Is it o.k to let your 11 year old daughter hang out on the local park?

If you are going to read all of these accounts, and think I know I’ll forget offering my children independence in other ways, and I’ll just wave them off to the park - then this is entirely on YOU when the shit hits the fan. You can’t say you were not told.

Your children deserve better.
And yes you are massively, massively letting them down, and you may pay dearly for that decision one day. For your children’s sake, I hope they will not be harmed and will come through the experience, it will be no thanks to you.

At least go along on a Friday night and take a look…good luck.

If you are going to read all of these accounts, and think I know I’ll forget offering my children independence in other ways, and I’ll just wave them off to the park - then this is entirely on YOU when the shit hits the fan. You can’t say you were not told.

Your children deserve better.
And yes you are massively, massively letting them down, and you may pay dearly for that decision one day. For your children’s sake, I hope they will not be harmed and will come through the experience, it will be no thanks to you.

At least go along on a Friday night and take a look…good luck.

Fingers still in ears then…

This - brilliant post. Most people are massively over estimating the risk of giving their child some independence, whilst massively underestimating the risk of not doing so!!

Why on earth would you continue to go there?? 😳

I walk my dog at the local park every day. Drug use, drunks/druggies fucking on the picnic table in the children's playground in broad daylight, county lines types zipping in and out on their scooters, a flasher masturbating right in the middle of the football field, kids smashing up the groundsman's vehicle with cricket bats, homeless men without any English who sometimes approach me and then scarper when my dog bursts out from inside the bush she's been nosing around in.

The vermin who did that to Natalie Shotter- that was at the park. Yes, that was night time, but where do you think he had been that day? Gainfully employed, or reading newspapers at the library?

People seem to be conflating several issues here.

1. Predatory adults- in my view are not hanging around public spaces- all the evidence is that you are most likely to be groomed or exploited either online or by a known adult. If people have evidence of 11yo with stable and loving homes being recruited to county line gangs whilst hanging out by the football pitches can they post them please.

2. Other children- for want of better word " bad influences" agree this is harder, better for them to be with another child you know well and trust, have a talk about what to do if they feel uncomfortable etc. Not in my view a reason to not let them out of your sight. Stricter than necessary curfews can be your friend here and IMO in the winter months the town centre is less likely to have this vibe than a park bench.

3. Abduction- this is so, so rare much rarer than it was even 20 years ago. Most " missing" children are already very troubled young people. Nobody is going to forcibly abduct an articulate 11 uear old. Anyway didn't you have those convos when they were much younger ( 5 or 6?) about stranger danger ?

I didnt mention predators or abduction in my post

It doesnt matter about the stable home, its about the child. My dd with autism is a lot more likely to go off with a stranger and think their her friend because theyve had one positive interaction than my DS would.

Bad influences.... it's about the risk. I grew up in the town Sophie Lancaster was murdered in. My sons ashes are scattered in the same park. I grew up on playing on the Park my primary school was on that park. I was in the same school/year as some of the boys who murdered her. That was group mentality. That spiralled so quickly.

I may be many, many things naive is 100% not one of them. I ddon't want to post my CV on a public forum suffice it to say I have worked in safeguarding for 15 years I have seen and heard things you wouldn't ever want to.

I didnt mention predators or abduction in my post

It doesnt matter about the stable home, its about the child. My dd with autism is a lot more likely to go off with a stranger and think their her friend because theyve had one positive interaction than my DS would.

Bad influences.... it's about the risk. I grew up in the town Sophie Lancaster was murdered in. My sons ashes are scattered in the same park. I grew up on playing on the Park my primary school was on that park. I was in the same school/year as some of the boys who murdered her. That was group mentality. That spiralled so quickly.

People seem to be conflating several issues here.

1. Predatory adults- in my view are not hanging around public spaces- all the evidence is that you are most likely to be groomed or exploited either online or by a known adult. If people have evidence of 11yo with stable and loving homes being recruited to county line gangs whilst hanging out by the football pitches can they post them please.

2. Other children- for want of better word " bad influences" agree this is harder, better for them to be with another child you know well and trust, have a talk about what to do if they feel uncomfortable etc. Not in my view a reason to not let them out of your sight. Stricter than necessary curfews can be your friend here and IMO in the winter months the town centre is less likely to have this vibe than a park bench.

