To even think of having another baby

Agree with this.

I think it is important to consider the what ifs. I had a third that has massively impacted family life due to additional needs and extreme behaviour. I am under no illusions that their siblings have been negatively impacted and I feel guilty all the time that my time and energy is mostly spent on the third child, with little left to give to my older two. I think we take for granted that having a baby is simple and that baby will be perfect, but that isn't always the reality. My youngest is nearly 12 and it hasn't got easier, its got harder the older they get. Just another perspective to consider.

Absolutely not

Got to agree with others, wait until you hit the teenage years. It can be tough when they are having emotional problems, or need help with exam revision. It can be a tough gig.

Definitely sound advice from this poster. It's all fine until it isn't...

I definitely felt done when I had my fourth as it was an emergency section due to placental abruption. No way was I walking that road again due to all the risks. I get that it's much more difficult to come to terms with stopping if you sail through each pregnancy. I did until my fourth...glad to be out the baby stage now they're 17, 14, 9 and 7.

With 3 under 5, I feel you've not yet reached the mental stage when homework ramps up, emotional support is required, kid's social lives and clubs explodes etc etc. I have 3 - age 9, 6 and 21months. It is RELENTLESS. I wouldn't have it any other way, and we have a truly lovely life - but I don't remember the last time I sat down to watch tv or chilled out or did something purely for myself. I had a niggling feeling we needed a 3rd, but have a totally done feeling now! Everything is on vinted!

For me it’s effective to think about the implications if number four has additional needs or something goes wrong with the pregnancy or birth. You say your family is perfect right now- how would it be to have a child who will always need care? How would it impact on the older siblings once you and your H are too old to handle caring for an adult child, or when you pass? What if something happened to you during the birth?

Grim maybe, but I know a few families where these scenarios have happened, and it’s really, really tough for everyone in that family. I always see having another baby as rolling the dice again.

Has anyone suggested getting a kitten? Or a puppy? I found having a baby animal an effective cure for broodiness (and their night waking doesn’t last as long as a human baby!).

DH is one of 4. He gets along very well with all his siblings, which is great.

His parents would tell you that they got plenty of attention and had a good, loving upbringing. But that's a very rose tinted view of it. All 4 siblings complain privately about how little attention they got, how chaotic their childhood was and how they envy people who grew up in smaller families. Especially as the 3rd was an absolute nightmare age 8-16 and a lot of their parents attention was taken away by him.

The fact is you just don't have the time. As they grow older, they need so much more of your attention and you won't have it. You just don't. You need to think about your existing children, and whether a 4th is what is best for them.

Also, this.

It's probably your hormones...after I'd had dc3 I was desperate for another one, then dc3 got to 12 months and the feeling completely & utterly disappeared.

So very glad I didn't listen to my crazy hormones and have a 4th. I'm back to work part time and it's good.

But there will be plenty of firsts with the children you already have🙍

Sounds like you aren't enjoying the children if you are thinking too much about the next one at the same time.

I can't relate as I knew i was done and soon as DS2 was handed to me for the first time!

Why do you feel the need to decide now?

Why not wait a year?

3 is the magic number! i don't think theurge to have more children(for women not men so much) doesn't really go away for while the possibility is there- evolution etc... but you sounds like you have a lovely family.. good luck :)

@anicecuppateaa Then he should have done something about that BEFORE he got you pregnant, not expect you to have an abortion of a child you'd happily have.

I actually agree with this. Some people can (and should) only have one, others do very well with 4. Some people love being part of a bigger family and each sibling brings something for them. One example I can think of is a friend who is one of 4 and all siblings are 4 years apart.

I have 4, with bigger gaps though so probably less stressful in some ways. I didn't feel done after number 3 and waited 5 years for the feeling to go away before giving in and having my 4th. I'm definitely done now and our family feels complete. I have no regrets and love having a larger than average family. Generally speaking, 4 doesn't feel too different to 3, but it does come with some adjustments: We had to buy a people carrier because a standard 7 seater doesn't comfortably fit all the car seats, buggies and luggage a large family needs, travel is a lot more expensive and logistically can be a headache, hotel family rooms are often set up for 2-3 child families, rarely 4 and everything is just more expensive! We are also upsizing our house because they all get to an age where they just need more space and privacy. We just adjusted our expectations and found alternatives where needed.
Knowing mumsnet you'll mostly get replies telling you not to do it. I'll go against the grain and say that if you think you can cope financially, physically and mentally and you know in your heart that you're not done then go for it.

The parents of big families always say the kids don't mind another sibling but if you were to ask, for example, the Radford kids I am sure they will say differently.

Could you afford to support all 4 through university if that's what they wanted to pursue?