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Original poster

To even think of having another baby

116 replies

Soitis83 · 29/10/2024 20:48

I have three children all under 5. My youngest is only 4 months old. Some days are really quite stressful, mostly though I love it. I'm mid 30's now and my last pregnancy really took its toll on me. But something inside me really wants just one more, I don't feel complete yet. But with things getting more expensive, we would have to move to accommodate another child, these sleepless nights are so hard, it's ridiculous to even consider another one.
When did you feel done? And if you didn't feel done but stopped anyway, did you get over it? I'm finding myself crying at all my baby's firsts because they're my lasts instead of enjoying them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soitis83 · 30/10/2024 10:34

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 30/10/2024 09:32

Did she work?

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Not until we were older children

OP posts:
Original poster
Soitis83 · 30/10/2024 10:34

pecanroll · 30/10/2024 09:31

I'm a very capable mum. Also, my mum had 4, me being the youngest. Never did I feel like she took time away from me for the others, neither did any of my siblings.

I've no doubt you are, as I say it's not about you, you're coming at this entirely from your own point of view. Your mum was raising children 30 years ago, it's a different world, schools are different, parenting is different, costs are different. You're not even at the school age yet to understand the demands of that, never mind the teen years.

It's basic maths (time + money)/ 4 is a much smaller number than (time + money)/ 3.

Very good points.

OP posts:
Geranen · 30/10/2024 10:16

Redplenty · 29/10/2024 20:59

Do you want four close in age teenagers fighting, or just another round of baby snuggles?

What a balanced set of possibilities.

Scutterbug · 30/10/2024 09:44

we had four in six years. Absolutely no regrets. Three felt “uneven”. Four teenagers was fine, they were good fun although we had ups and downs of course. I say go for it!

SemperIdem · 30/10/2024 09:38

Being a “very capable” mum to very young children is very different to being the same to older children whose differing and simultaneous needs will put entirely different demands on you.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 30/10/2024 09:32

Soitis83 · 30/10/2024 09:16

I'm a very capable mum. Also, my mum had 4, me being the youngest. Never did I feel like she took time away from me for the others, neither did any of my siblings.

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Did she work?

pecanroll · 30/10/2024 09:31

I'm a very capable mum. Also, my mum had 4, me being the youngest. Never did I feel like she took time away from me for the others, neither did any of my siblings.

I've no doubt you are, as I say it's not about you, you're coming at this entirely from your own point of view. Your mum was raising children 30 years ago, it's a different world, schools are different, parenting is different, costs are different. You're not even at the school age yet to understand the demands of that, never mind the teen years.

It's basic maths (time + money)/ 4 is a much smaller number than (time + money)/ 3.

WhatASadLittleLifeJayne · 30/10/2024 09:30

Hmm. I wouldn't personally but I find 3 a lot. I think it would be a bit premature given you only have less than 5 years' parenting under your belt - you have no idea what it's like to have a primary school child/tween - of course that argument fails at some point unless you wait 18 years between kids, but preschoolers are a walk in the park logistically tbh.

polkadotclip · 30/10/2024 09:27

The that you don't feel complete is worth exploring, OP.

Why is that?

Maybe it is hormones and sleepless nights. That's completely normal to have a reaction to that. But it is temporary.

Logically, I'm sure you know you are a complete person whether you have one, none or 9 children. So worth exploring why you feel this now.

Original poster
Soitis83 · 30/10/2024 09:18

Newsenmum · 30/10/2024 09:08

I’m thinking kitten when I’m done. Also means I can use the other names I liked ;)
I always wanted 3 or 4 kids (currently on 2) but one of ours has a lot of additional needs so not sure how well we DH would cope with more.

Edited
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That's the other thing, I had all these names I loved but never got to use. I guess my dog will have the girl names I didn't get to use if I got a female dog 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Soitis83 · 30/10/2024 09:17

Newsenmum · 30/10/2024 09:07

What are your current age gaps? Maybe you can have one more but give it a bit more time. Then you still have loads to look forward to! Dh on board? If you’re fine financially then 4 may even be better than 3 as no singular middle child.

