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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH refers to himself as my “Dad”

482 replies

GingerBreadGinge · 29/10/2024 18:22

Weird one! DH has for a long time referred to himself as “Daddy” when it comes to me. (Not sexual!)

For example if I need his help he will say “Your Daddy will do it” “Daddy do” or “Let your Dad help you” or “Your Father will fix it” He keeps saying he should really stop calling himself my Dad.

Is this infantilising? We do have kids so he is used to being “Daddy” but he refers to himself as my “Dad”

AIBU? Is this weird?? He also says “Good girl!” When I’ve done a task etc. Or “You’re a good girl!” I’m in my forties!! DS has even begun to correct him saying “She’s not a girl, she’s a woman” Etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ThatTealViewer · 01/11/2024 14:04

GingerBreadGinge · 01/11/2024 13:27

I’m not a kinky troll IMAO. As I have said previously , I have corrected him multiple times when he refers to me as a “girl” It’s extremely tiring having to constantly correct someone who repeatedly does not listen and continues to do it.

We are not acting out some sub/dom fantasy in front of our kids. I am certainly not meek in our relationship. I have corrected him about him referring to himself as my “Father” when he sees himself as helping me with something/cleaning up etc. Even he says that (on a side note) he probably shouldn’t be referring to himself as my dad and that it’s weird, I agree with him verbally, yes it’s weird, you shouldn’t do that.

It’s very waring when someone continues with a certain behaviour after you’ve told them multiple times to stop.

Show quote history

You haven’t told him to stop, though.

You claim you’ve ‘corrected him’ and ‘pulled him up’, but every time someone asks you if you’ve directly said ‘I do not like this, stop doing it’, you prevaricate or ignore them. For almost 500 comments.

CreamLampshade · 01/11/2024 13:44

GingerBreadGinge · 01/11/2024 13:42

I didn’t diagnose him. Just reading about the symptoms fits perfectly with his personality.

Show quote history

Sorry to hear this.

what else does he do that troubles you?

it’s great you’re acknowledging it. It can be so hard and scary to do so. So well done.

Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 01/11/2024 13:42

SilverChampagne · 01/11/2024 13:38

Why are you certain? You can be certain that he’s an utter weirdo, for sure.
Diagnosing him with personality disorders is just plain stupid.

Show quote history

I didn’t diagnose him. Just reading about the symptoms fits perfectly with his personality.

OP posts:
SilverChampagne · 01/11/2024 13:38

GingerBreadGinge · 01/11/2024 13:35

For those who have asked - I’m pretty certain that he has NPD.

Why are you certain? You can be certain that he’s an utter weirdo, for sure.
Diagnosing him with personality disorders is just plain stupid.

Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 01/11/2024 13:35

For those who have asked - I’m pretty certain that he has NPD.

OP posts:
CheekySwan · 01/11/2024 13:31

I would just snap and shout i'm not your bloody child

Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 01/11/2024 13:27

NeckolasCage · 01/11/2024 13:11

This.

OP if even half of this is true, you’re both a fucking safeguarding risk for your child(ren). They shouldn’t be hearing this pornified stuff, and they shouldn’t be seeing you protest meekly like a role-playing weirdo, if you even actually do that much.

I posted upthread that the way you deal with it is to contact a counsellor and tell him you are both going to discuss this with an outsider, or you will file for divorce. And you go and you tell the counsellor everything including the way it is already upsetting your son who can sense, even if he doesn’t fully understand it, that boundaries are being crossed and he doesn’t feel safe.

Either that, or you’re just a kinky troll yourself.

Show quote history

I’m not a kinky troll IMAO. As I have said previously , I have corrected him multiple times when he refers to me as a “girl” It’s extremely tiring having to constantly correct someone who repeatedly does not listen and continues to do it.

We are not acting out some sub/dom fantasy in front of our kids. I am certainly not meek in our relationship. I have corrected him about him referring to himself as my “Father” when he sees himself as helping me with something/cleaning up etc. Even he says that (on a side note) he probably shouldn’t be referring to himself as my dad and that it’s weird, I agree with him verbally, yes it’s weird, you shouldn’t do that.

It’s very waring when someone continues with a certain behaviour after you’ve told them multiple times to stop.

OP posts:
NeckolasCage · 01/11/2024 13:11

YellowphantGrey · 01/11/2024 12:56

Because she likes sharing their kinks here. Probably adds to their kink.

She's ignores everyone's advice and now updates each time he says it.

Grim

Show quote history

This.

OP if even half of this is true, you’re both a fucking safeguarding risk for your child(ren). They shouldn’t be hearing this pornified stuff, and they shouldn’t be seeing you protest meekly like a role-playing weirdo, if you even actually do that much.

I posted upthread that the way you deal with it is to contact a counsellor and tell him you are both going to discuss this with an outsider, or you will file for divorce. And you go and you tell the counsellor everything including the way it is already upsetting your son who can sense, even if he doesn’t fully understand it, that boundaries are being crossed and he doesn’t feel safe.

Either that, or you’re just a kinky troll yourself.

Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 01/11/2024 13:10

pollymere · 01/11/2024 13:07

"I'm woman enough to not put up with this behaviour anymore, either stop it or leave."

You are right.

