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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH refers to himself as my “Dad”

482 replies

GingerBreadGinge · 29/10/2024 18:22

Weird one! DH has for a long time referred to himself as “Daddy” when it comes to me. (Not sexual!)

For example if I need his help he will say “Your Daddy will do it” “Daddy do” or “Let your Dad help you” or “Your Father will fix it” He keeps saying he should really stop calling himself my Dad.

Is this infantilising? We do have kids so he is used to being “Daddy” but he refers to himself as my “Dad”

AIBU? Is this weird?? He also says “Good girl!” When I’ve done a task etc. Or “You’re a good girl!” I’m in my forties!! DS has even begun to correct him saying “She’s not a girl, she’s a woman” Etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 31/10/2024 21:29

Op, this is 100% kink from his perspective even if only in his head!!!!

The fact he says he owns you and as a wife you are his possession is basic dominant/submissive talk...... except you are not a submissive/his little girl!!!

supersop60 · 31/10/2024 19:34

GingerBreadGinge · 31/10/2024 12:27

He’s implied that I’m incompetent since early on, I do believe he has a superiority complex and sees himself as superior to me in our relationship. He has very little patience for people who don’t get things right the first time or for people who don’t think as fast as he does. He takes the attitude of (not just towards me) people can’t be relied to get things right and will only fuck it up so he takes over. Does this to our kids too.

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Well, he's going to end up competent and lonely then, isn't he?

EmpressaurusDelleGatte · 31/10/2024 14:52

GingerBreadGinge · 31/10/2024 12:27

He’s implied that I’m incompetent since early on, I do believe he has a superiority complex and sees himself as superior to me in our relationship. He has very little patience for people who don’t get things right the first time or for people who don’t think as fast as he does. He takes the attitude of (not just towards me) people can’t be relied to get things right and will only fuck it up so he takes over. Does this to our kids too.

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Why are you still with him? Serious question - is it through choice or because of difficulties in leaving?

CheekySwan · 31/10/2024 13:27

GingerBreadGinge · 31/10/2024 12:27

He’s implied that I’m incompetent since early on, I do believe he has a superiority complex and sees himself as superior to me in our relationship. He has very little patience for people who don’t get things right the first time or for people who don’t think as fast as he does. He takes the attitude of (not just towards me) people can’t be relied to get things right and will only fuck it up so he takes over. Does this to our kids too.

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I would respond with something like if daddy doesn't stop calling himself mummys daddy, then daddy will be getting no mummy and daddy time

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 31/10/2024 13:21

GingerBreadGinge · 31/10/2024 12:19

He does make out that I’m incompetent in arguments and will make sweeping statements such as I rely on him for everything. (I don’t) When he says that I rely on him for everything I ask him to back it up with examples but he can’t give me any. He really makes me furious when he says that.

It’s definitely not a sexual thing as people have implied 🤢

We’ve had fights in the past where he’s been patronising, I’ve asked him to not speak to me like a child and he tells me to stop acting like one then etc.

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Christ, he gets grimmer by the minute. Why do you want to be with someone who thinks you're a bit thick?

TheCatterall · 31/10/2024 12:31

@GingerBreadGinge sounss like his behaviour is only getting worse the more it goes on and the children as they age will really resent it and him.

you said he doesn’t behave like this in public with you in front of others.

what would he do if you told his close family and friends about how he calls himself daddy etc. would he be unhappy that you made it publicly known and were ribbing him on it?

if he doesn’t do that behaviour in front of others - then he is choosing to do it purposefully to you at home despite knowing you don’t like it.

that’s the bit I don’t like. He’s purposefully demeaning you.

Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 31/10/2024 12:27

CheekySwan · 31/10/2024 11:49

Is he trying to point out you are incompetent and he has to do stuff for you like your dad used to?

If not it would freak me out

He’s implied that I’m incompetent since early on, I do believe he has a superiority complex and sees himself as superior to me in our relationship. He has very little patience for people who don’t get things right the first time or for people who don’t think as fast as he does. He takes the attitude of (not just towards me) people can’t be relied to get things right and will only fuck it up so he takes over. Does this to our kids too.

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 31/10/2024 12:19

CheekySwan · 31/10/2024 11:49

Is he trying to point out you are incompetent and he has to do stuff for you like your dad used to?

If not it would freak me out

He does make out that I’m incompetent in arguments and will make sweeping statements such as I rely on him for everything. (I don’t) When he says that I rely on him for everything I ask him to back it up with examples but he can’t give me any. He really makes me furious when he says that.

It’s definitely not a sexual thing as people have implied 🤢

We’ve had fights in the past where he’s been patronising, I’ve asked him to not speak to me like a child and he tells me to stop acting like one then etc.

OP posts:
FlipFlopVibe · 31/10/2024 12:19

NotVanillaThankyou · 30/10/2024 21:23

Does he look after you well though and treat you like a queen?
Referring to himself as Daddy is a bit strange and off putting...
Buuut calling me a good girl, in a deep throaty voice and having a hand round my neck... Id be cool with.
Just about setting boundaries.
He isnt saying it jokingly to get a rise in a bad way though i reckon, he is saying it 'jokingly' to see if he can live out his Dom/sub kink and seeing if you will submit to him in the bedroom. Which is incredibly hot.
If you don't want him.....tell him I said hey...

