To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

I agree OP. It's a horrible and very telling term.

I genuinely couldn't care less whether any given individual has children or not, but the phrase 'child-free' is inherently derogatory towards children. Can anyone think of any other category of human being it would be acceptable to speak of in this way? OAP-free, woman-free, Asian-free? Nope. So TBH I would tend to assume that anyone who uses that term probably has a few issues to work through or some unresolved anger over the whole thing or is just a not-very-pleasant person who has subconsciously grasped that children are the only vulnerable group its currently socially acceptable to look down on. Or they're just a bit "Look at me" about their life choices. Who knows??? But yes its weird.

I agree. I think "child free" is actually a really hateful term - it immediately posits children as something negative. I would just say "doesn't have children".

If someone wishes to be referred to that way it's their choice. I have a SIL who has been married to DB for almost 30 years. We get on well. She doesn't have DC. I have no idea why and would never ask. In all that time she's simply been Jill (not her real name). I've never had reason to hang a label on her concerning how many DC she's given birth to, nor any other woman.

Quite simply, it isn't the right of parents to dictate how people who aren't parents describe themselves.

It’s simply a lifestyle choice not to have children. There are umpteen different reasons why it can suit some folks, whilst others are happy to commit to being good parents, devoting time, money and love into doing it. Not being able to have children is totally different, life changing in a different way. Having children and it upsetting the domestic partnership is another factor that needs to be borne in mind. We both discussed it before getting married, and were on the same life path, so it’s been a good shared lifestyle choice for us. We both like children, just not any of our own.

"Non parent makes" as much sense as calling all women "cis" in order to pander to a small section of society.

I am childless because it's not my choice but life is a prick. Plenty of other people are childfree and that's brilliant for them that they haven't been trapped into having children they don't want.

Childfree IS a liberation. It's the many women who do not want children for whatever reason and liberate themselves from the ingrade path women have which ultimately as a woman should lead to child bearing. Obvious ww still didn't liberate ourselves from judgment. It means you are not missing what you need or want.

Childless are people who miss the children they did not have but wanted. It comes with lots of sorrow. Some arrive to childfree by circumstance. They made their peace and are happy now. Hard road.

There are fundamental differ in how each group views things and things about things. Therefore, it makes sense to distinguish between them

• childfree:not missing anything, happy with the choice they made

It is not that hard to comprehend.

K would also like to oint out that in my nearly 40 years of life 90+% judgment about not wanting and having kids was from women. Stop jusging9 other women who made doff choices. Makes one look bitter🤷

I describe myself as child free because, on occasion I've answered the 'Do you have children?' question with a straight no and can tell that the questioner now feels embarrassed and like they've put their foot in something that is a sadness for me. Then I have to go into overdrive to tell them NO, it's fine, it's ok to put things right. A bit tiresome.

I never wanted kids, they didn't interest me and I've been busy doing other stuff.

60 now and am seeing the burden endless caring for grandchildren is having on my friends (at a time when they should be just becoming more free of responsibility for children) and I'm even more whoop whoopingly happy to be childfree.

I think it sounds fine.

It's not an insult to parents if someone describes themselves as child free.

I think we should move away from the default being to be a parent and this attitude there's something wrong or weird or selfish if you don't want to be and you should use terminology that doesn't offend parents.

I've got two children and couldn't give a shit how someone who doesn't want kids describes themselves but I'm sure as shit not going to try to dictate to them that they use terminology that centres my life in theirs and prioritises my feelings.

The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs

I am child-free and that totally sums up how I feel. I understand that others do not feel that way and cherish their kids. That's fine with me too.

Everyone is different and that's OK.

No, I like it. I think it sounds like the person has made a lifestyle choice they're happy with. If I hear child free I tend to think that unlike childless, which may not be a choice, then the person has decided to remain free from the burden that parenting would have been to them. I have children but have no desire for other people to want them, each to their own. The most important thing is that people have the parenting status they choose, and the only sad thing as far as I can see is when some don't.

Do you think gluten-free denotes smugness against those with celiac disease? Dairy-free and the lactose intolerant? Far-free and those who aren’t watching their weight?

I don’t use “non-parent” because it feels lesser, to me. Childfree is a reframing of the narrative. (Though as it happens I’m both childless and childfree).

I say we let those who are in the situation choose how they like to be defined, not parents who are projecting their own feelings being hurt.

The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs

but for some maybe it is liberating not having children and having them would be a burden.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with child free…. What would you suggest?

I always thank that when people start quibbling over terminology it's the underlying concept that's the problem.

Some people are judgmental about others not having children. Some people without children feel they have somehow missed out on something. Others are insensitive to that. Those (and others) are the actual issues. Nitpicking over the words never solves the problem. Whichever improved word you agree to use, it will very shortly get tarnished with the same associations, just like the last one did.

At what point in a woman’s life, because it’s never used about men, would you refer to her as a non parent? 18? 16? 21?

Why do you ever need to use and phrase to describe people who don’t have children? If I’m describing a friend I might say ‘he’s married with two children’ or ‘she lives with her partner and their two cats’.

I think you’ve got too much time in your hands.

The whole reason the term childfree came about was to make it clear it was a choice and not a source of sorrow.

Whether someone described themselves as childfree or childless, I would understand that they meant they didn't have children and think no more about it.

Non parent still makes parent the default so not sure your logic makes any sense

This post vividly shows the difference between childless and childfree. They're very different states of being, so the words matter. No idea why you have a problem with it OP unless you're envious of childfree people?

I think the people without children should be the ones deciding what they're called.

Childfree offers a useful distinction for those who want to use it.

I'm pregnant now but it took a long time trying and IVF to make that happen, I definitely felt childless rather than childfree.

But why do you care? If you don't feel like that about having children, why is it 'smug' if somebody else uses a term which maybe accurately describes how they feel about not having children?

Other people are allowed to feel it is a freedom for them. It shouldn't remotely affect how you feel about parenthood.

In the 80s/90s there was this expression that was popular - DINKy Double income no kids.
I suppose it’s arguable that there is financial justification/judgement in this expression which maybe just proves how hard it is to find ways of saying things that suit everyone.

You could just go with person, human, woman, man. Why the need to label as anything else?
I don't have any children but I wouldn't call myself childless or childfree. Just as I wouldn't call myself catfree, hamsterless, husbandfree, sisterless.