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Original poster

Is it just me who finds this odd?

61 replies

Threetrees745 · 30/10/2024 11:20

Imagine that you had lost a significant amount of weight and looked visibly different. You had got there through diet, giving up certain treat foods and cutting down on alcohol and starting the gym, so a full lifestyle overhaul that is hard to ignore.

Would you find it odd if close family members never mentioned noticing anything different and continued to offer/bring you unhealthy food when catching up?

OP posts:
Breadcat24 · 30/10/2024 11:50

I think you need to say that you intentionally lost weight. They might be scared for you having a bad health diagnosis and trying to be caring

TheShellBeach · 30/10/2024 11:47

Actually my sister was like this.

In 2006 I lost 6st. She hadn't seen me for ages, but didn't mention it at all. Bear in mind this is a woman who's obsessed with losing weight herself, who's permanently in a diet.

She then spent the whole day offering me all kinds of crap.

It's one of the many reasons I'm NC with her now.

Shoxfordian · 30/10/2024 11:43

Are they offering unhealthy food at their house or bringing you chocolates? They can host however they want, and you can choose to eat before or say no. It sounds like you're being a little rigid about it

Icedbear · 30/10/2024 11:37

Presumably you've lost the weight over time and it seems like you see this person regularly, so they may simply not have noticed or not realise what a big change it is.

I don't think anyone else will have noticed the change in your food choices, unless you tell them, and if they have maybe they continue to bring snacks because that's what they like.

Original poster
Threetrees745 · 30/10/2024 11:36

Meanwhile33 · 30/10/2024 11:23

It’s not odd for their food choices to stay the same, you’ve changed, that doesn’t mean they have to. It is weird for them not to comment on the changes in you though, if you’re normally close. Are they insecure and unhealthy themselves, so feel threatened by the changes you’ve made?

As far as I'm aware, in good health and a reasonable body weight for height and age so I'm not sure it's due to feeling threatened.

I'm not expecting a full discussion about it but a courtesy well done or you look nice would address the elephant (or no longer an elephant in my case) in the room.

OP posts:
Original poster
Threetrees745 · 30/10/2024 11:33

Shoxfordian · 30/10/2024 11:27

They might not comment because it's impolite to comment on someone else's body and it can have negative implications
They can offer you unhealthy food occasionally, you can still have it occasionally- nothing wrong with that

I can understand that they think it's impolite to comment so fair enough, I can let that one go but they continue to offer/give even when politely asked not to and seem offended when rejected.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 30/10/2024 11:31

I wouldn’t comment on a relative’s weight, with the exception of my dad, who knows he is fat and would not be at all offended by somebody acknowledging that he was fat and is now less fat.

Unless you’ve specifically said “I’m no longer eating anything with added sugar / processed food / drinking alcohol” then people aren’t going to assume you’ve cut them entirely from your diet. Plenty of people continue to have “treat” food and alcohol in moderation whilst they diet, and guests typically bring biscuits or dessert or wine for the house when they visit.

DilemmaDelilah · 30/10/2024 11:30

Not really. They might just think it's rude to comment on your weight. And unless I had specifically asked not to be given/offered certain types of food I wouldn't be surprised to be offered them still. You can always decline them - politely of course.

KoalaCalledKevin · 30/10/2024 11:29

continued to offer/bring you unhealthy food when catching up?

I think it would be weirder if they thought "she's thinner now, we'll take some celery instead of cake". They aren't thinking about your weight when they bring food, presumably they're thinking about being a nice guest who brings the host something?

Shoxfordian · 30/10/2024 11:27

They might not comment because it's impolite to comment on someone else's body and it can have negative implications
They can offer you unhealthy food occasionally, you can still have it occasionally- nothing wrong with that

Meanwhile33 · 30/10/2024 11:23

It’s not odd for their food choices to stay the same, you’ve changed, that doesn’t mean they have to. It is weird for them not to comment on the changes in you though, if you’re normally close. Are they insecure and unhealthy themselves, so feel threatened by the changes you’ve made?

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