Is it o.k to let your 11 year old daughter hang out on the local park?

I’ve been threatened with a knife in two nice parks in London. Reality is that there are some frightening people in them. And I am an adult.

No way. We live in a “decent” residential area…I wasn’t allowed to do it, neither was I…my mum had an open house and regularly had up to 8-10 of our friends in, and we were the same with our kids.
I never minded how many we had in the house, but absolutely no “hanging about” in parks.

My job means I know too much about what goes on when kids-even the well behaved ones-hang about in parks, especially in the dark

Depends where you live as others have said.

The area I'm in is not nice and I would not walk through the local park myself in the evening let alone DS at age 11. I waited until he was older.

I was going to say "no" but I suppose really it depends on the park. Some parks might be fine but it's a difficult balance. If a park is really busy, guaranteed there will be a lot of perverts about. If a park is quiet, the perverts are more dangerous because they can attack with less risk of being witnessed. It's probably a good idea to hang around the park yourself at different times of the day to get a sense of the "vibe" of the place. Also what sort of park is it, a big open space or one with areas of tree cover? There's one near me where it's basically normal people to one side of the footpath that runs down the middle and perverts hiding in the trees and bushes the other side.

No in London; knives weed and gangs potentially. Even if the area is nice, you have gangs who come from pretty far to rob rich kids.

It really depends where you live. We live in a low crime, residential area, the parks are overlooked by houses and lots of kids hangout there, with the older ones not coming out until much later. One of the parks we can even see from our house so we've been happy for them to go since y6, but that's based on all those factors and every situation is different

It would very much depend on the park to me.

We are in SW London and in both of our local parks, despite them always having families around and people playing sports etc, several times regularly younger teens have been held up at knifepoint by older teens and had their phones stolen in broad daylight.

I never would have worried about them going to the park before this. Possibly I was being naive!

Park during the day is fine but not at night, they won't want to hang around outside soon as it'll get colder.

I would make your house the teen house, a well stocked fridge and freezer with chips, pizza and snacks, a private space for them to chill out and you pretending you don't exist other than to bring food in a timely fashion.

No way!!

At least get him to pick her up from yours and walk down there together. Or drop them both off together and pick them up?

Are you sure it's someone from school and not someone shes met online?

I would be ok with it, in daylight only. My kids have to walk through a park to get home, in the summer they might linger for a bit.

Yes 100%, the actual area and its dynamics is what matters really. Also, how the friends are. It is a lot, because at that age we do not know the new friends thay made in secondary, so taking these decisions here and now.... is not easy.
Having said that, activities like football, dance, cadets and so on are a good option indeed. Not to remove the park, but to complement it.

I allowed it from year 8. Dd1 never did - always hung out at home or friends houses, dd2 is the same but dd3 had a group of friends who hung in the park. Honestly, I hated it but that was about me not her. She’s now year 9 and split from that group as they are in the park smoking weed (age 13) and dd is a dancer with asthma so doesn’t want anything to do with it.

Surely it's dependent on the area you live in, no?

There's always a balance to be had.

Thankyou.

It is so so difficult OP.
Mine is 16, have gone through the gain independance vs stay safe bit and still working at it.
I would say no to the park in the dark/ night. Yes with several friends together. No with a boy only. No issue with you contacting the mum and arranging a stroll in the park or town or take them to an activity somewhere. You do not need to be stuck to her, but be around.
The important thing is that she is honest with you, that she tells you the truth, what they get up to, if anyone has been doing something dodgy, that she calls you if anything scares or concerns her. You need to keep it to yourself, do not betray her trust if she shares anything with you.
I think all parents have doubts about how to let them gain independance, what is too much, will anything untowards happen... we hesitate and teenagers can smell it from miles away and they can and will milk it! There is where the big arguments happen. Specially if she can play one parent against each other or suvh and such are going. Be firm, take your time to navigate these new waters. Better to embarred child that a hurt one.
It is very tough, but it is also the time you see them blossoming into strong young women and that is lovely.
Aw, get your arguments straight. Because she may ask you to rationalise everything!

It really isn’t ‘healthier’
Young kids need to be able to explore and do things by themselves. Policing and structuring every minute of their social lives - and always involving adults in their activities is not good for them. They need to learn some independence and resilience.

If it was our local park I’d have no issue. But your park sounds more urban and for that reason I wouldn’t like it.

I think you are already being over protective. She will never learn to be street wise unless she has experience of stuff like this. I know it’s normal to worry, but I was hanging out before that age in parks etc and I was absolutely fine. You need to trust her and give her some independence or she will never grow up.

It's a park during the day, I see no reason to stop her. I see kids hanging out in our local park all the time, in groups, in twos and even by themselves.

To go from never been to a park without an adult to meeting a boy there is a bit of a leap.

This is SO weird!
I mean I'm 20, and 9 years ago I was hating the fact that my parents were trying to keep a tight rein on me, and of course as an extrovert mouthy 11 year old I defied them and met my mates anyway.
BUT because of that, because I know only too well the creeps who prey on pre-teen girls, because I've suffered myself, I'd now say NO WAY should you let her go to the park, especially if it's not completely light (things that happened to myself & my bff happened when it was beginning to get dark).
Gosh - it's horrible growing up isn't it??

At 11, for a couple hours on Saturday afternoon... fine, IMO.
I'd not be keen on Friday evening if park dodgy, so just suggest an alternative rather than a hard "no!". Costa or whatever.

The boyfriend thing, I probably wouldn't allow until I'd met him. She's only 11, she knows it's a lot, and the fact she was cagey about it means she knows that you'd be a bit worried with good reason. She was never expecting you to allow that. Suggest you take them bowling/ cinema/ to a cafe or whatever and leave them to it, and pick them up when they're done.

The general idea of hanging out at the park, maybe, but it depends what the local area is like. Around my current area, it would be absolutely fine. But some areas I've lived, there is no way I'd have an 11 year old on the park after dark.

You really just need to scout out the local area a bit and make a judgement as a parent. 11 is still a young child, although they might feel grown up they aren't, she still needs your protection. You don't have to give her all this independence straight away if you're not comfortable.