How to people afford to live separately

I don't understand what's supposed to magically happen when the youngest child turns 18. Depending on when their birthday is they'll probably have several more months of school. Then even if they go to uni and live out they'll still need somewhere to come back to half the year. Or if they get a job it's unlikely to be a good enough wage to move out given you and your DP don't think you can manage it with the benefit of twenty odd years career experience and housing equity.

It's not like they turn 18 and will move out that day so you can downsize into two 1 bed flats. Both of them could easily be living with you until they are in their mid twenties or later, there's a thread on here right now about it. If they do go to uni, bear in mind if you are still living together until the youngest turns 18 then the oldest is unlikely to get the full student loan as both of your incomes will be counted so you'll be expected to top them up.

I would just bit the bullet and go for it tbh.

I am single parent of four but youngest is now 21. Life is much harder financially now than it has ever been. Basically one wage without any other income is dire. All kids went to uni oldest two never came to live back at home but younger two are now back for approximately a year. They are both working waiting on their first wage and since May we have been living hand to mouth, they are both going to contribute from tomorrow (yippee) it is so difficult to manage I hope you can sort something out, I rent as I have not been able to afford to get back on the market ladder. When I retire I still have rent to pay rather than having a paid up home which will continue to be a problem. Look after your long term interests.

Life really is too short to stay like this , I would have a clean break & sell. would you have equity to use to top up rent if you could not buy intially?
SO properties? or ,maybe a flat would be better than a SO house

A quick play of the Santander affordability calculator looks like they’d lend you around 3 times salary. Over 35 years it’s around £500 a month.

Well... if you get on well enough to consider living together until the kids are 18, why not consider nesting instead? The kids stay in the house, you both pay towards the house and you take it in turns staying in the house with the kids and staying in a much cheaper place with no room for the kids.

You're still co-parenting but in this scenario, you both get a bit of a break from it all and get to have your own life away from your ex.

50/50 contact so you both have one child each so both claim child benefit and UC for ‘their’ child?

In same boat here so grateful for all the responses.

Go to a mortgage broker as some banks let you get a mortgage that brings you into retirement aslong as you have a private pension.

If your job is one you can reasonably do in later life you can get much longer mortgages these days, they told us we could get a 35 year mortgage and I'm 37.

I do OK as I rented my house before covid hit and things got really expensive. My landlord is brilliant and in the last 5 years has only put my rent up a total of £100. I am in a cheapish area but have a lovely 2 bed semi with a large plot of land, front, back and side. I take home about £2400 a month, including maintenance of £200.

My ex on the other hand is terrible with money (and relationships!) and does the whole looking for a woman with a house he can live in. The most recent woman has just kicked him out and he is sofa surfing whilst looking for a house share. Shit for my son and I as it means he cant have sleep overs with his dad but that is the life his dad chose.

If I were in your situation now, I doubt I would be able to start again. Had a quick Look at rents in my area and a similar house now would easily cost 50% more than what I pay now in rent.

It basically is really, average UK salary is 34k which is around £2200 a month after tax & NI, not factoring in pension which would reduce it further

That's why there's a bigger strain on social housing now.
When a couple split, 2 homes are needed.

I think a lot of people just stay together bc they can't afford to live separately.

£2k a month is not an average salary. There’s your problem. It’s not enough to run a house and family. You’ll need a flat or even a house share. I wonder if there’s another women with kids who would rent a house together with you.

Also if you’re not married you can only delay sale really if he agrees to it - otherwise court will order it.

Yes I just saw that

She says "the mortgage is fairly low" so it's a fair assumption to make that they own their home.

Oh sorry just saw that you do own your own house. It will need to be sold either now or when youngest is 18 to free up the equity for division. How much equity is in your house? You might be looking at small flats for each of you, maybe even shared ownership. That might be cheaper than renting, as rents are crazy these days.

Welcome to single life where you get fuck all help and get taxed more and more to help other people other than yourself yet have all the risk.

It'll be tough, might even have to get a house share ( for him as it'll be more likely to happen)

I stayed in marital home with DC until youngest was 18. I worked four jobs to pay mortgage. XH had to pay me 20% of his net pay as CM, He rented a tiny flat which meant he could only have one DC overnight on sofabed which was fine as older DC refused to stay over anyway.

I also got tax credits.

He quickly found a recently divorced woman with a large unmortgaged house to move in with.

Don’t worry about him, that’s his responsibility. Sort out you and DC.

Have you got legal advice yet?

You make the most out of a bad situation. Rent one bed, bunk kids into a bedroom and have a pullout couch in the sitting room. That's how I grew up with a single mother and it was pretty normal for most of my friends as well. My friend and her husband lived in a one bed flat for 15 years with kids sharing before they were able to upgrade to two beds. They still sleep in a sitting room but kids have a bedroom each now.

It’s tough. Slightly different as I didn’t do it following a separation, but I lived alone for a few years when I was single, before my boyfriend and I moved in together.
I was coming out with around £2300 a month after deductions and my rent/bills/council tax came to around £1400.
It left me with enough to live off each month but saving to eventually buy a house was impossible.

Those are both quite low incomes so I am not surprised that you can’t afford to rent separately. Most people who can afford it either get benefits to assist or earn more. Could you hold on until the youngest is 18 so there’s no CSA liability? Or could both of you take steps to increase earnings?
A lot of people seem to assume you own your home but I’m guessing not.