Why are all MILs so horrible?

Well, obviously they're not! My own MIL was lovely (my actual mum was horrible). But people only tend to comment when they have problems.

This could be explained by using evolutionary psychology. Paternal grandparents are the least invested in their son’s children because historically, paternity would have been less certain. The least invested person is the paternal grandfather, then paternal grandmother. The most invested person would be the woman’s mother, siblings and then father.

That means your own mum will never judge you but your MIL won’t be very certain about your character and will behave more like a stranger.

I am a genuine, good, kind loving person and was a single parent. I keep trying to make a relationship with my Dil but she's having none of it. She hates me and has ruined my close relationship with my son.

Her mother admitted to me once that Dil is jealous.

It's very sad for me and my son who I have to love at a distance

I think its just a tricky relationship to get right.

We were fine before I became pregnant, then suddenly it became a mothering competition; MIL vs me and my mum.

Looking back I can see I wasn't perfect either, but MIL was on a mission to prove that she was number one in my child's and husband's lives. It was never a battle she was going to win and it ruined our relationship. Stamping all over a new mother's feelings and wishes isn't going to achieve anything except them giving you a wide berth!

However, I know MIL is not a bad person and loves my children and her son. She would also do anything for me if I asked her.

I absolutely adore my MIL. She has been so hands on with our children yet never pushes her opinion on anything. We choose to holiday with them at least once a year, they live 10 mins away so we see them a lot. We are also very close to my parents. My husband and I always say how lucky we have been with each others parents! Not a single friend of mine has a similar relationship with their mil, I definitely feel like like I'm in the minority.

My ex’s mum was lovely.

My mil however is one of those interfering know it alls who believes everything wrong with her son (such as him cnba to contact her or his sister much. Or rarely going around) is all my fault. Funny thing is they only get invited to say bbqs and such here because I tell dh to do it.

I have a lovely MIL!

She has her moments but so does my own mum😂

My DH loves his mum very much and I am always kind and warm towards her, but she was terrible mother and allowed her son to go through horrible abuse. I can’t forgive this so I just have to grit my teeth.

This is sick making but mines my best friend. But I agree with you and don't feel like the norm!

I don’t hate my MIL. We have had a few issues over the years but my husband has always told her off. Now, we get on fine and enjoy each other’s company.

Both my mils (step mil and mil) are excellent. Very different from each other but I get on really well with them both.

I've had 3 MILs.

Don't tar them all with the same brush !

Nos. 1 & 3 were wonderful. Warm, loving, etc - everything my own DM was not.

No. 2 was the unimaginable bitch from hell. I could top every story I've read on MN. She even threatened to disinherit her grandchildren if they didn't visit regularly - so they hated her as well .

I’ve been divorced for twelve years now, but still really like my MIL. And FIL. They are lovely people that have helped me through many crap times , and fantastic grandparents too.

I’ve seen far more posts across social media about women who are NC with their own mums than I have of MILs. The ones I’ve seen of MILs seem to be that they are narcissistic, which is horrific to deal with. My own MIL is a narcissist and has caused so much trauma for us, but she has for her other kids too and was abusive during their childhood. My husband is the only one of them who has cut all contact with her, which of course is all my fault as the evil DIL 🙄

But for what it’s worth, my SIL is closer to my mum than she is with her own. She even moved house with my brother because she wanted to be right next to my mum. She rarely even speaks to her own.

just treat your future DIL like you would your own daughter. Be there for her and her children and it’ll be fine. The fall outs are usually to do with nasty behaviour aimed at the DIL or her children.

People who don’t have problems with their MIL aren’t posting so it seems like MILs are a problem but it’s a minority who are.

Lovely to hear positive MIL stories!

Mine was ok... we were different but had a good relationship (she isn't alive now)
and I am a fabulous MIL myself
I have a great relationship with both my son-in-law and daughter-in-law, both of whom lived with us for a few years. I occasionally nag SIL as he's horrifically untidy and it drives my dd2 nuts, but we are very fond of each other (I also do a huge amount of child care and we have a very easy relationship with it thankfully!)
DIL... couldn't love her more if she was my own. She's great!

We may just be lucky, but I think we are an easy going bunch generally, we respect each other and enjoy it when we all get together.

I get on better wiff tv h my mil than my own mum.

Mine was lovely.

I dare say there are plenty of blokes who would complain about their awful MIL as well, they just don't come onto MN to do it, so it isn't going to be just the mums of boys getting slagged off.

My MIL tells me often I'm the daughter she wished she had. I love her. We don't agree about everything and sometimes she really annoys me with her stuborness and I'm sure she must find me annoying at times as well but on the whole we get along really well. She's a generous, altruistic kind person and I'm really lucky to have her in my life.

They aren't all horrible. Mine, for example, is brilliant - it's just that people only start threads about the dreadful stuff rather than to boast and gloat about their fabulous MIL. Sorry if you've had a bad experience.

I am not sure - I have a 4 year old son and I know I won't be like this. As long as my future DIL treats my son with kindness I will love her.

But I also have a friend who has a 9 month old boy and she said her future DIL will need to be able "to cook, clean and also have an education". The way she said it really weirded me out.

I loved my mother in law, @Janey638, and I still grieve her loss. Frankly, she was more supportive of me than my own mum.

And I am a MIL too - and I’m a delight! I get on really well with my DIL - I respect her parenting decisions, and am supportive and encouraging. She is always encouraging us to visit, and would love it if we moved closer to them (at the moment they are about 8 hours drive away).

I loved mine and we had a good relationship. Her passing was extremely difficult for us all and I still get teary thinking about her now ❤️

I love my MIL, I get on with her more so than my own mother!