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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel uncomfortable with my neighbour's comments

57 replies

ThatShyScroller · 30/10/2024 11:18

I would like to get your opinion on this, to see whether I am over reacting.

I have an elderly neighbour, who, for a long time, I thought was absolutely lovely.

When I lived with my husband, we would casually stop for a chat with him on the streets here and there. He would put a Christmas postcard in our letter box, we would make a cake for him etc. So, the relationship, for a long time, has been good, although we are not super close, and we keep to ourselves, generally.

But, at some point, my husband went on a business trip that was quite long. I bumped in my neighbour outside my house - he was chatting with other neighbours, and I said "hi". He replied saying "has your husband left you already eh?" giggling. I felt it was a bit of an inappropriate/nasty comment, especially because 1) it was made in front of strangers, and 2) it might have been actually true, that I was breaking up with my husband, and that would have upset me.

Nevertheless, I replied calmy saying that no, he didn't dump me, as far as I was aware, and he was just outside of town for work.

I tried to brush this under the carpet and I nearly forgot all about it. But then, something else happened.

I bumped in my neighbour again (alone), he asked me whether my car was okay (I had an accident a while before). I said casually that the car was fine, but I have been having a terrible back pain in the past weeks, that now is fixed. And then he said "well, I can rub your back anytime, lady". I felt SO uncomfortable about this, and annoyed, so I just walked away.

I am annoyed that my neighbour acts all nice in front of my husband, and then, as soon as he's away and cannot see him, he shows a completely different side.

I have been feeling quite stressed about this, and now I try to avoid him, if I can.

AIBU? I tried to think that perhaps he is just "joking", but I just cannot stand the completely different behaviour he has when I am alone.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 30/10/2024 11:43

ZippyLimeSnake · 30/10/2024 11:25

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable if it’s bothered you, but comments like that from an old man wound’s bother me.. (Old as in like 70s old) I have noticed this seems to be a running theme with very old men, they make jokes or comments a man younger than them would be jumped on for making.

I remember my ex partners grandad use to say to me infront of his wife, if I was a few years younger then would give me a wink. He was about late 70’s early 80’s & I must have been about 22. His wife would just laugh & give him a playful slap & tell him behave. I don’t know why the older generation are like that but it’s something that does seem to be the case for a lot of them.

Edited

I'm almost 70 and being that age is absolutely no excuse.

Original poster
ThatShyScroller · 30/10/2024 11:42

InBedBy10 · 30/10/2024 11:39

The first comment sounds like a joke to me. I think you're being a bit sensitive to take offence to it to be honest.

The 2nd comment is abit creepy/sleezy, @Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf response is perfect.

I think you're right, and that is the reason why I brushed the first comment off initially. I thought that perhaps he just wanted to be funny and didn't intend any harm (which might still be a possibility anyway).

OP posts:
InBedBy10 · 30/10/2024 11:39

The first comment sounds like a joke to me. I think you're being a bit sensitive to take offence to it to be honest.

The 2nd comment is abit creepy/sleezy, @Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf response is perfect.

Original poster
ThatShyScroller · 30/10/2024 11:27

Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf · 30/10/2024 11:22

How old? Not that age is an excuse.

I’d be avoiding, or if he offers a rub down again say , great DH’s back is playing up. I’ll send him over shortly.

You shouldn’t have to put up with it, but short of moving he’s going to be there.

I’d gradually reduce interactions until you no longer need to feel the need to acknowledge him.

I think he is in his early 80s. I did think about the fact that there might be a cultural difference, as someone mentioned on another comment.

your suggestion about DH is brilliant😂

OP posts:
Mittens67 · 30/10/2024 11:26

Some men, including elderly men think they can get away with such comments to a woman without a man present to guard his “property”.
It is pathetic and horrible.
I would keep away from him in future. If you bump into him give a fake smile and keep walking. Hopefully he will get the message eventually.
Obviously explain to your husband why you are cutting contact. I hope your husband understands but sadly many won’t.

ZippyLimeSnake · 30/10/2024 11:25

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable if it’s bothered you, but comments like that from an old man wound’s bother me.. (Old as in like 70s old) I have noticed this seems to be a running theme with very old men, they make jokes or comments a man younger than them would be jumped on for making.

I remember my ex partners grandad use to say to me infront of his wife, if I was a few years younger then would give me a wink. He was about late 70’s early 80’s & I must have been about 22. His wife would just laugh & give him a playful slap & tell him behave. I don’t know why the older generation are like that but it’s something that does seem to be the case for a lot of them.

Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf · 30/10/2024 11:22

How old? Not that age is an excuse.

I’d be avoiding, or if he offers a rub down again say , great DH’s back is playing up. I’ll send him over shortly.

You shouldn’t have to put up with it, but short of moving he’s going to be there.

I’d gradually reduce interactions until you no longer need to feel the need to acknowledge him.

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