Friend's daughters are so rude

So get with the trend and send a short text or video. My 8yo would do this so no excuse.

If the present is handed in person, a thank you upon receiving it would suffice for me. If it has been posted / birthday girl isn’t there when the actual gift arrives, then yes, it’s good manners to send a thank you text. However, in my culture a message from the parent would be more than enough, even if the “child” is a teen or young adult.

I don’t support additional thank you cards if the words have already been said in person, but if they’re just ignoring the gifts altogether, YANBU to consider stopping the presents.

Then I really do think its on the mum. Even if the kids don't want to do it, she should make them. She's seen its important to you, as your kids say thank you. She should mirror this. I wouldn't be impressed with her either really.

So helpful.

Also I sense all of those saying I don’t need a thank you are the same ones that never bother!

Then just stop buying them presents if it offends people so much.

I bought my teenage nice a necklace last year. I gave it to her mother.

My niece didn't thank me. I didn't care. I saw her wear it later so I know she liked it, and I'm glad that she did

It’s so rude. Honestly I would not be happy to carry on.
Just say to friend kids are too old for presents now, let’s them out and do something fun instead each year.

People shouldn’t accept gifts if they can’t manage basic manners!

@Spirallingdownwards Yes 100% this!

People forget though. And sometimes people are stressed too.

And sometimes people are just rude and entitled and cba.

My point is the same no matter who it is.

I don't think people should expect a thank you.

It's about the gift of giving.

That's slightly different to two teens with all the time in the world seemingly unable to spend 20 seconds sending a whatsapp saying "Thanks for the present"

I disagree really. If I send a present I don't need a thank you.

It was about the giving of the gift.

If I give a present and am thanked at the time I don’t expect a written thank you. If I send a present I think it’s only reasonable to expect a text of some description, partly to say thank you but also so I know it has arrived. My niece’s husband always texts me to say thanks for his. I never hear anything from my niece or kids (teens)!

People forget though. And sometimes people are stressed too.

My cousin had a new baby, and my aunty bought the baby a present.

All I heard for ages from this aunty was how rude the cousin was for not saying thanks.

However i had visited the cousin. She was suffering badly physcially from some post - birth issue. She was in severe pain. She had to go back into hospital to ger something fixed. I'm sure thank yous were low down on her list at the time.

But they haven’t even text. I give to my friends kids, one teen, one pre teen. Ever since they have had a phone they send me a text. It is polite to do so.

I would try and stop the gift exchange now. I wouldn't mention the lack of thanks. I would just say to your friend that as the girls are now all over 13 you want to stop the gift exchange with the kids, so please don't buy for your two this Christmas and you're not going to buy for hers now.

DS has a new GF (young adult) who has only said thank you once in the 10 weeks we've known her. No thank you for all the meals we've paid for (home cooked/out/takeaways) - no thank you for train tickets/event tickets or even lifts. The thanks was for when I picked up something she dropped. It really grates on us so the only solution was to stop, so we have. Not the only red flag but that's for DS to work out 😔

YANBU - it is rude! Doesn't matter how you say thanks - in person, text, note, phone but not doing so at all is rude.

I don't know.

Teenagers are not very developed mentally.

When I was a teen, if my aunty handed me a birthday present I would say thank you.

However I only saw her about once a month.

if she posted me a present, or handed it to my mum to give to me, the next time I saw her I would have forgotten about it altogether.

Actually it isn't. It's good manners and back on trend if you are worried that being polite will make you look old-fashioned.

Yeah that is so rude.

I would stop buying them presents entirely. Maybe use the excuse that the girls are all older now if you feel awkward about it, but personally I would be honest and tell her it’s because you never got a thank you if friend did question it.

Dsis kids are adults now but when they were younger.they were the same..never a thank you..not even when actually saw them f-2-f
So eventually I stopped bothering.

Awkward.

If it were me, I would knock all presents on the head to the kids. What's the point? At least that way you don't have to get annoyed about the lack of thanks. I remember doing this with friends of mine's DCs. To be able to cut down by Christmas list was wonderful!

Yes rude. We stopped giving as so many in the circle. Never got a thanks anyway over the years. She 27 now.

For the sake of your friendship with your friend, I would not stop giving gifts in that case. Personally, I would switch to vouchers or money instead so they can get what they want, minimal effort on your part.

Yes it's rude but I wouldn't overthink it, just stop sending presents if it bothers you. They will probably barely register it. My children receive gifts from people on their husband's side they never see any will never see; it's kind but absolutely not necessary and they wouldn't mind if it stopped.

My new username is apt! I bet some of my parents friends thought this about me and I feel bad but I just assumed my parents would have thanked them. I wasn’t in personal contact with them so no opportunity to say thanks. If you’re handing them a present and they just snatch it and open it than that’s definitely not the same thing though!