Friend's daughters are so rude

Jane Austen? No, however it's polite to find a way to say thank you. I wouldn't mock someone courteous enough to write a thank you card.

I'd cut down your effort with her daughters in that case. If you're not going to get any gratitude, don't waste any more time than necessary. Bung a tenner in a card and don't give it any more thought.

If your friend says anything I'd just say "difficult to know if they liked their previous presents (if you're feeling a bit PA) and at this age they probably would just prefer money anyway now"

This thread is really eye opening in regards to people's expectations around thank yous for gifts..!

I must admit in my family we don't make a big deal of thanking people for gifts so this has never really occurred to me. When I was a child at Christmas I wouldn't even have any idea who had given what tbh. And even now no one gives me a gift who I don't see regularly so I would just say thank you at the time or the next time I saw them.

Reading these responses is making me feel terrible so I'll make much more of an effort to send a thank you note in future!

YANBU I stopped buying for a friend’s daughter as I never got a verbal or written thank you.

So the reciprocality in the arrangement is your friends gifts to your DDs then, not the DDs thanks for your gifts to them. Yes it's rude that they don't thank you. But this arrangement is actually between you and your friend really, gifting each others DDs as part of your friendship, so I'd just carry on tbh.

My teenage niece never thanks me, first time I've actually thought about it when reading this post. It doesn't bother me, I don't give gifts for the thanks.

^ this

I would be questioning the poor parenting too.

A lack of manners is going to really hold the girls back, what a shame they have been let down like this, it’s hardly their fault. Lazy parenting.

If the girls say thank you to your face, at the time of giving, that would be polite enough for me.
If you post the gift, a thank you phone call, text, or a personal thanks when next you see them would suffice.

If the girls are not saying thank you at all, I would intervene (in an educational sense) every time by asking if they had received the gift and what they thought of it.
Remind them that you were worried it had not arrived.

A couple of those types of conversations should trigger them into being more well mannered.

If they never, ever instigate a thank you I would ask your friend whether your own girls have thanked her for their gifts from her and ask whether she realises that her kids never remember to send acknowledgement of any type.

There is only a short window left for your friend to have influence over her girls' manners.

Very rude!! I wouldn't give anymore.

I think it is very much on the parents. Your friend obviously hasn't instilled it in her children to say thank you for gifts. Teens are still children, they've still got so much to learn about life, they still need nudging and coaching - especially if they've never even been taught to say thank you for gifts in the first place, which it clearly sounds like they haven't.

So, yes, it is rude, but personally I would be raising my eyebrows at my friend's parenting, but I wouldn't necessarily hold it against the children personally.

I think my point is it can be an awkward thing for a teenager to do if they don't usually have contact with said adult. Odds are their parents need to take the lead, say this is their number, don't forget to send a thank you text. I wouldn't expect a teenager to just contact someone that they don't usually.

I don't know. My DD is married to an asian guy... their family thank like us.

Which is nice.

You say... why is a thank you so important? It's difficult to explain to you if it means nothing. I personally would hate to think someone went to a lot of trouble thinking and planning a special present for me, and I couldn't even acknowledge their effort by a quick heartfelt thank you.

Do you think its different in different cultures.

^

No. It's the same. Say thanks.

Stop sending stuff?

Not rocket science

No, I wouldn't be buying for teenagers who can't be arsed to thank the sender. No one is suggesting a formal letter, a quick text would do!

I think people aren't intentionally rude a lot of the time though.

Things probably pop up and they probably forget to do it.

Do you think its different in different cultures.

Why is a thank you so important?

It can be nice if you get one, but it's definitely not worth getting upset over if you don't get one

We're both entitled to our opinion.

I am specifically talking about presents posted to someone you don't see regularly (as I said in my first post)... never hearing if it even got there, let alone thanked for it is really rude
Just my opinion of course.

It's so easy nowadays to text, WA etc, I just don't know why people can't be bothered. Maybe I'm just an old trout who thinks... here we are, another thing to go in the don't care world we live in!

You can expect it. But you can only control your behaviour. Not anyone elses

Yeah you're entitled to your opinion

I don't know, I guess it's just something that wouldn't really bother me at all.

I got my brother a present last year at Christmas and he forgot to get me one. And I didn't give a shit.

As I always say to my mum, it's the spending time together that's more important than presents

Shocking, I always got a set of thank you cards in my stocking from Santa (my mum) to write out and post after Christmas to everyone who’d been kind enough to get me a gift. It was just part of the tradition of the season.

Have a think about your motivations and why you're giving them gifts in the first place, and tailor your gift giving accordingly.

Yes it's good manners to say thankyou. You know you're not going to get one. Doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results isn't going to end well, I'd be doing a zero thought gift that you don't feel attached to a thankyou for, if you don't want to call the exchange off all together.

I've been to two weddings recently, one was my brothers step daughter and one was my DH foster sister's son, so not immediate family, which doesn't make a difference, we put a good amount of money in the envelopes for them both and not one sent thanks ... I find it downright rude, I've changed my attitude towards them now.

@sofialiliy11 I disagree, we should expect a thank you, I wouldn't dream of not thanking someone for a gift or anything that someone has made an effort to do for me.

I think totally the opposite to you. If someone has spent time and trawled the shops to find the ideal thoughtful gift for you, and you can't even be bothered to thank them for it... what a reflection on that person.

Too busy my arse... it takes seconds to send a thank you

I wasn't referring to once or occasionally (especially with a new baby!) - but habitually to never say thank you @sofialiliy11 , but still expect/feel entitled to receive. Especially when the person giving is right there with you!

Also OP never mentioned expecting a hand written note as the only method. All methods of saying thanks are good. DC often preferred to write to people he didn't know well as they didn't want to speak to them on the phone or get into a text exchange. Usually though they would call or text to say thank you. They would always say thank you though (as I bloody well made sure they did until it was ingrained!).