Is it o.k to let your 11 year old daughter hang out on the local park?

Fifteen or 16? You can marry at 16, not that I would recommend this. My dd’s friend is post 16 and taking the train to college into London now on a fast 1 hour service plus the tube and her parents are very protective. Secondary school kids take the tube from year 7 onwards. My year 12, 16 yo dd has been taking the train to a city every now and then 30 miles away for the past 2 years.

I can’t remember the age I allowed my dd into the city alone with her friends. I imagine it was when she was about 13 and I stayed around town the first couple of times. She was definitely allowed to go to the local shopping centre with a Primark by the start of secondary school. In the beginning I sat in the car then
when I left dd she was shopping for a bit and into McDonald’s for lunch.

@PaperTyger

I cannot say dd won’t be in a car accident. I can say that’s more likely to happen than some bad event at our village park whilst she’s there.

@Savingthehedgehogs

There is nothing wrong with being coddled as a child. When it interferes with normal development then it is an issue. I am having to get my dd to learn to take care of herself because she finds all of this so scary. She will basically be an adult and potentially want to be at university in less than 2 years. There is a massive amount of work, which needs to be done to get to that point and if I don’t, she won’t be ready. That comes from a highly trained professional, not just me.

Out of her friends, whom she hangs round with, one has parents in the police (force, not admin) and the other has two teachers (one at dd’s secondary, the other at state, post 16). If they think what dd does is safe enough for their child, it’s safe enough for mine.

At this point, I think it best to agree to disagree. 🤷‍♀️

Because 11 year old children shouldn't be 'browsing round the shops' by theirselves or with other children of a similar age. Different for a 15 or 16 year old. It's not OK to let a child roam around. I must be old school.

I think not allowing 11 year olds to go rhe park during daylight hours is sad, every minute of everyday needn't be scheduled. If school finishes at 3 there is an hour or so before it gets dark. Also what is wrong with them going to the high street/ town centre for a browse in Primark and a hot chocolate ? Sometimes I think I live in a parralel universe.

Don’t be hysterical!
Jeez, how would you cope in Japan?! They let kids as young as three run errands for their parents!

Ok to meet up in day time if she lets you know plans and agrees to stick to them.

No to park after dark.

Some allow it, some don't. It gets dark at around 4:30 in autumn and winter and secondary school students get home around 4. What would they be doing hanging around in a dark park? Not keen on teens loitering, the well looked after ones are usually busy doing homework and extra curricular. Going to the park in summer to play a ball game, have a picnic or ice cream is different. 11 year olds dating is sad 😬they're emotionally not ready for romantic relationships (trying to phrase it politely) and time spend dating is time not spent building good friendships, studying or learning new life skills, or simply having age appropraite fun and downtime. I know some parents think it's cute or so mature, no, it's not, it's weird.

That sounds like a good plan for the start of this independence.

I wouldn't let my 11 year old 'hang around on the high street'. Playing at the local park with friends in day light hours is fine (and I can see it from the bedroom window). Allowing them to roam the streets with no purpose is surely asking for trouble?

Don’t be ridiculous

Typical MN hysteria

Completely normal in Scotland. All the kids play out.

….

WTF???????????

This is neglect. 6 years old????????

YABVVVVVVU - 11?!?!? Absolutely not!

I am also wondering how on earth these kids have the time to hang around anywhere. My dc have tons of homework every single night. They couldn’t stay out to 8/9pm if they wanted to.
Add in sports commitments and the odd club and dinner, having a shower, talking through their day. There just wouldn’t or shouldn’t be the time.

Clearly some children are being let down in terms of academic discipline as well.

It seems to be creating a cycle of deprivation.

As the teachers have said on here, they can tell which children go to the park, and which ones don’t. That speaks volumes.

Mine is 11, just started Y7. I have let her go out and about with friends, they either go to park, high street or friends house. I think good to have independence and as long have agreed a return time, she is contactable etc I am happy.

Yes a year 7 home by 6pm unless being collected from a friends house or at an organised activity seems reasonable to me.

I always did home by the year youjust finished in the Summer holidays so 7pm for a 12 year old, 8pm at 13 etc this is for regular curfew obviously there are exeptions.

We are in the South East so only dark that early in deepest winter. Usually light until 6 by end of January, certainly by February half term.

I would be concerned that she has a boyfriend that you don't know about.... An 11 year old still needs their phones monitoring and it needs to be done quite consistently.

No, I'm thinking of my own children who are teens and their peer group.
Can I suggest that if you are thinking that secondary school children need playdates organising, or parents always present, you are being massively overprotective?

I have no doubt there are dodgy parks that should be avoided. And many other places that are not parks that should be avoided as well.

OP is talking about her DC hanging out in the park after school, not late at night. I assume she knows her own park (or could walk through it at that time if she doesn't) and doesn't think it is full of predators or drug dealers or people drinking.

A lot of people have gone for the blanket "hanging out in park=bad". No, please judge your own situation. Lots of parks (as I said upthread, there is a park by my DC's school which is full of secondary school children hanging out after school) are perfectly fine due to the way it is constructed, the clear visibility, heavy footfall of people walking through, lighting etc.

Remember many secondary school children are otherwise going back to empty houses as their parents work. They can listen to whatever music they want; look at porn ... Frankly, many of them can do that if their parents are there. It's a question of risk assessing.

My DC have spent years hanging out in our local park after school. There are other places I would worry about them going, but not there. Your local park may be different. Understanding the risks is important, but it's also important to realise when the risk is minimal.

Hell, no.

Depends on your park but I would want to know who they were meeting, where, how long and certainly home before dusk/dark.

It has been well documented that those charged with indecent exposure 9/10 go on to be perpetrators of more serious sexual offences. We have just changed the legal guidelines to increase sentencing powers around exposure to take this into account.

The days of a flasher ( dirty old man as they were known) being benign are well and truly over.

No way, unsafe, grooming, drugs

And recently I have come across a few incidents where men were exposing themselves at parks so the danger might be something like this. No 11yo needs to be hanging around parks.