OP posts:
pollymere · 01/11/2024 13:07

"I'm woman enough to not put up with this behaviour anymore, either stop it or leave."

Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 01/11/2024 13:05

SilverChampagne · 01/11/2024 12:54

So why didn’t you?

I have pulled him up multiple times before, it’s exhausting having to constantly correct him. I understand that this isn’t a healthy way of looking at it. Thinking long and hard about whether to stay in this marriage as there’s other stuff that I haven’t mentioned. Leaving will take a long time so in the meantime it’s a case of “water off a ducks back” when it comes to any nonsense. I hope that makes sense.

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 01/11/2024 13:00

YellowphantGrey · 01/11/2024 12:56

Because she likes sharing their kinks here. Probably adds to their kink.

She's ignores everyone's advice and now updates each time he says it.

Grim

Show quote history

Oh god no this is NOT a kink post 🤮

OP posts:
YellowphantGrey · 01/11/2024 12:56

SilverChampagne · 01/11/2024 12:54

So why didn’t you?

Because she likes sharing their kinks here. Probably adds to their kink.

She's ignores everyone's advice and now updates each time he says it.

Grim

SilverChampagne · 01/11/2024 12:54

So why didn’t you?

Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 01/11/2024 12:53

Yeah it does bother me. He just did it again. We have a new appliance in the kitchen and I told him I tried it out and figured out how to work it. Clever girl! He said. I cringed but should have said something.

OP posts:
Kirstk · 01/11/2024 12:48

distinctpossibility · 29/10/2024 18:24

Ugh that would give me the ick and would possibly be completely irreparable.

Does it bother you? If so, he needs to break the habit.

My guess is it does bother her.. I don't think she's bring it to Mumsnet if something wasn't niggling x

Kirstk · 01/11/2024 12:47

GingerBreadGinge · 29/10/2024 18:22

Weird one! DH has for a long time referred to himself as “Daddy” when it comes to me. (Not sexual!)

For example if I need his help he will say “Your Daddy will do it” “Daddy do” or “Let your Dad help you” or “Your Father will fix it” He keeps saying he should really stop calling himself my Dad.

Is this infantilising? We do have kids so he is used to being “Daddy” but he refers to himself as my “Dad”

AIBU? Is this weird?? He also says “Good girl!” When I’ve done a task etc. Or “You’re a good girl!” I’m in my forties!! DS has even begun to correct him saying “She’s not a girl, she’s a woman” Etc.

AIBU?

This would creep me out... It's like he's fantasizing having a relationship with his own child..... I would watch him with my daughter too this raises massive red flags. This is not normal he is your husband not your father and he definitely isn't God.(Only other father)

DearDenimEagle · 01/11/2024 11:52

GingerBreadGinge · 31/10/2024 12:27

He’s implied that I’m incompetent since early on, I do believe he has a superiority complex and sees himself as superior to me in our relationship. He has very little patience for people who don’t get things right the first time or for people who don’t think as fast as he does. He takes the attitude of (not just towards me) people can’t be relied to get things right and will only fuck it up so he takes over. Does this to our kids too.

Show quote history

He means every thing he says. You must believe him except when he turns and says it’s a joke. It isn’t. It’s what he thinks. Same with owning you. Please please please google narcissism. I’ve read the thread and you should check if you’re dealing with an idiot or a narcissist because the latter can ruin your and your children’s lives as he escalates.

DearDenimEagle · 01/11/2024 11:47

He sounds more and more NPD or well up the spectrum at least with every post I read. Not a good environment for children or wife.

OP, read up on Narcissism on google, especially Narcs in marriage and see if you can relate to it . You sound as if he’s conditioned you to accept too much abuse.

Lozza24 · 01/11/2024 10:33

That would knock me physically sick ! Very weird and strange behaviour. I wouldn’t trust him either.

Sugarysugar · 01/11/2024 04:41

GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 17:51

He has a “oddball” sense of humour.

Other stuff he says that I’ve pulled him on and our son pulls him on -

He says jokingly with a big smile in his face - “I own you” and “wives are property”

I obviously pull him up on saying such things, it’s odd, he doesn’t genuinely believe that, however he says deliberately inflammatory statements to get a rise out of me. He’s “joking” around when he says it. Tells me not to be so serious etc.

I'm sure he does say these things with a big smile on his face. He is hiding in plain sight his very real sexual kink.
He is playing games with you. I'm sure your naivety in taking remarks like these as jokes, and your apparent inability to see the whole Daddy/ little girl play acting as sexual must be giving him a real thrill.

PurebredRacingUnicorn · 01/11/2024 04:40

Just......no.

marmamumma · 01/11/2024 04:10

GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 04:37

I’ve no issue with him referring to me as Mum when the kids are around and I occasionally call him Dad when they are around too - “Daddy, can you throw the ball?” or “Mammy, DS wants a story.” Etc.

The issue is with DH talking like he is MY Dad.

Me - Do you mind taking a look at the washing machine?
Him - Your Father will sort it (meaning him)
(or) - Your Daddy will do it. Say thank you Daddy. Etc.

Show quote history

Oh well that's just revolting. Sorry OP I misunderstood.

sesa145 · 01/11/2024 00:44

The first time would be the last. I would have run a mile

TwoNinetyNine · 31/10/2024 21:30

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