One is a two year age gap and the others a bit less. But roughly 2 years between each child.
That would be something to consider in the future I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soitis83 · 30/10/2024 09:16

pecanroll · 30/10/2024 09:11

"I don't feel complete yet" it's not just about you (and your hormones) any more, it's about the 3 other children that need your time and resources. Another child will effectively be taking from them. They have 2 siblings already.

I'm a very capable mum. Also, my mum had 4, me being the youngest. Never did I feel like she took time away from me for the others, neither did any of my siblings.

OP posts:
pecanroll · 30/10/2024 09:11

"I don't feel complete yet" it's not just about you (and your hormones) any more, it's about the 3 other children that need your time and resources. Another child will effectively be taking from them. They have 2 siblings already.

Newsenmum · 30/10/2024 09:08

Soitis83 · 30/10/2024 09:04

I think a puppy would be a great idea when my boys are older. I think that would actually really help

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I’m thinking kitten when I’m done. Also means I can use the other names I liked ;)
I always wanted 3 or 4 kids (currently on 2) but one of ours has a lot of additional needs so not sure how well we DH would cope with more.

Newsenmum · 30/10/2024 09:07

What are your current age gaps? Maybe you can have one more but give it a bit more time. Then you still have loads to look forward to! Dh on board? If you’re fine financially then 4 may even be better than 3 as no singular middle child.

Original poster
Soitis83 · 30/10/2024 09:04

MissHalloween · 30/10/2024 08:46

It sounds crazy but have you considered getting a kitten or a puppy in a few years time?
My cat is my fourth DS!

I think a puppy would be a great idea when my boys are older. I think that would actually really help

OP posts:
Original poster
Soitis83 · 30/10/2024 09:03

rainbowstardrops · 30/10/2024 08:31

What if you don't 'feel done' after a fourth baby? Are you just going to keep having babies until you can't?!
You'll also have to move house and potentially buy a larger car etc. let alone the toll it would take on your body.
I'd focus on the children you have personally.

This is my concern. Will I ever feel done?

OP posts:
Original poster
Soitis83 · 30/10/2024 08:54

Edingril · 30/10/2024 08:30

So you have one more then what another and another? Will you cope as a single parent if you have too? What about the effects on the children already born? It's not a hobby having children well shouldn't be

Yeah I would cope. DH is away a lot for work anyway and I love raising children. Not a hobby by any means, a life goal for me personally.

OP posts:
MissHalloween · 30/10/2024 08:46

It sounds crazy but have you considered getting a kitten or a puppy in a few years time?
My cat is my fourth DS!

Dilbertian · 30/10/2024 08:35

TBH I never felt done. Can totally relate to how you are feeling. But sometimes your head needs to rule your heart. It does get easier, I promise you. Focus on the joy of what you've got, and try to ignore wishful thinking.

rainbowstardrops · 30/10/2024 08:31

What if you don't 'feel done' after a fourth baby? Are you just going to keep having babies until you can't?!
You'll also have to move house and potentially buy a larger car etc. let alone the toll it would take on your body.
I'd focus on the children you have personally.

Edingril · 30/10/2024 08:30

So you have one more then what another and another? Will you cope as a single parent if you have too? What about the effects on the children already born? It's not a hobby having children well shouldn't be

BabyOwlinthePlumeria · 30/10/2024 08:28

You'll feel the sadness of things "being the last" no matter if you have a hundred children. Knowing your last baby is your last, it's just something you have to go through. Also your bio clock gives no fucks about how difficult it is to carry and raise a baby, so it will definitely try to lead you astray during your late 30s

Didimum · 30/10/2024 08:28

I find the concept of children ‘completing’ someone a bit off. Regardless of that feeling, children don’t exist to complete someone and they shouldn’t be bought into this world for that purpose. They should not ‘complete’ each other as siblings either.

If expense, space and time are in any way considerations or even vague concerns, then I think you should focus on the enriching the lives of the three children you already have and not further depleting yourself or your resources.

Halfemptyhalfling · 30/10/2024 08:19

I would think about it when baby is one and give your body time to recover

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