3. Abduction- this is so, so rare much rarer than it was even 20 years ago. Most " missing" children are already very troubled young people. Nobody is going to forcibly abduct an articulate 11 uear old. Anyway didn't you have those convos when they were much younger ( 5 or 6?) about stranger danger ?

Your are staggeringly naive.

Adult predators have always targeted parks. The children hanging out there are generally the same ones with checked out parents and are easy prey.

These men ARE known to the children. They make friends with them by buying them vapes, cigarettes, alcohol and food, they absorb into the group often offering lifts. It is so seamless the kids are not aware of it. We are not talking about fifty year old men here Neuro, but cool guys in their 20s - early 30s usually with nice cars. You are totally wrong on this. The same men are often involved with dealing, county lines and often pick up very very young little girls. It is pure exploitation.

You can not control who your child meets in parks nor what they will be encouraged to do. By choosing to allow this to happen by default it’s out of your control. Your child is going to exposed to absolutely everything. That’s guaranteed. At some point or another.

There are other risks too. That you haven’t listed. Like being arrested and charged for disorder, drugs or violence. This will ruin their lives. Having a criminal record eliminates so many possible careers. Drug addiction is prolific, your child’s experimentation could quickly descend into full blown addiction.

I am sorry you have made these choices for your own children, innocently no doubt, unaware of the true extent of the malign nature of park culture.
But you can not continue to argue that someone else’s child should go to the park for spurious reasons ( independence of all things!) because you have made ill informed decisions yourself, it’s completely unfair.

We are taking about a very young 11 old girl here, who can take a different path and not be subjected to everything the park brings. So many people have posted their own negative experiences on here and you are ignoring them all.

People seem to be conflating several issues here.

1. Predatory adults- in my view are not hanging around public spaces- all the evidence is that you are most likely to be groomed or exploited either online or by a known adult. If people have evidence of 11yo with stable and loving homes being recruited to county line gangs whilst hanging out by the football pitches can they post them please.

2. Other children- for want of better word " bad influences" agree this is harder, better for them to be with another child you know well and trust, have a talk about what to do if they feel uncomfortable etc. Not in my view a reason to not let them out of your sight. Stricter than necessary curfews can be your friend here and IMO in the winter months the town centre is less likely to have this vibe than a park bench.

3. Abduction- this is so, so rare much rarer than it was even 20 years ago. Most " missing" children are already very troubled young people. Nobody is going to forcibly abduct an articulate 11 uear old. Anyway didn't you have those convos when they were much younger ( 5 or 6?) about stranger danger ?

Why wouldn't they have money or purpose? Many 11 year olds are savvy shoppers with pocket money to spend and purchases to make. Shopping is fun and more appropriate than loitering in parks.

What this thread doesn't really touch on but what's at the centre of it is where are the youth friendly provisions, such as safe and engaging youth clubs, affordable hobbies? Some areas have GG and scouts, sea and army cadets but what are young teens supposed to do if their parents can't afford activities? Labour could make a real difference here re-introduce Sure start as well as youth clubs.

This is exactly it, best case scenario this is the outcome. As above.

Parents will say my child is not taking drugs, smoking weed, having sex, vaping and drinking in parks, they tell me everything. Well, maybe they don’t! Because someone’s kids are there doing it so why are your teens so different? There is a pack mentality in these environments.

The pressure to conform at this age is enormous. Why would you want your darling children anywhere near it?! Why? There is a choice to say no, to choose something better for your children.

It depends on your area doesnt it. I doubt I'll ever let my DD ( almost 10 ) go to our local park on her own. It is full of nasty older kids and big gangs. I've been on the park with her and an older kid started swearing at her not realising I was with her. And a few months ago my DD was at the local community club and we saw 20+ teenagers chasing one lad across the park.

You cant trust other kids. They can be so nasty. My DD is autistic though so I have a good "excuse" to keep her closer to home

I have just started letting her play out, but I track her with an app and I'm friends with her friends mum so I know exactly where and who she is with. Even then with her just playing out 1 street away shes had other kids be unkind. Imagine what group mentality would be like. Its ana awful world we live in now

My 12 year old ASD and ADHD cooks his own fried breakfast on a Sunday morning. Bacon, black pudding, fried bread, fried cherry tomatoes. All I have to do is clean all the mess when I get up