To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

Sadly, nobody on this thread who is being, frankly, an arse about this term, has responded at all to anybody who has made this very valid point.

What people aren't getting is that this isn't about them or their children or children in general.

I love children. I work with them. I am genuinely hurt by the idea that I can't even choose how I refer to my own lack of children, because I am not of enough value in society to even make that decision for myself.

I am sorry I haven't managed to reproduce. I am sorry that for this crime I am to be judged and belittled, told what I think, told what I mean, by people who are smug about their reproductive function and think my lack of it is their business.

So many people have explained on this thread why, 'I don't have children' doesn't stop the painful conversation I just don't want to have.
If people weren't such nosey parkers, there would never have been this problem. If those who have chosen not to have kids hadn't constantly had their choices questioned, analysed and been treated like some child-hating, selfish prick who will never know love, maybe nobody would have become militant about it.

Thank you. That's really kind of you.

I'm going to leave this thread now, as frankly it's made me feel sick to my stomach that there are people in the world who have thoughts like this in their head and yet still consider themselves morally superior to people whose cardinal sin is using a fucking word.

I’m really sorry you were a victim of child abuse. I know it won’t make anything better for you but it makes me feel sick that any child can be treated badly and I honestly do feel for you having gone through that 💐

I admit I may be biased, I see a lot of child abuse in my line of work. While those parents undoubtedly should not have had children, or not gotten together with partners other than their kids dad (perps are often step parents or boyfriends), by and large the idea of children as a nuisance and a burden just hits different when you see some of the results of attitudes like that. Including torture, non-accidental deaths and homicides of children.

Yeah, I was abused as a child by my parents, and now I'm childfree. Oddly, that experience has given me a strong sense of perspective. It is absolutely bananas offensive to suggest that using the word "childfree" in any way results in, or contributes to, people committing child abuse. I find it astonishing that you work in this field and yet genuinely believe that people expressing happiness in a life without their hypothetical children is an attitude which leads to parents abusing real, existing children.

Shame on you. Seriously. From a victim of child abuse - shame on you.

'Come on Clover, everyone knows you can't get pregnant the first time...'

Or if you do it standing up.**

'Come on Clover, everyone knows you can't get pregnant the first time...'

Everyone has been a child and this language doesn't affect or discriminate against children so I don't believe the offence is to do with children being a vulnerable group.

The ridiculous attempt at drawing an equivalence with Jamaicans and disabled people is simply fatuous.

What's this really about? Why are some parents feeling offended by there being a neutral to positive phrase for those who don't have children?

Remember it's not always a binary of simple free choice or a sad loss. It can be making the best of a hand you hadn't foreseen but don't want to get into it with everyone.

If it is to do with feeling judged for choosing to do the hard work of raising the next generation with the personal sacrifices that may come with that (career, pay, health) then this isn't really the battle to fight.

Your logic is completely flawed. People who you decided are “selfish” probably shouldn’t be responsible for raising human beings who form part of society. That’s the last thing we need - emotionally neglected, emotionally incontinent selfish arseholes who won’t “pull their weight” and will not contribute to society. 🤣🤣

I always use the term childfree because I feel like it's offensive to say childless.

How I view it is childfree is a positive happy choice and childless is when something unfortunate has happened to someone who wanted children.

I didn’t put this on my earlier post about a friend who is childless but says she’s childfree to avoid ‘advice’ because I don’t want to upset anyone who is childless or adopted (or anyone) but as some people seem to not be understanding what some childless women are trying to avoid by saying they’re childfree I will put it here. Please don’t read on if you don’t want to read something horribly offensive.

My childless friend always said she was childless/didn’t have children because of infertility until she was asked by someone ‘why don’t you try getting a government baby?’. After crying her heart out in the middle of the main road and never wanting to repeat that experience she started saying she’s childfree. So judging women who use the language they feel comfortable with around, having, not having, struggling to have or losing a baby is just awful to me.

Should we round them up? Send them to a penal colony to think about their selfishness until they're ready to rejoin society and fulfill their innate and fundamental use, by reproducing?

