To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

Well, some of the shit being spouted led me to post it. That's generally how these things work. People put stuff and it is read by others who form opinions on the meaning of what is being said.

Did you think your response was clever? Kind of like the pathetic "did you mean to be so rude" often suggested?

That's embarrassing for you.

Those types of people need to keep up the illusion that having a child is the most important purpose they have, that they never knew a love like this and those who don't can't nor can those who don't be happy. They need it to help them get through the relentlessness they sometimes go through in bringing up a child. By making themselves feel more superior

People who call themselves “child free”, if they don’t have children, are making themselves sound flawed, selfish and like they are not pulling their weight. If they called themselves something else, it wouldn’t have those connotations.

Are non-parents acceptable if they hide their status out of shame or adopt a sackcloth and ashes demeanour? Is it ok to choose not to have a child if you make a show of being miserable and regretful? I mean, those childfree wretches aren’t ‘pulling their weight’ or ‘pitching in’ either way, but you seem to be mostly bothered about how they portray themselves.

What word would you prefer we use then, rather than the one that we all feel sums up our situation quite efficiently? Because I'm not a huge fan of sounding selfish and flawed, even to strangely judgemental bitches. What word sums up a happy 'not for me thanks' attitude to having kids better than childfree?

Off to pop out a child that I don't want so I can say I'm Pulling My Weight. What could possibly go wrong.

Ok so you dont like the norm but no alternative very snowflakey mn post lol

I am saying the opposite. People who call themselves “child free”, if they don’t have children, are making themselves sound flawed, selfish and like they are not pulling their weight. If they called themselves something else, it wouldn’t have those connotations.

In your opinion. However, most people - including childfree people, don't really give a shiny shit what you think and we will continue to describe ourselves how we choose.

HTH

I am saying the opposite. People who call themselves “child free”, if they don’t have children, are making themselves sound flawed, selfish and like they are not pulling their weight.

This is such a wild interpretation to me. I'm human and, therefore, flawed. But it isn't because I haven't grown another human being. Margaret Atwood was so on the money. It's a bit scary.

How about “happy”. Choice made and understood, either personally or with a partner. Never once when I think of myself as child free do I feel flawed, selfish or not pulling my weight (whatever crazy interpretation of this you might have.)

I wanted a career, to progress through a job that I loved, plenty of money and time to enjoy my chosen hobbies, lots of holidays. But in the meantime, at work my task was to give lifesaving skills, fun, enjoyment, help children who were very good at sport, ensure those with any special needs could access sports, support underprivileged communities, and give a helping hand to youngsters just starting out in their careers. I was surrounded by children most of my working life. So hoping this meets your “weight pulling” criteria as much as changing a bloody nappy does.

I am child free and I will happily shout it from the roof tops, I can choose how to describe myself thank you very much.

"Your willingness to pitch in and raise the next generation of human beings."

God, some people live in a little bubble of their own ignorance. Going about their days quoting by rote the nonsense they've been fed since birth without ever troubling themselves with a bit of critical thinking.

My loving, wonderful aunt wanted children but didn't have them because she was too busy devoting her life to caring for her elderly, unwell parents to meet a man during her childbearing years.

She did her bit by "pitching in" with the previous generation of human beings.

After finding out I don’t have children someone once said to me ‘that’s the problem with women these days, all they care about is having a career’ I said ‘I wouldn't know anything about having a career, I retired at 25, but good for women who have a career they love’ and he was NOT happy.

I just came on to say i just say i don't have kids. I don't need a word to describe it.
I don't owe anyone an explanation
The people who matter know why
The people who don't know.... they don't know because they don't know me well enough to share that info so i don't really care what they think.

Other things people say when you tell them you don't have children: -
"Oh your poor parents. Aren't they upset they'll never be grandparents?"
"Perhaps you're just not with the right man. If you met the one you'd want children"
"I see, you're one of those career women are you?"

Same. I've also had female friends offer to be my surrogate. My fertility is just fine thanks, we just need sperm.

We did get a couple of his friends offer to provide sperm for a turkey baster 😂 but we couldn't get to grips with the legal issues that brings so it went by the wayside. One did offer to wine and dine me before taking to another room to provide his sample 😂

Meanwhile I’ve literally been asked why I bother to keep living and told my husband will leave me when he meets a real woman.

I've had similar in the past. "I don't understand why he bothers with you, a real woman would give him children."

GTFO with the Handmaiden shit.

My husband has only ever received positive, congratulatory and nice comments about us not having children from both men and women. Meanwhile I’ve literally been asked why I bother to keep living and told my husband will leave me when he meets a real woman.

I think childless connotes someone who wanted children and hasn't been able to, or has lost a child.

Child free connotes a choice not to have children or your kids going away for the weekend. So a single parent who has their kids EOW I'd consider to be child free EOW.

Yes, mumsnet hasn’t attracted a substantial and diverse user base because it’s one of the largest English language forums centered on women, it’s because we at the NWO headquarters decided to make it the focal point of the great anti-child conspiracy.

Can’t believe you rumbled us. Will have to bring up the need for greater subtlety at the next team meeting.

@LePetitMaman obviously you do care, or you wouldn't give two hoots about what term somebody else chooses to use.

And saying that people don't care in general completely ignores the lived experience of those of us without children. Upthread people have listed the type of comments we have had. Do you think we are making it up?

Now, not only do we have to listen to other people's opinions on why we haven't got children, we also have to defend what sodding word we use to describe it.

Men don't get any of this. My husband never even gets asked if he has children, nevermind the inevitable 'why not?'. I couldn't even tell you the amount of times I get asked about it.

So, since I am the one without children and I am the one being asked about it, how about letting me answer it using a term I am.happy with. It makes eff all difference to you, does it? If you are offended, that's your choice.

I don’t know that I’ve ever heard people without children crowing about it. I have heard parents crowing about how they are selflessly forcing themselves to have children to keep society going. They didn’t want to do it but they put their shoulders to the wheel and took one for the team.

Ha! A nice neutral expression if ever there was one!

@SoNiceToComeHomeTo I wish there were a better word for it too! I just had a Google and went down a bit of a rabbit hole. I found out that the Russian word for childless means “without incumbrance” 😀

Ermm children are a huge obligation and tbh quite a burden - even if planned and you enjoy parenting !
It's not like you can always enjoy a nice lie in and bugger off on holiday whenever you fancy.

To safely avoid any implications of it being normal/abnormal/sad/tragic/fortunate/superior to be an adult without children, we'd need a different word altogether, just as 'Lesbian' doesn't mean not-straight and 'child' doesn't mean 'not-adult'; they are things in themselves.
The fact is that we humans, in common with other mammals, often reproduce as a natural part of our life cycle, has meant that we refer to adults who haven't produced children as being without something.
I don't know what the new word could be, but until it appears I prefer 'adults who haven't had children' to either -free or -less.

Yes, I do.

That’s fine, I don’t require you to. What you personally think of it isn’t my problem.