Friend's daughters are so rude

Choosing what they like is about them
Getting aggie because they don't gush at you about how amazing it was is about you

Wow, how unpleasant. And untrue for most people, I'd say. I certainly can't relate to it.

Are you normally this triggered by the concept of basic gratitude?

Choosing what they like is about them
Getting aggie because they don't gush at you about how amazing it was is about you

Choosing something you hope someone will enjoy is very much about the receiver. Obviously if someone has taken time and trouble to pick a gift that suits the recipient, it's natural to hope it's given pleasure. That doesn't make it about the giver.

I can't imagine not bothering to thank someone after I'd unwrapped a gift that had been thoughtfully chosen for me, to let them know I liked it.

But you HAVE said thank you. Upon receipt

Expecting thanks after seeing what it actually is is making the gift about you rather than the reciever. And it should be about the receiver

Interesting. The idea that you don't thank people because they are benefiting from the gift , not you is messed up.imo.
I don't think it matters why the person has given you a birthday/Christmas gift. It could be convention or it could be because they want to be "lady bountiful". The point is ...they got you a gift, just be polite and say thank you. Because you don't know.
We aren't talking about a stalkers or twatty boyfriends obviously . The thread is about kids who haven't learnt to be appreciative.

To be honest I'm actually glad we only have a small extended family sometimes. Opening of presents should be a fun activity. Having to sit and write down a list of which relative none of us have seen in a bloody decade gave which present so we can write the right thank you note would just be another tedious admin task.

How old? My children say thank you either in person, on the phone or draw a thank you picture but we have to prompt it because there's not a chance they'll remember what is from whom, particularly when half of them they only see maybe once a year so don't really know. If I didn't write a list I'd have no idea myself.

But you have thanked them
When they give it you. It's thanking them for the thought, not like a thanks to the postie

Wanting praise for the "time money and effort" is self interest and says "I brought this because I want you to tell me how wonderful I am"

Great idea about the thank you cards!

That's awful, isn't it? Your sister is really at fault here.

My sister’s two daughters never once said thank you for the beautiful birthday and Christmas presents I gave them. I asked her about it once when they were small and she said they got so many presents they could never remember who had given them what. Nice.

My two DS always say thank you. They get to choose if they want to call or write. I feel this is the parents' responsability though even though my 14- year old is very greatful for everything he gets no matter how small and immediately says "I must say thank you". What's good with ASD is they stick to the rules😁

My mum didn't send thankyou cards, me neither, and neither do my kids.

What I do do is to remember what people gifted and bring it up and say thankyou the next time I see them. So for example, oh my goodness, the flowers looked lovely on my kitchen table, thankyou so much for that Sharon! It is so appreciated.

I think because I never experienced thankyou cards as a child I feel they're a bit over the top. It really doesn't bother me at all if people don't thank me for stuff though. I don't think I've ever gotten a specific thankyou for a wedding present, but I'm touched when you get the photos through and I get thanked for attending. It's not necessary for me though. I'm just happy I was invited!

Honestly I found the whole thing really awkward and could have done without it. I know that makes me sound really ungrateful and I never voiced this to my parents.

Well it's polite to thank someone for giving you something ( like you do the postie or the Amazon driver) but it's polite to thank the person for the actual gift.
Why would you not?
It takes time money and effort to choose and wrap a gift.

But even though you had never met them and knew nothing about them you were happy to take the gifts!

And?

You get given a gift. You thank them for it. Does it matter what it is?

If you expect gushing thanks over the gift then you've brought it for yourself not them really

They might just said : oh how nice , to their mother,
expecting her to pass the Thanks.

I cannot see how the girls are rude , they might be angels. How often do you see them and hear them conversing at all

Of course it’s about giving the present, which is why I still buy them presents. But I also think it’s about teaching kids the concept of gratitude rather than entitlement. To say nothing of knowing whether they’ve actually received it or not!

My DD were raised to send thank you notes the next day so it didn't become a chore hanging over their head. They are married women now and still do it. They are actually more disciplined about it than I am.

with younger people I send gifts to I nearly always get a text /whatsapp thanking me or a video of them opening it and saying thank you. I think nowadays that's enough. Written mail is very old fashioned - not to mention expensive!

The only person who doesn't regularly thank me is my nephew. I've only ever got one thank you from him (for an unusually extravagant gift). That's not his fault - he doesn't know any better. He's just been badly bought up.

I agree with the suggestion that you and friend agree to stop doing presents for one another's children. That usually happens quite naturally as they grow up anyway.

Unfortunately a lot of teenagers are like this nowadays. I think it's because their parents have never installed in them the importance of day thank you.

I like your style, funny and direct

.

I'd stop sending them stuff and if my friend asked me about it, I'd say it seemed like a waste of money because they clearly didn't like the gifts.

Moving forward, I would suggest :

• Before your DDs birthday, say to friend that you don’t need to do gifts anymore
• If the girls still want to buy presents for each other. Then let them do that. That way, you won’t be upset about a thank you card.
• If they don’t want to do that, fine. Just send a card from all the family and leave it at that.
• If the friend insists on still buying presents for your DD, then when it comes to this child’s birthday- transfer money to the mum and ask her to arrange the present. Don’t put any thought or care into it, other than sending a card.