Birthday cake without parents?

How did you deal with it?

Its a week before her bday, you are over thinking it. She’s 1yrs old so of course she won’t think her mother doesn’t love her etc.

I think you are over thinking it. Your daughter spends one day a week in childcare with these people. They are celebrating her birthday like a childminder or school would, on the nearest day she is with them, with the people that she's with them with.

It does seem odd that they have arranged a party with all the relatives, but not the child’s actual parents! Were they planning to tell you at all?

Maybe preempt the day by telling your dc that as Granny isn’t coming n on holiday with us, so won’t be there in your proper birthday, then she’s going get you a special cake fir you on Wednesday (or wherever).

When DD was three, she had a birthday cake & candles and they sung to her at nursery, at the childminder's, at PIL's, at ours on her birthday and then at her party. It was similar for the next few years too. I was just pleased that people had gone to the effort of getting her a cake, candles etc and that she was surrounded by that much love & attention.

• typing without glasses on so ignore spelling mistakes.

What I'm trying to say is if you don't create an opportunity then others will.

I'd leave it and let DD enjoy the attention.

Am I misunderstanding. MIL has granddaughter weekly - so has a good relationship with her.

You have booked a holiday over her first birthday she will understand it is her birthday.

Have you arranged a time for grandparents to wish their granddaughter a happy birthday or sing to her?

If the answer is no, then I'm not surprised they have arranged something.

At that age we had a small family party/open house. Where family were welcome to drop in, I'd have a cake etc. if I wasn't doing this I'm fairly confident if they were being card for by grandparents they would have.

On another note my DC went to nursery. They definitely sang happy biithday and I provided a cake!

I’d be ok with it if it was just my MIL and nephew but the fact that other family have been invited changes it. It’s gone from a cake to what sounds like a party. I wouldn’t be happy with that.

Massive overreaction.

It's not her birthday, so they are good enough to look after her one day a week yet you think thry have the right to control them doing a celebration for her that is not on her birthday?

Sure there is other neurotic parents on here that would agree with you I just can't see the logic myself

Can you tell her beforehand?

I recall for one of my birthdays having my party and cake on a Saturday and my birthday on the Monday - but Mum had explained it all to me beforehand. (I was overjoyed when I got a second present on the Monday - Mum had told me I'd only get my present on the Saturday.)

So when it's her actual birthday you'll be away on holiday and will only celebrate among your nuclear family? Then it's very logical your MIL wants to do this separate thing.

Solutions: ask MIL what time she's planning the cake and say you'll pop in for a half an hour because you also want to join. That's not conflict, that's normal communication.

Or, just let it slide: all kids in daycare get a birthday celebration without their parents there. It's part socialisation (to teach cultural customs and good manners), part play and fun.

Your child has the privilege of having this much loving family around and can get two celebrations. It's not a problem but a blessing.

Just don't let yourself be sidelined if you truly want to be there. However your MIL can't know that it you don't say something. You got this.

The childminder my kids went to always did a little celebration with them in their birthdays. They and the other kids loved it. It's no big thing.

Have you invited your in laws over to celebrate her birthday before /after you go on holiday? If not, then I totally get why they are doing this. They also want to celebrate her birthday with her.
Next time, arrange the party and cake and invite them!

Because the first celebration excludes OP. It's obviously the first time OP's daughter is aware of her birthday and the lighting the candles, blowing them out and singing happy birthday is a big deal which OP will miss. It sounds as though she could attend, but hasn't been invited.

Granny and the rest of the family give free childcare every week, if they didn't DC would be at a childminders or nursery where guess what - they'd do cake without OP being there!

My youngest had 3 birthday cakes for one birthday, a long time ago - home, nursery, and party. He doesn't think he's three times older than expected. Moreover... he doesn't even remember.

I think you are being a bit ott. It's her day with them, and they want to celebrate with her. Next year she'll be a preschool where they might sing happy birthday to her, and obviously you won't be invited. I think its normal and healthy for her to have relationships with people that are separate to you, otherwise its a little controlling / helicopterish.

Plus I’m sure your cake will be better anyway.

I do think you’re overthinking it and DC won’t care at all! However were you planning on doing any family celebration at all or just a cake with you and DH on holiday? Could it be that MIL feels a bit put out by this?

Could you invite MIL and cousins etc round for a party tea before you go away?

I think you are a bit. I loved spending time with my grandparents at that age and would have been absolutely delighted to do something with extended family. And to the "I worry she will think it is her actual birthday" I can tell you that 3-year-olds have very little concept of what the birthday is. When my cousin was around that age he asked my aunt when his birthday was and she said "In winter" to which he relied "and if I eat well, will it be in summer?" So honestly, let her have a fun tea party with the grandparents. It can only be a good thing to have such a loving family.