Why are all MILs so horrible?

Mine is absolutely lovely. I hit the MIL jackpot big-time - she's just genuinely kind and gentle and utterly wonderful, and treats all her daughters-in-law as if they were her own daughters. I'm incredibly blessed.

I get on much better with my mother in law than DH does with his (my mother) because my MIL is an easier person to get along with!

They aren't at all horrible of course not. There is usually competitive friction - most often lead and started by the wife who is jealous and wants to feel sure she is Queen Bee.

Where there is friction it is a two way process, more often than not driven by the daughter-in-law's insistence that her DH demonstrates again and again SHE is more important than his mother ever was and by setting little 'tests' to prove it.

There is no need for it because the DH has love enough for both but many wives can't accept this and view the MIL as competition. There are SO many threads on here where this is evident. There was a ridiculous one recently where the wife was having a tantrum because the DH wanted to have dinner with his mother. It was clear as day that it wasn't about this because she obv didn't want to have dinner with them but it was more a test - a point of principle - his time and attention must be on me first. If I say no, I HAVE to win. This is just rooted in jealousy and very sad.

MIL mostly love their sons and want the best for them. So will not be predisposed towards women they perceive as treating their sons poorly - first possible point of friction. Second point of friction- is wives/gf of the son who they perceive to be trying to upset a previously loving harmonious relationship by pulling these little 'tests' to prove they as the wife/gf are more important (DH you must spend mother's day with me and my mother anhd not your mother (until they have children), then DH you must spend every single mothers day all day with me, my mother and our children and not go anywhere near yours otherwise you can't possibly love me and I will sulk - this type of thing).

It's all very very sad and totally avoidable but alot of wives are jealous of the relationship and go all out to queer the pitch and turn the son against the MIL ('sigh, do we HAVE to see your Mother again this weekend, she's such a bitch to me') which then does not endear the MIL to them.

Not all relationships are like this obvious but you can see this theme radiating out of so many complaints about MIL on here.

YABU - mine is amazing! I'm having a boy and would like to be just like her when he grows up and I'm hopefully an in-law. She's been an absolutely incredible support to both of us.

My own mum had severe mental health issues and my MIL really supported me when she died last year.

I am sorry if it's been your experience though. I also think it's like relationship threads on here, people probably aren't posting when they're happy with their MILs anymore than their marriages.

I can't bear either of my in-laws. If DH and I ever divorce, that will be the one brightly shining silver lining in the cloud. I'm so envious of people with fabulous relationships with the PIL.

My mother had an abusive mother so when she got married my grandmother (her MIL) really embraced her and took on a mum role to her.

Unfortunately my MIL is a nightmare, she used to beat and starve her kids until they got big enough to fight back. She proudly tells stories about harassing neighbours to the point they moved away. When she was diagnosed with cancer her own brother demanded proof because it was just the kind of thing she'd lie about. She has alienated everyone who was ever in her life.

I do think the terrible ones are much less common than the lovely ones but the terrible ones get talked about more.

My MIL is nice enough on a superficial level & is probably more supportive of me than her own son, however, she openly favours one grandchild more than the others & has let my DD down repeatedly. She cannot be relied upon for anything & although she lives (too) close I no longer see her as she has not treated my DD well. But you get what you give & DD has absolutely no interest in her & doesn't visit either. If I seen her in the street I'd say hello but that's it now! I make no effort & nor does she.

Mine is the best. The only one to help with child care (I have 3 under 5). My own mum has passed and she's as close to the next best thing you can get.

Mine's fine 🤷

Not lovely but not awful

Mine is nice.

I love the woman who did a fabulous job bringing up a wonderful man - my DH

While I am sure there are some awful MIL out there, some of the threads on here definitely highlight a DIL problem
rather than a MIL one

This. My MIL is the closest thing to an actual, real, loving mum I’ll ever have. People won’t really be posting about their mil when they don’t have an issue with them I guess.

My mother in law is utterly disinterested in our families life's she on average visits once a year despite living 10 minutes away.
We've never fallen out she's always been this way which is her choice but what pisses me off is her getting my adult children's names the wrong way around.
It's made me really want to do better by my adult children's girlfriends/wife and not be like her

I had a wonderful mil until she got dementia. Now I struggle to have any sort of conversation with her and I miss her and our chats so much.

I never got to meet mine.

Mines lovely. Generous and the least demanding or judgmental person I know.We have quite different tastes and sometimes opinions but I love her and respect her right to think differently to me.
She never been anything but supportive. She’d always be in my side if my DH was a Wally.

Mine is absolutely wonderful. Technically she is my ex-MIL now but I would not have made it through my divorce without her. She could have chosen to turn her back on me when her son had an affair and left but she didn't. She's a big part of my life and I am forever grateful for her.

My MIL has helped me today clean the house we’re moving into.. some DIL’s can be absolute cows to their MIL for no reason whatsoever just because they want to favour their own family, not having a thought for their partner’s feelings. I am a mum to a son and I would be devastated if I got a DIL who wanted nothing to do with me.

I adore my MIL. Historically she'd have been my "go to" even before my own mum. She is a solidly caring, dependable person who loves our children like her own. So far from "horrible" I can't even describe. We now have some caring responsibilities for her as she has Parkinson's and I'd move her in tomorrow if I had the space

My MIL is absolutely lovely. She treats me like a daughter and I truly love her.

I have 2 lovely mil one is my ex mum and she’s so nice and having a hard time just now, my partners mum is just so lovely too total ray of sunshine 🌞 and I am a mum of 4 boys and don’t intend to be awful to any of my sons wives/partners

My MIL is a walking Daily Mail. She’s probably one of the most selfish people I’ve ever met. I’ve always found her hard work but us having a child coincided with her becoming more right-wing and drinking more. She can seem all lovely and friendly but she’s just completely self-absorbed. I have some absolute corker quotes from her.

I’m so envious of people with lovely MILs.

Mine is wonderful. We recently moved continents and the biggest advantage is we now live near her. She was, with my mum part of my wedding party and got on a plane as soon as DT’s were born. She stays with us every Christmas with my DFil (equally lovely) and my parents.

I loved my MIL. I sometimes got annoyed about her ideas around my DC but I knew there was no malice, just a difference of opinion.
I feel more grief from her passing than any of my grandparents.

Loved mine. Miss her so much since she died 3 years ago.