Ex help so I can take kids to Disney?

If this is actually about the older kids going to Disney, then why not let him take them while you stay at home with the baby and toddler?

I don't think Disney is the real problem here, though. It is more about the new boyfriend. Why on earth have you introduced this man to your children after so little time, and why are you letting him spend so much time with your baby?

He’s nailed his colours to the mast.
The children are YOUR responsibility. He is too important to put them first. HE and only he comes first.
As the saying goes, get your ducks in a row, stop facilitating him. I predict he will soon shack up with another woman and the fortnightly visits will drop off……

Could you offer to reciprocate - put forward a definite time and plan - so you look after the little ones while he goes on holiday with the older ones? That might make it more palatable to him.

Why? Sort everything out properly first. Contact seems a shambles, has that been dealt with? Why is he coming to your house? Where are your boundaries? Your children need routine, consistency and support. Put them first and do what's best for them (it's not a trip to Disney with two arguing adults who should know better).

TBH I think he has a point really.You are no longer a couple ,yes you co parent but separately .I would be a little bit careful with new partners,9 months is a very short time for DC to adjust to the new situation.Frankly it sounds exhausting just reading about your life ATM! Maybe see BF at his house or out and about .Your DH should be taking them all sure ,sadly lifes not really like that, and many men "hit back" at their partners through the children .

Change the ticket to your mum’s name or a friend.

Being stuck at home with baby and toddler while you go on your jollies (because it is and you know it) with the older two is really the shitty end of the stick.

Imagine a mum being asked to do this whether she was married or co-parenting. MN would be up in arms at the sheer cheek of it.

That's why we only went to Disneyland this year. Mine are 17, 14, 9 and 7. All four went on most of the rides there, and most importantly....they're old enough to remember the experience due to the sheer cost of the trip which I am glad about!!

All of this!

Why do you have a new boyfriend (he isn't a partner!) staying overnight when you have 4 kids including a baby and a toddler?

Everyone involved here sounds frighteningly immature.

There is nothing wrong with your expectations in general it is your expectations of him that are the problem. His personality means he won’t do what a decent parent would do, just let him be who he is, he will be anyway and you won’t be so frustrated if you accept him as he is.

Agree!!!!!

So if you've only been split up since January, why have your kids even met the "new guy" let alone spent a considerable amount of time with him?

Neither of you are covering yourselves in glory here.

The pair of you are making a right mess of this aren't you?
Broke up in January and already have new partners that you've introduced to your children?
Poor kids must be all over the place.
You and your ex need to grow up, put your kids first and put some boundaries in place instead of worrying about bloody Disneyland.

Very soon for new partner to be introduced to DC. However, he too has a new partner, have DC met her?

It’s sad your aim to stay friendly hasn’t worked - but don’t give up just yet.

It’s worth persevering to keep the relationship harmonious.

As difficult as it is when someone lashes out, it sounds like you’ve criticised his choices too (going on holiday with his new gf).

Maybe try to step back and ‘start again’ to try and reset the friendship for the kids?

4 children with someone is a massive commitment so why you're both introducing new partners to such young children is baffling.

It sounds like you're both quite young wit having 4 children 8 and under but in new relationships quickly, going to Disney when you can't afford it etc

He’s a pathetic excuse for a father if he won’t take holiday to look after all his kids in the school holidays or take them away himself. You aren’t unreasonable to be annoyed at him or upset for your kids and it’s no wonder he’s an ex. But him not taking time off work to look after two pre-schoolers so you can take the older ones on a dream holiday is a bit lower down the scale and isn’t something most people would expect of their ex.

How recently did you break up, being that you had a holiday booked before the break up but you both already have new partners? Since you aren't really getting along together (and he's not being helpful at all!) it probably wouldn't be a great idea to travel together. Do you have another adult - your parent/sibling/friend who could help instead? Might be more enjoyable for you that way.

Honestly, I don't think either of you should be introducing your children to people you are in a relationship with until you fully know the person and are 100% sure it's a serious relationship. Having a new boyfriend be anywhere near a baby or toddler is very weird to me, other people might disagree but basic safeguarding would stop most people from letting a random man come anywhere near their very young children, regardless if they were in a relationship or not.

Don't ask any favours ever it never benefits you or kids with someone like that.

Either cancel/put Disney on hold , or take someone with you or ask ((if possible) grandparents to have younger two

Don't let him start messing you around he picks up all kids on agreed times or he doesn't bother.

Do maintenance through cms so he can't use it to threaten you.

Have you got any other adults you could invite, your mum / dad or a sibling?

Disneyland was always going to be a struggle with 4 though

You need some rock hard boundaries now. Stop the contact at your house, he picks them up and takes them out. He pays for everything whilst he has them - not raiding your fridge for food and buys the baby and toddler things he needs pushchair etc.

You need to disengage from him too, by all means rant and rave into a diary or to a friend about the cheapskate taking his gf and her child away but don't get involved with what he does. You have a set contact schedule, you pass on when the children grow so he can buy appropriate clothes and you let him know if they have eaten or had medication that day. Clear boundaries are essential at the beginning, you can become more flexible in a few years when everything settles.

I don't think you're beimg unreasonable, but it sounds like he won't budge on this. I'd cancel and see where things are in a years time.

It seems to me that now is the point you put in new boundaries , agree when he is having all the children and stick to it and that means him taking them elsewhere not sitting at yours . Cancel this holiday unless you can find another adult to step into his shoes and accompany you .

So you have four children and it's all down to you.
Unfortunately if you have expectations and ask for him to contribute to raising his own children and he refuses it's so maddening it can make you feel ill. I remember being overwhelmed with resentment and incredulity at the unfairness of it all.
Agree his contact is his problem. Don't go out of your way to accommodate him and make all arrangements as to what best suits you.