To be upset by the way this man spoke to me?

I had a similar experience a few years ago. Left a job without another one to go to due to being a single Mum to young kids, in the space of six months - moved jobs, moved house, got divorced, lost my Mum to cancer.

When I handed in my notice to my manager (of 3 months) not giving any details, just saying I’d had some inheritance money through & would be taking a break career wise - he gave me a long rant about how I needed to be more resilient.

This from a man doing a similar job to me with a stay at home wife who looked after his kids & the house for him. He had no idea what I was going through & I just took his little speech as being thoroughly naive & more of a him problem than anything to do with me! Twat!!

Right now record everything you can remember about the interaction. Then write an “impact” statement on how it has made you feel- if you felt bullied and intimidated or shamed etc write it down. Right how long this intersection went on for. Be as specific and accurate as you can

Find out who his boss is…go to companies house if needed? And find out who is responsible for accrediting the course - the professional standards body.

then send the document to as high a level of authority in both organisations as you can, state it is a complaint about the interaction. Ask for them to investigate . I’d say write an old school hard copy letter, look up address on who to send it to (if necessary use companies house info) and send it signed delivery - that way they have to accept it formally and you know and they know you’re told when delivered. Also ask for a written responses in 10 working days.

The issue here is this man is in a position of authority with the students. Students doing a course that is frankly going to be more women than men. He is a loose cannon abusing other students (unlikely you’re the first he’s done it too), and it probably reflects the way the course is run and probably why you’ve found the whole course a bit crap and off putting frankly.

he had no reason to give you a grilling like this. You’re not likely to get your money back anyway if you pull out and not finish. So you were telling him as a courtesy . He did this becuase he COULD. Becuase you weren’t assertive in stopping him. He saw a weakness and frankly enjoyed his power rush in humiliation of you. That’s fucking awful behaviour and someone who should NOT be in a position of authority with students.

youll not get anything out of issuing a compliant personally, but hopefully someone will investigate and he’ll at least be told it has been noted and someone has complained , which might make him think twice before doing it agian.

if you can’t comp alien to anyone as he IS the ultimate boss and course is not accredited, put up a review on whatever site you came across it yourself, and don’t hold back with what happened.

If you think about spending that sort of money agian on a course, make sure it is accredited course, make sure it is run by a legitimate provider like a college , rather than a 1-man band who thinks he’s an educator! Also, next time try to get some work experience on the job you’re thinking training on. A couple of half days in a dog grooming business as a volunteer probably would have flushed out that it isn’t for you. Offering some unpaid work in exchange would be attractive to most dog grooming businesses.

but, it is not your fault you experienced this. The man was intent on abusing and bullying you. He got a kick out of that.

So people pay him £4,000 to basically do his work for him.
is he charging owners for the dogs that are groomed.
sounds like he was sad to lose his free labour.

it’s tempting to tell him what you think of him. But he sounds such a knob that he’ll just turn it into a you thing

Well done, your decision is made. Now just look forwards.

My husband and I run an (accredited) training company (not dog grooming). You could complain to his accreditation though I’m not sure him being a total knob would be against any of their particular standards. He was though. He completely overstepped with his comments. Being (very) charitable, he could perhaps have been trying to help if he thought you were wavering and didn’t want you to have wasted such a lot of money and regret it later. The whole conversation got way too personal. You need to learn to shut this down. Working on your assertiveness will benefit you. I wouldn’t tolerate shit like this now but I could definitely have ended up in that kind of conversation when I was younger. What a pompous man!

I would try and make a complaint to trading standards and leave a ‘flying’ review on anywhere he is on.

What an idiot. Looks to me that he had a plan for those 4000 pounds you were going to spend on his business.

It sounds like he DOES have issues. Clearly is unhinged and incredibly insecure.

Lots of people try new things in life and stop when it doesn't make them happy, perfectly normal. His response wasn't.

