Why are all MILs so horrible?

I was fine with my MIL until I had a baby - she told me the baby preferred her to me, that she wanted me to leave hers when we came to visit so she could have the baby alone - that I must let her have the baby overnight without me. She was insistent. Also wouldn't let me hold my baby whatsoever and wouldn't give her back when I asked. Called herself "mum" to my baby

I genuinely haven't liked her since - even though she stopped behaving like it once my baby became a headstrong toddler who made it clear she preferred me.

I have two DBs, however, and their wives are closer to my DM than their own mums - so it's not always the case!

These replies make me really happy as I have a DS and I want to get on with their future partner.
I would really like to get on with MIL and sometimes we can be civil with each other but she likes to be in control of everyone and can be critical of my parenting choices. This makes it really hard to warm to her.
But my own mum gets on with her MIL really really well so I have seen it can be lovely! I also really like my DH grandmother and grandfather!

People are just more likely to talk about it on here if they have awful MILs.
There are loads if lovely MILs but why would anyone start a thread about how they get on well with their MIL?? People usually want advice on how to cope with awful ones.
Mine isn't great tbh but she's not totally awful. My own mum is actually worse. But her MIL absolutely hated her. However she may have had good reason looking back on it... still tho she would complain about my mum to me which isn't great is it.. don't bad mouth the child's mum to the child.

My MIL is just a bit disinterested. She didn't even come to our wedding and has only met my youngest once. She's only ever had my eldest overnight once.. he is 9. And she's never had any of the others alone even for an hour. She's never visited our house despite being invited many times.
However from some of the stories I read on here I've got off lucky.

I've also read absolute horror stories about all family members on here tho.. it's not just MILs.

My view is that a lot of women change when they have children. The develop into themselves....obviously they were themselves before, but becoming a mother and being responsible for another human matures many. The better men also change taking responsibility for their family.

Mil up to this point often still had her little boy, who looked primarily to her. Now he's a man, the dil is putting the children first and mil is now on the outside, no longer the centre of the family dynamic.

Mine is also wonderful. There have been times I felt she was overbearing but I held my breath because her intentions have always been genuine. I am also aware that I am far from perfect and I’m sure there have been occasions where I have irritated her. Unlike our own mothers, the relationship takes work but if both sides compromise, it can work. DC are the light of her life and I want them to have that relationship with their GPs.

I have no doubt fault can apply on both sides - a number of DILs can be just as hard work as MILs can be and if there is no room for compromise, it won’t work. I have friends with nightmare MILs despite them trying so so hard to build a relationship, I know others who don’t treat their MILs well. I am South Asian know of families where parents have signed everything over to the son and DIL, father passes away and they treat the MiL like dirt on the bottom of their shoe. At this point she doesn’t have a penny to her name and no one to turn to. Extreme example but sadly too common in our background and shows fault absolutely goes both ways

Those who do have a good relationship are unlikely to post as there is nothing to say so we only hear about the problems and usually just one side on MN (the DIL)

It's the nature of this site to be largely negative, as people don't usually need advice for things they are happy with. I'm not going to come on and start a thread about how amazing my MIL is, I might start on if I need a vent if she has done something to annoy me and I need people's perspective on it. I really really get on with my MIL!

My MIL is way nicer than my Mum was. Sad really. I wanted my DM to be kind and caring and supportive, but she wasn't. That is my MIL.

I had a horrible mil and went NC. She lost the chance to see the grandchild for 5 years, I decided to forgive her and give her a chance. She repented and said sorry and yes, admitted she was horrible. We are doing ok now, and you know what? She was that way, because my husband did not stand up enough for me when she was that way. Sons who are ok with their mothers getting jealous of us , are to be called out

I have an amazing mil, I've two married sisters and they equally love their MILs too. People who post on here have an issue or complaint so you're only seeing the negative issues. If you're happy you're not posting here for advice.

I love and respect my MIL. I have two brothers, and their wives love my mum. People generally only post about problems on here, so you get a skewed view.

I do get the principal, but I was so close to my paternal grandfather and to be honest I really look much more like him than my mums side of the family. We wouldn't need a dna test. He doted on me.

Simple biology. Same way normally new mums want their own mums after birth.

Mils however do often get quite upset about that as they look at it as meeting the baby, whereas it’s really just a daughter wanting her mums comfort and care. The person who nurtured and cared for her, her whole life looked after her when sick and so on.

Thats where some issues seem to start once the baby arrives. Yes yes to the baby both grannies are equal grannies. But the mother is wanting help and comfort for herself, baby is a byproduct. But then you get all it’s not fair should be equal blah blah blah. When actually it’s just a grown women wanting a coffee and natter with her mother since she’s off work and baby is clearly going to be with her since it’s maternity leave.

They aren't, some just have difficulty letting go

I love mine to bits. She has been a much better mum to me than my own has. She is a wonderful grandmother to my children and is a huge part of our family. I had to work hard for her approval mind 😅 which I did.

I love my MIL. My husband moans that his Mum loves me more than she loves him! 😂

My MIL is so much more supportive and motherly than my mum. My mum is kept at arms length.

This sounds quite sensible

Sorry, love mine to bits. And she absolutely dotes on her son… however I have goddess status for giving her two grandchildren. Not all mums of sons are nutters.

My MIL is lovely. My last wasn't though.

My DMIL is wonderful. My ex-DMIL was mad as a box of frogs, but also lovely.

I think my DIL thinks I’m OK. She gives me the impression that she really likes me, but she’s an incredibly lovely person so she might just be pretending.

I'm a mother in law. All the in law relationships in my family are easy and straightforward. I don't interfere though, and I live my own life.
There's no doubt that some people are truly awful, so I believe a lot of the stories on here. A good friend has the most unpleasant, batshit mother ever and I think if she wrote about her on here, people would think it was made-up. Easy relationships generally don't have threads started to discuss them.

You are jealous of your sons’ girlfriends?

I absolutely adore my MIL. We chose to live a few streets over from her. We go out shopping, for dinner, afternoon tea etc. We have a holiday with her and the grandkids every year. She's an incredible mum, MIL, and nan. Long story short, she's great.

My MIL was lovely. Sweet and kind.

I used to hate mine but then I realised she’s a victim in her own marriage and I feel for her. So I’ve warmed to her and her sad for her