At least there'd be no kids there.😀

How is it offensive though?
Someone childfree is choosing to live a life “free” from having their own children.
That makes absolutely no statement on you and your kids or your view of your children and how much of an obligation they are or aren’t.
It’s completely insane to say it’s offensive imo and I say that as someone who has chosen to have children.

I am saying the opposite. People who call themselves “child free”, if they don’t have children, are making themselves sound flawed, selfish and like they are not pulling their weight. If they called themselves something else, it wouldn’t have those connotations.

Why, does this poke a sore spot in you? Other people exposing their own flawed selfish intent? Do you truly believe that people that do not choose to have children and excercise their free will and access to modern wonder of contraception are "not pulling their weight"? What should we do with these selfish women eh?

Should we round them up? Send them to a penal colony to think about their selfishness until they're ready to rejoin society and fulfill their innate and fundamental use, by reproducing?

This is BONKERS.

Have we always fussed and nitpicked over language to the degree we do today?

It's so bloody tedious – and seems to go hand in hand with people with being completely insecure and neurotic over the very thing they claim to be so confident about.

I am childfree/childless/sprog-nonencumbered/a person living with lie-ins and I am absolutely fine about it. I don't mind how you identify and am not really interested in the ins and outs of your navel-gazing.

I didn’t say any of those were offensive because I’m not nuts. Someone else’s terminology for themselves doesn’t offend me and my life choices.

I hope you never have someone in real life who is suffering the pain of infertility and chooses to say child free simply to protect their own mental health and stop random strangers asking questions.

For most animals/birds/fish/plants - that is, any living non - human, there is a biological imperative to reproduce, I agree.

To behave in a way which results in offspring, I.e. have sex. Whether they consciously experience a desire to have offspring - I think that is purely human. As is the conscious desire not to have offspring.

I used to be surprised how many times I read about childfree or childless adults being disinherited or disowned by their parents but then sometimes you read something and you realise, oh, sadly, it’s not an unheard mindset for parents to have. Reading this thread makes me grateful for my friends and family.

Seriously. Give up.

You will go blue in the face, because there will just be this continual "confusion" whereby someone can't possibly understand the concept that you don't give a monkeys about what they do, just certain terminology is offensive to some people. It's not a tricky concept. But this "confusion" will be all you hear.

You will just get told repeatedly how you're clearly obsessed with their choices. Which anyone with the IQ of a trifle can see is not the case.

I'm off to Marks for an iced bun. Enjoy your day x

I'm 60, human, not penguin.

Never once, not even for a second, have I had the instinct to reproduce.
I had the equipment.....just never wanted to put it into practice and have a child I didn't want or need.

Also - some animals choose not to reproduce for many and varied reasons...www.americanscientist.org/article/why-some-animals-forgo-reproduction-in-complex-societies

Who on earth came up with that description. It’s very odd and I can’t see why anyone would want to use it.

Or perhaps I am just trying to dodge immeasurable emotional distress pain when I say “no I don’t have children”. Many people who lack self awareness and empathy will say “oh have you tried adoption or fostering or getting a cat or another dog?”.

If I say child free, why don’t you respect my pain? My disability and infertility are not up for discussion. When people stop asking, I won’t say child free. HTH.

The instinct is to have sex (which child-free/childless people also do, possibly more frequently in fact!).

And as I said upthread it’s too much like non person.

For most animals/birds/fish/plants - that is, any living non - human, there is a biological imperative to reproduce, I agree.
But we are human and can make rational decisions as to whether we want to reproduce or not. We have the brains (altho' not all use them) to make decisions about when, where, and if we want to reproduce. That is the joy of being human.
And stop the press, not all women/men want to reproduce. A myriad of reasons may lead them to this decision, and thank god they can do something about it. My poor cow trying to put a condom on a bull may well not want another calf, but she can do fuck-alll about it.
Fortunately, humans can.
You are being very arrogant in your assertion that it is a human default to reproduce, just because we have the physical bits to do so.