Edited

And just lovely played out in front of the kids… 🤢

CommonAsMucklowe · 31/10/2024 12:09

And yet you say you're five years older than him. Just cements the weirdness for me. I absolutely would show him this thread. He needs to stop this now, just creepy AF.

CheekySwan · 31/10/2024 11:49

Is he trying to point out you are incompetent and he has to do stuff for you like your dad used to?

If not it would freak me out

CreamLampshade · 31/10/2024 11:24

GingerBreadGinge · 31/10/2024 10:11

Yes, it’s similar to this - when he is helping or doing something kind except he adds “your” - implying that he’s my Dad! Ick! He’s also extremely tall and I’m tiny.

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Bleurgh.

Asyoulikeit123 · 31/10/2024 10:52

Diggby · 30/10/2024 20:22

This except make yourself "Granny"

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Don't - he might like it! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Asyoulikeit123 · 31/10/2024 10:46

IncreasinglyGrumpy · 30/10/2024 22:33

No no and no !! I may be unusual but I really don't like people calling each other baby either so daddy would really be a no for me!

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I'm the same, 'love' is fine, 'pet' is cute and affectionate - But baby and gorgeous always sound too contrived for me!

Asyoulikeit123 · 31/10/2024 10:36

OMG nooooo, like I can be a bit scrappy and disorganised and DH might say "You really must call and sort that tomorrow" etc etc and I'd say "alright DAD" as a joke but I can never recall a time he referred to himself as it! Yes it's weird! 😲

Hotafternoon · 31/10/2024 10:30

17 pages in and I think this a joke. Surely no sane woman would put put up with a man behaving like this. 🙄

ThatTealViewer · 31/10/2024 10:21

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 31/10/2024 10:13

@GingerBreadGinge Have you tried saying, "Stop referring to yourself as my daddy because it makes me never want to have sex with you ever again"?

She hasn’t told him to stop and is not engaging with any comments asking why she hasn’t.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 31/10/2024 10:13

@GingerBreadGinge Have you tried saying, "Stop referring to yourself as my daddy because it makes me never want to have sex with you ever again"?

Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 31/10/2024 10:11

Witknit · 31/10/2024 08:29

My DH started to do this. Initially it was when he was doing something kind - "let daddy help". It didn't help that he is hugely tall and I am tiny, someone had joked that in the distance we looked like father and child - which I had thought funny ( for about 2 seconds) then this weirdness started.
I told him, he took the hump. He still does it occasionally.
We are otherwise stable and happy but it gives me the "ick" too and we are now in separate bedrooms

Yes, it’s similar to this - when he is helping or doing something kind except he adds “your” - implying that he’s my Dad! Ick! He’s also extremely tall and I’m tiny.

OP posts:
DearDenimEagle · 31/10/2024 10:00

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 30/10/2024 23:30

@GingerBreadGinge
The fact that you say he doesn't do this in front of other adults shows that it isn't a habit as he claims or he would 'forget ' & do it all the time even when other people are around.

It sounds like he is consciously using these controlling phrases & probably getting a kick out of it. 🤢

He is. He takes pleasure in insulting her and then says she is too sensitive because it’s a joke. She needs to look up this trait. He is demonstrating what he thinks and feels, which is more contempt than anything else. However, it makes him feel superior so he needs her to keep taking it. Hence brushing it off as a joke so he doesn’t have to get consequences, turns it around to put her in the wrong. He will do it all the more if she says she doesn’t want to hear it. He is not going to get any better. He will find other ways to put her down. It’s too much fun not to

PBJsandwich123 · 31/10/2024 09:37

It's a bit ick, but sounds like a slip of the tongue from just saying that sort of thing when he's around your kids, more than anything. If it makes you feel weird, let him know. Maybe tease him for sounding like such a dweeb. I wouldn't read into it more than that though

Sometimesright · 31/10/2024 09:33

LegoTherapy · 29/10/2024 18:24

How has your vagina not clamped shut?

This!

pollymere · 31/10/2024 09:14

YellowphantGrey · 30/10/2024 21:12

"T'ut wife" isn't Midlands is it? Thought it was Yorkshire?

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I think it's his attempt at Yorkshire 😂

Witknit · 31/10/2024 08:29

My DH started to do this. Initially it was when he was doing something kind - "let daddy help". It didn't help that he is hugely tall and I am tiny, someone had joked that in the distance we looked like father and child - which I had thought funny ( for about 2 seconds) then this weirdness started.
I told him, he took the hump. He still does it occasionally.
We are otherwise stable and happy but it gives me the "ick" too and we are now in separate bedrooms

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 31/10/2024 07:59

MyFirmCat · 30/10/2024 22:12

I can't say if you're being unreasonable or not as I don't know all about the context. Could there be a slightly sarcastic undertone in his statements? I imagine a situation where he may have felt in the past that you relied too much on him for certain tasks and he may not have been happy doing them for you, perhaps he felt that you should have done the tasks on your own, and perhaps he felt that it was a bit childish of you to ask help from him... In that situation, he may have started using these phrases to imply that you shouldn't rely on him for these things, that you should be more independent, comparing you to a child by comparing himself to your dad. And then, it may have become a habit, difficult to get rid of.

This is how I see it too.

Bottom line is whether you are happy or not.
Takes all sorts in relationships one woman's yuck is another's yes!

You say on here you don't like it but comes across as you don't actually mind it much. Otherwise you would have put a stop to it.
.fine between the two of you, but spare your DC from hearing it.