To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

"The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden"

But that's exactly how i feel....

I just say ‘I don’t have children’. I hate child-free as well. It feels very cringe. I feel like I should be spinning around a field in the alps ala The Sound of Music trilling ‘Child-freeeeeee!’

I don’t really get the need for either words when you think about it…

In every day life surely you just say “I don’t have kids” the same way you would if you said “I don’t have any dogs” or “I don’t have a garden”.
People don’t describe themselves as “dogless” or “gardenfree”.

On a side note isn’t it interesting how it’s always women who are described as childfree or childless not men - Which does suggest it’s another way for women take a snipe at and put down women who don’t have children.

Oh yes I am with you 100% on this one!! I think it’s nauseatingly smug and entirely intentional, to give the impression of them skipping lightly through life unencumbered, while we poor parents lumber on behind, burdened and weighed down by the millstone of our spawn.

It’s a funny one. I don’t ask if people have kids.
I had my child at 44, so I’ve been called “childless” “childfree” & “mother” none of which I’d use to describe myself, really…

I think you make a reasonable point but it’s never really bothered me.

For the love of… what is it with today’s society being so bloody stuck on definitions, being offended and the right words? It’s so monotonous now.

I often get jealous of people who have time to think of these things as they must have a very relaxed life with little to worry about.

Why does someone who doesn't have children describing their position as child free grate on you OP? It doesn't sound smug to me, it sounds accurate and if some people that aren't parents see having children as a burden and an obligation they'd be quite correct.

Non parent makes parent the default so isn't helpful.

I would choose to stop thinking about it and let the people that aren't parents make the decision and try not to let it grate too hard.

Yes, this me, too, and I think a lot of us in similar situations. Everyone I know who couldn’t have children is happily adjusted to it, even if it took time.

People need to stop obsessing about what other people think of them and their life decisions. Mostly, nobody cares what you have done with your life. It's not a smug value judgement. People without kids simply don't care what you are doing. Unless your child is kicking the back of their seat.

I don’t mind either one. I couldn’t have children, but my mindset is more childfree than childless these days.

I think either are fine if a person wants to use them to describe themselves.

Both are problematic as group descriptions or when applied to someone whose view you don't know. It's not for me to say whether a person without children regards this as a loss, a freedom or neither.

I used to generally just say 'I don't have kids' if asked but have recently switched to 'childfree' - as I got to my late 30s and now at 40 I was starting to notice people giving me sympathetic looks, presumably because they assumed I desperately wanted kids, and now time was running out?! When I was about 38 one woman I had only just met actually sighed sadly, squeezed my arm and said 'oh, you still have time you know'. Wtf!

I've never remotely wanted kids and find that 'childfree' conveys that. It's not at all a judgement on anyone with kids - I like kids and love my siblings' and friends' children, I just don't want them myself!

In an ideal world, we should just be able to say "I don't have kids" and any further judgement or justification or explanation would not be required.....

That’s very true! I think childfree pretty much sums it up very well. Plus, the term childless is significantly worse than saying childfree.

Exactly

Well of course children are something of an obligation and a burden. They hardly make life easier do they! Especially for women!

That doesn't mean they aren't worthwhile for those who want them. Sometimes things worth having aren't easy to maintain.

But childfree makes sense imo. You don't have the ties that having children bring. It's not smug, it's just fact.

It also implies freedom from the idea that kids are 'meant to' be part of your life. It's not only freedom from the actual obligations that come with child rearing, its freedom from the ideology around kids being some sort of necessary end goal for happiness.

"But something about 'childfree' really grates with me. The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs."

That's why many people are childfree though, children ARE an obligation and a burden.

The childfree people I know do think of children as a burden and obligation. So what? I hate gardening and think of having a garden as a burden. Other people can do as they please and I am sure they enjoy their gardens.

OP, if you’re not either childless or childfree, you don’t need to worry about this. It’s for those of us in the situation to choose how we describe ourselves. What you think doesn’t actually matter, thank goodness. One more thing you can tick off your to-do list!

"Don't have children" is neutral and covers all bases

I have children so obviously don’t use either term for myself, but if I’m talking about someone else I would say ‘they don’t have children’ because I don’t usually know whether someone has chosen not to have children, or wanted to but couldn’t. I can see how describing someone who is childfree by choice as ‘childless’ could be offensive to them, and equally describing someone who desperately wanted children as ‘child free’ could be very hurtful so I avoid both terms. Obviously the words people choose for their own situation is completely their choice.

It’s no different to being pet-free, mortgage-free or having a car-free pedestrian area in the city centre: the whole point is that it’s meant to imply an active and positive benefit, rather than something “missing.”

The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs.

Honestly, this is how I feel about having children. It’s not a value judgement about anyone else’s choice, I just can’t imagine personally wanting to take on such an obligation for life. I am quite literally free of having that obligation.

The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs.

Well, this is how plenty of us feel. Why should my status depend on your feeling toward it?

And absolutely not to nonparent for the same reason I reject the term ciswoman.

You're saying parent is the norm, and the term nonparent is an othering term.