To even think of having another baby

I had five in seven years (all singles). It was lovely when they were all small, toddling about together, and I didn't have to worry about entertaining them. The problems came when they were older and the eldest didn't want to do the 'boring' stuff that the youngest wanted to do and the youngest wasn't able to do what the eldest wanted - and I got pulled in every direction at once. Plus the tween-and-teen fighting and arguing was off the scale.

I'd say let your hormones settle down for a bit. You might find that you bed into the family you already have, and it might well get a bit harder as they get older anyway.

I'm sorry you've had a lot of trauma. Maybe therapy might really help you. Then you can decide to have more babies or not later on. You should be able to access perinatal mental health with such a little one. Good luck to you.

Do you have your own identity? As a mother and as a XYZ? Your posts are coming across like babies are filling a void in you. Maybe consider therapy to explore if this isn't just PND and a reaction to be alone a lot with three little ones, and reconnect with your values and wishes so whatever you decide you're doing it from a healthy place.

The feeling does go. Wait it out.

Yes we could afford it because I'll be back at work.
So who will be doing the supervising of homework for four children? After school sports and clubs? Conversations with each child about their day?

your husband helps out? He doesnt equally parent at the moment? Just helps you?

When it comes to kids, I think more is more! 😊

you say they wouldnt have to go without, so clearly you have plenty of money, but what about time? Does each child get one-one-one time with parents? Will each child get to attend the sports and clubs they are interested in? What if one child excels at a sport and needs to be doing it daily, can you facilitate that with four? What happens to the other three when one has training?

my dd is at her sport three times a week atm. And really she needs to be there more when competing. Ds is also at his three times a week. If we had another two children, they couldnt do that. They would go without. Not because of funds, but because of logistics.

the people i know who made decisions to keep having children because they ‘didnt feel done’ have children who dont do much outside of the home. And with one family of many kids the older ones are very hands on, rather than being teens. They do miss out. They get presents, there are consoles galore, screen time aplenty, but not much in the line of hobbies, sports or quality time.

and waiting a couple of years means the age gap gets worse. Can you really stimulate and add age appropriate cultural experiences and value to a toddler at the same time as a 9 year old?

It's always mums of primary school kids who have no idea what waits for them in the teenager phase and later uni if they want to go.

You're not even at the school age yet to understand the demands of that, never mind the teen years.
As someone whose children are a little older can I just mention that you're on the relatively easy bit?

I agree with @pecanroll and @Isonthecase

It's no coincidence that posts like this are nearly always from mothers of children of aged primary and under.

@Soitis83 During the primary school years you will be running yourself ragged running this child or that child to and from after school activities, playdates and birthday parties. Then there is the expense of school uniforms, school trips, requests from school for monetary donations and gifts for fundraising activities.

Then secondary school - supporting your DC to do their homework, being a shoulder to cry on when their best friend isn't talking to them any more, potentially bullying, GCSE stress x 4. A level stress x 4, UCAS x 4, the expense of providing enough technology for them to do homework (4 laptops, 4 mobile phones), then the biggest expense of them all - topping up student loans when they are at university.

You can afford 4 children at this age. Do you think that you could afford four teenagers?

Also, the drudgery. All the cooking, washing and cleaning. Even if your hsband pulls his weight it is a lot of work.

Never underestimate how hard it is to parent even the easiest of teenagers. They need you far more on an emotional level than small children where a simple hug and a kiss makes them feel better.

you never regret the children you have

Actually, that's not true. It's a taboo subject, but there have been several threads on mumsnet from posters who would disagree with you.

I love raising children. Not a hobby by any means, a life goal for me personally.

I hope that isn't the only goal you have in life. There must be other worthwhile things you want to do?

I'm out the other side, but I found the primary school years the easiet, and the secondary school years the hardest. There is no way I would have wanted to endure that 4 times.

Can I suggest that you read the following topics to get an idea of what can lie ahead before you make any rash decisions:

Teenagers
Secondary education
Further education
Higher education

Also, you haven't mentioned what your DH thinks. Does he even want any more children?

Your baby is 4 months old, so you're not even over the birth yet. Tell yourself you're going to park the issue and return to it in a year.

I’m 1 of 5, my dad is 1 of 6, and personally I always thought that the most valuable thing my parents provided was a large and varied support network.That far outweighed any financial benefit there might have been with fewer siblings.

That's your opinion and that's fine, I don't agree of course but at least it's child centred, it's better than "I just don't feel done".

I found things got easier as time went on, I loved the primary school and secondary school years.

As someone whose children are a little older can I just mention that you're on the relatively easy bit? My youngest is 2 and there are definitely days when I think how nice it would have been to have had two children (or even one!). By all means go for four but I'd definitely recommend waiting until your youngest is at least 18months to make a decision so you know who you've got so far.

I’m 1 of 5, my dad is 1 of 6, and personally I always thought that the most valuable thing my parents provided was a large and varied support network.

That far outweighed any financial benefit there might have been with fewer siblings.

Just to say I'm not saying you can't rationalise that it would be good for the kids, I know some people think it is, you just don't seem to be considering them in this at all.

boggling my mind is bobbling a little too.

That's the thing, you never regret the children you have only the ones you don't have. I don't want to get old and regret not going for one more.

But yet again you're centring this entirely around you, what do you think is genuinely best for your children? I find it mind bobbling just how narrow minded you're being, when I was weighing up a 3rd my 2 children were front and centre of my thought process, you're coming across extremely me, me, me.