It's him, not you. You were sensible to give it up if you could tell that it wasn’t the career for you. He sounds revoltingly patronising and although there’s no-one you can complain to, there’s nothing to stop you writing a calm letter telling him so, if that would make you feel better. (But you don’t want to engage in a protracted correspondence, so if you did write you could say you want nothing more to do with him and won't be reading any response from him.)

I would make a note of the meeting while fresh in your mind and then make a complaint. He has totally overstepped. What a wanker. The course was probably not very good and that was one of the reasons you weren't enjoying it and he knew it. I bet they are always having people drop out.

Yes, this.

OP, respectfully, you didn’t have a job you hated. You started a training course you hated. You didn’t need anyone’s permission other than your own to drop out.

Yes, I did have a job I hated. Once I realised nothing was going to improve (and I realised a significant number of colleagues I’d never met were out on longterm stress-related sick leave), I handed in my notice. I phoned my line manager out of courtesy before sending him the email and said ‘I will be leaving at the end of the semester’ and he said ‘Thanks for letting me know.’

He's probably so used to gaslighting women into thinking the problem is with them at home he's just done it automatically when he's felt his course is criticised.

I was going to say I would have just seen the course through but seeing it is not academic and wrangling scary dogs all day then I don't blame you for not wanting to continue.

I wouldn't have discussed it further with anyone. I just would have stopped going.

Meant kindly, maybe think about a course in assertiveness or something? It's really angered me that he made you cry a little. These bastards need telling to wind their necks in.

It was very clearly just not the job for you, no more to be said.

I like dogs, but I don't think I could ever be a dog groomer!

He's taking it as a rejection and trying to make it your issue - he probably also thought you were asking for your money back and would leave a bad review if you didn't get it.

You gave it a go, it definitely wasn't for you, and you were right not to throw any more resources at it.

But that’s what gave this guy a chance to patronise the OP, who meekly tagged along and listened politely.

And absolutely, he was a repellently patronising asshole, that’s not up for debate (I’m assuming part of this was driven by panic the OP was going to try and get a refund on fees), but I’m not sure he was so wrong in suggesting something else was going on here. I can imagine it’s no fun realising you’ve thrown away £4k on something that isn’t for you, but ‘dreading’ attending classes and ‘being kept awake with anxiety’ suggest something larger.

Which doesn’t make the guy any less of a patronising prick, obviously. He can keep his armchair diagnoses to himself, which is what the OP should have told him. ‘Enough with the facile pop psychology, Nigel. I don’t need amateur psychotherapy because I don’t want to clip labradoodle nails for the rest of my life, OK?’

You don’t need to listen politely to wankery, or anyone’s permission to quit a dog-grooming course.

He saw it as a personal rejection, and like a lot of men who get their ego hurt, they lash out.

When people bully others they often make accusations of negative traits they themselves have. So he’s the one with the massive issues. I would definitely find out who is paying him and give some feedback. He doesn’t sound very professional or self-controlled or indeed demonstrate any of the ‘resilience’ he claims to have!

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of further interaction - he would doubtless translate any such letter into a conviction that he'd 'made an impression' on the OP and see that as an achievement. OP could write a cathartic letter and then tear it up.

@Pumpkincozynights I’ve known a few people who’ve done DG courses and apparently the accredited ones can exceed £5k. 😬

Of course, if graduates made the money back in a month, that would put a different slant on the investment but I have no idea what the average income from doggy grooming is.

Hell yes - such a weird way for him to respond to you. I think I'd write and tell him how his patronising power trip made you feel and ask him to reflect on his behaviour. Might be cathartic for you if nothing else.

What a horrible arsehole! No wonder you didn't like the course. Leave him a negative review. Definitely report him to whoever provides the course accreditation. No-one should be bullied for not wanting to continue a course. Particularly when they've had the good grace to tell the provider face to face. Some people would just not turn up.

What a sick. It’s not you, it’s him.

Unbelievably rude, you've done nothing wrong. It should have been a 5 min chat, you didn't owe him answers or a long conversation.
I would definitely contact the governing body with what you've said in your op.
Also check your terms and conditions to see if you can get a refund or part refund.