Also the working late etc…do you ever question that op?

All the people I know who’s dh’s were cheats were blindsided and thought their marriages were happy. Sorry op. Keep your powder dry and do some behind the scenes digging.

Fraaahnces · 04/11/2024 05:19

I would be going through every single credit card and bank statement....

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