Why are all MILs so horrible?

I have 3 boys and am close to my DILs 😊

They're not. You read about bad ones on here. And some DILs are horrible.

I think there are mainly conflicts when the mil is bossy and expects their way or the high way. I suspect a lot of men just do what they’re told for an easy life in their 20s and then you get this clash where they marry and the mil can’t cope with not having her way 100% of the time because the dil doesn’t want the same dynamic. You see this scenario play out in so many of the posts on mumsnet.

I imagine many of the wonderful mils accept that their sons are independent adults and by extension have more of an equal relationship from a younger age.

My MIL was awful. Bossy, interfering alcoholic. She even told DH that I’d taken him away from her despite him living in a different county for 8 years before he met me and he rarely went home!

She died when my children were small (they’re adults now). I felt sorry for DH but I know if she’d been around when DC were growing up she’d have been a nightmare. Also with her gone and not constantly shoving booze in his face, DH got help for his alcohol problem.

After she died I found out she’d been mean to loads of her friends when she was drunk.

Love mine. Both my ils are fantastic. They would help in a flash with no matter what , whether a job needing help with or childcare. They've never ever interfered. Always offer Sunday dinner especially in school holidays as they know kids been off and by the weekend I'm frazzled.

Men have always hated their mothers-in-law even more than women do. Mother-in-law jokes used to be a staple for male comedians - they've only been phased out because of political correctness. My kids and I watched an episode of the 90s sitcom Dinosaurs the other day - it was about a ritual where men hurled their mothers-in-law off a cliff when they turned 72. Society in general despises older women.

My mil was lovely and listened to me and my worries far more than my mum does, I miss her.
I adore my son's girlfriend she's amazing, I hope she likes me too, she's makes my son happy, that's all that matters to me.

i can honestly say that my mum in law is one of the kindest, loveliest people I have ever met. In 25 years since I’ve been with DH not once has she made me well unwelcome or unloved.

if I am ever lucky enough to be a mum in law I will always think about her (and my mum actually) about how to be. I guess I was very lucky!

They're the same people. The DiLs who are possessive over their husbands, seeing other women in his life as rivals, and engage in power play in their families are 25 years away from being the MiLs who do the exact same.

My MIL was upset too when ExH left.

It was lovely to see her at a recent family event. I really miss her.

My first MIL was the bitch from hell. She made it clear from the moment we met that she wasn't going to like me and was a significant factor in our marriage breakdown.
Her useless shit of a son (my ex) disappeared out of his children's lives when they were 3 & has never paid a penny of maintenance so the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

My current MIL is wonderful.
DHs dad died before we met & he is an only child so she could have been overpowering but she's so far from it.
She stays in contact
She sends thoughtful presents
She mucks in when she visits & organises things to do for herself & with the kids

I think I am a good mil get on good with dil we have a relationship outside my son .I am always on hand for grandaughters
I never tell her how to parent no matter what I think .I am always aware the relationship could turn so always try my upmost to be there but never pushy .I adore my son and grandaughters but are aware dil is key to me being in there .

My husband and I are interracial couple and I don't speak English fluently. But my MIL is always nice to me. She gives me a birthday present every year and I'm so grateful to have her as my MIL.

I didn't really like my first but that was mainly my fault. Second MIL I tried a lot harder and I miss her very much.

Me and my mother in law do not and will not ever get on. Me and my dh have been no contact for little under a year now and will never speak to her again. She is absolutely awful. However, she is a horrible person. My ex mil is lovely, I still see her for a coffee and catch up and talk often. I wish she was still my mil (not the son though lol I’m happy with my dh)

I had a lovely MiL who I miss terribly. I try my best to be a good MiL to my children's spouses.

My mil is absolutely lovely — fun, interesting, interested. My mum otoh is vile. So my brother’s wife, my poor SIL, has the nasty mil here…

I love my MIL! She is absolutely lovely.

I love my MIL. She's a lovely, kind and caring woman. Neither of us are perfect, but I do feel very lucky to have married into such a great family.

I will say, we're child free. Maybe our relationship would be different if hubs and I had kids. She definitely wasn't as nice to SILs (now) ex. But he was a moron, so 💁😂

Mine is lovely! Sils on the other hand are not. Can't win 'em all I suppose!

My MIL was fab.I am now close to my DIL,I love her to bits,she has no contact with her own Mother.

I'm divorced but still love my ex-mil. She has been a wonderful mil and a fabulous grandma to my son. I get on well with my sister in laws too.

Mine was a dream. Kind, pleasant, never ever meddled.

I got lucky, I know many aren't great.

I don’t particularly like mine as she tends to massively overstep, is vocally jealous if we spend time with my family (who I see less than her) and is mildly judgmental about parenting.

However, it’s lack if happiness in her own life and relationship that seems to drive these behaviours. This is the same with most people that exhibit them, not just MIL relationships.

Thank you @Janey638 for starting this thread. As a mother of boys, it’s so lovely to see all these “my MIL is fantastic” posts,something I thought I’d never see on MN.