To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

It feels slightly passive aggressive I guess. Most people without children have probably felt hurt/shamed at the some point by the weight of societal expectations (I know I have, by deciding to have only one child) and may feel defensive about it - lots of posts on this thread suggest that.
So to me the term ‘childfree’ sounds like it’s been invented as a bit of a general two fingers up from them to all parents, including those of us who really don’t give a shit how many children other people have.

It’s a bit like me referring to myself as multiple-child free, or second-child free. I love my life with one child and wouldn’t have it any other way, personally I think my quality of life would be severely diminished by having more kids. But to use those terms would be totally ridiculous and would sound like I’m being patronising to my friends and family who have multiples, especially at times when they’re finding it tough.

I think childless and childfree are unusual words to use among my acquaintance, in that I’ve never heard anyone use them. I wouldn’t “get the message” that people assume they are sending, but having said that I wouldn’t feel offended (or progress to be offensive myself) whichever word was used.

Agree. If you ( general you) draw any negative connotations from the word childfree, that’s on you and not the person using it.

Having children for no reason other than grimly ‘pitching in’ - what a great idea.

Since it very clearly isn’t, what’s the harm in people acknowledging that they are content in not having kids?

I’m failing to see what the harm is in this word other than hurt feelings on the part of some parents who would like the notion that you can be happy lifestyle without raising children to be taboo.

Lets also add in the...'you never know a love (or happiness) like this until you have had a child'

Have a look back through the thread - this has all been discussed in some detail.

Can we add the patronising 'there's still time to/ I bet you change your mind', please. I got that too much in my 20s and 30s, sometimes accompanied by 'but you'd be a great mum'. What about me just saying, 'no I won't change my mind, it's really not something I want' made you think that I would make a great mum!

I don’t think it’s a question of being offended more of understanding what baggage you are attaching to the word. I would not assume someone using childfree was “happy with the situation and didn’t want to talk about it”, my instant reaction would be, what an odd word to choose are they American or from somewhere outside the uk. It’s particularly interesting that it, according to pp, shapes response and how the conversation develops.

Agree with this. I'm happily childfree.

Honestly reading posts like yours and the other nutter on here makes me want to use childfree even more just to infuriate you because your reasoning is so ridiculous it’s funny. I might graduate to “anti-child” if I ever meet anyone like you in real life.

Fascinating how provoked some (not most) parents seem to be by people who are happy not to have children.

As used by the average childfree person, this is not a slight on children or parents. It’s about that person being happy about their choices. If you don’t want to be a parent, then being ‘free’ of everything that entails is good. Why should anyone lie about or hide it? Yes, there are unpleasant online enclaves where maladjusted individuals post hateful things about parents and kids - as far as I can see, they have no influence over anything or anyone. So who cares what they think?

How thin-skinned do you have to be to be offended by this word?

People often make comments or ask questions assuming you have children. If you reply that you don't have them, you see their faces drop as if they've made an enormous gaffe, and it's awkward. If you say you are 'childfree' you don't get that awkwardness because the implication is you are happy with the situation.

Honestly I don’t really care so no, not objectionable or even particularly interesting. I’m intrigued by the change in perception and follow on questions that are the result of these vocab tweaks. It’s not my experience but I’m interested in others experience and how they feel.

Yes. As lots of us have mentioned.

If I say I’m childfree then childless women can decide weather to share with me or not. Also people won’t give me ‘advice’ I don’t need.

Some childless women say they’re childfree so they don’t get the ‘advice’ which can be very upsetting.

Do you find it objectionable if people say they didn’t want children, as opposed to saying they don’t have them?

And that changes because you use childless/childfree?

As per the twenty bajillion previous answers - because when women without kids say we don't have kids, the follow up is almost always along the lines of have you thought about adoption, IVF, fostering, relaxing and seeing if it happens for you - highly intrusive questioning.

Lots of people have answered this throughout the thread.

Why can’t you just say “doesn’t have children”? I can’t imagine what situation you are using childless/childfree in.

I have lots of children but it’s hardly something that I need a word to describe.

Other things not to say

• My friend was like you, they just gave up and accepted it and now she’s expecting her second

• oh I wish I had that problem, I only have to look at my Nigel and I’m pregnant.

• don’t give up, my auntie Mary had a baby at 49!

Also, I've noticed something crazy: People don't care. I'm not saying it in a bad way at all. People just don't care. No one has even been awake in the middle of the night, staring at the ceiling, thinking "I can't believe Bridget from Marketing doesn't want / have kids"

And yet some REALLY do. I had a friend who was absolutely obsessed with me settling down and having children, it was all she would ever ask me about. She would even try to get her kids to behave “Stop that otherwise Granny will never changer her mind about having children!”

I can’t fathom why she was so upset by my opting not to have kids, but she’s far from the only one who behaves like that. IME is usually because they take it as a judgment on their life choices, feel that you’re not pulling your weight or genuinely feel that you’re missing out on something they found wonderful.

The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs.

Well, some of us do feel like that. So it’s an accurate implication.

If people weren't such nosey parkers, there would never have been this problem. If those who have chosen not to have kids hadn't constantly had their choices questioned, analysed and been treated like some child-hating, selfish prick who will never know love, maybe nobody would have become militant about it.

@ObelixtheGaul has absolutely nailed it. No one is asked “So, you’ve got two kids. Why is that?” and yet saying you don’t have children is so often the cue for all manner of prying, intrusive and extremely personal questions or “helpful” comments.

If someone says they don’t want children, do NOT, for the love of all things sacred:

• ask why;
• suggest IVF or adoption;
• tell them about your friend who tried acupuncture/relaxing/hugging crystals and now has nine kids;
• ask them who will look after them when they’re old;
• extol the joys of kids they either don’t want or can’t have;
• tell them they don’t know true love or the real meaning of life.

Just keep it fucking zipped.

I don't have kids, I never wanted to have some. Yet, I also never had to say "I'm childfree" or "I'm childless" or "I'm a non-parent".
Some people have asked me whether I had kids, and I think my face spoke for itself (maybe it's also the fact that I replied "gosh no!!!") so my intentions regarding having children have always been quite clear.

Also, I've noticed something crazy: People don't care. I'm not saying it in a bad way at all. People just don't care. No one has even been awake in the middle of the night, staring at the ceiling, thinking "I can't believe Bridget from Marketing doesn't want / have kids"

@ObelixtheGaul

Who gives a fuck if a cat has no choice but to get pregnant?

Those of us who see the results. Like kittens trying to suckle from their dead mother, or a cat & newborn abandoned in a locked carrier & found covered in their own piss & shit. That’s who gives a fuck. And I’ll quite happily go on pouring whatever maternal instincts I might or might not have into cats.