Friend excluding my child

The 5yo and 16yo nature of the gift is OP's interpretation, I would like to know the actual gift and actual child age.

Regardless, you got a gift so if you don't like it just regift it. My DS was given a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle of flowers... for his 4th birthday, from a 4yo close friend! We laughed at home that they are never organised and the mum must have been rinsing round the house in a panic on party day. It's the definition of grabby to be angry about specific gifts. I agree with the others that it's probably past time to knock this friendship gift circle on the head, then you can just buy something your kids want instead.

Is your child’s birthday in January?
Mine is and over the years I have been regifted all sorts of rubbish that g head obviously been received for Christmas. Either that or they have bought something that was cheap in the sales because it didn’t sell.

What is she like as a friend to YOU? If she's close with you, then it is odd. Did something happen between you and her, or between her kid and your kid?

But if she's only your friend because you belong to the same social circles and you don't really hang out together as a pair much, then I'd just ignore it. You are just now very close with that particular person and she doesn't care that much. I know it sucks but there's always closer and looser bonds in bigger friendship groups.

Is yours the youngest child by any chance? If so you might need to remind your friend that you have contributed for over 16 years to her kid, so she doesn’t just get to ignore yours. Assuming you did of course.

If it's really this clearly only your child that is getting excluded by this person then there is clearly a problem, what you do about it is difficult. Is there someone you're both close to in the group you could maybe sound out about it possibly?

Have you discussed it with other group members?

I'd probably suggest a vote on wether to continue with group gifts

Or if someone feels comfortable to ask her if she would prefer not to be involved going forward

In that case I would have faked naiveness and told my friend she must have mixed some gifts up and now a teenager will have been gifted a unicorn.
It is weird to do this. I understand if you feel miffed, like everyone gets something special and she doesn't want to make an effort for your child...

I would regift it back! Or have it as a pass the parcel around the group.The last one to get it decided what to do with it! Someone else might love it. I am wondering if this was a protest at too much giving for too many birthdays and the OP’s DD has borne the brunt of it. You could take it to a charity shop and thank the giver on your Facebook group.

Seriously?? That’s just plain rude.

The OP responded after my post. In any case, I will not be rude to anyone who has given my child a gift, re-gifted or not.

I do agree it's probably better to stop these collections as it gets too demanding. Perhaps OP's current situation is a sign of gift collection fatigue and nothing personal.

Posting again as I misunderstood and thought no one was pitching in for your child.
Is it possible that your child's birthday falls at an expensive time for her? Although if it has happened before.....
Maybe it's time to suggest knocking the group present buying on the head

Read the OP’s update.
If it was obviously something not intended for the child, and just ‘whatever we had to hand’, then yes we would. Why should effort go into everyone else’s presents except one child?

FWIW I would be knocking the whole thing on the head and just sending cards.

I bet many of your friends would be relieved if you all agreed to cease all this gifting to each other’s kids for 2025.

Even if it’s not about the expense for everyone, it’s a lot of expectation and realistically, these kids probably get enough from their families…

At the point where some people start regifting their unwanted and unsuitable tat, it’s really time to stop exchanging gifts completely with those people.

I think you're being a bit unreasonable. My daughter gets so many presents once you include party gifts, it's over the top and most of them are fairly generic and random. I also feel I spend a small fortune on presents for other people's children through the year.

I'm not surprised your friend feels it's a better use of her money and resources to simply regift one of them rather than spend money yet again.

It's not something that would particularly even stand out to me as it seems common here to do this anyway.

So did they like the gift or not? It still isn’t clear to me.

I don't agree.

Regifting is fine if some thought has been put into it - but a random off-loading of stuff that your child doesn't want is rude and thoughtless.

Surely the others noticed? Has anyone said anything?

You will refuse a gift given to your child? That is way ruder than re-gifting. You hopefully won’t do this in front of your child and setting an awful example.

So your other friends gave a group gift and this friend gave a personal present. This seems like your child is getting favoured treatment, not being left out!
Did your child enjoy the personalised gift?

Blatant re-gifting is the definition of rude. I would be handing it back and saying 'sorry, my child won't like that, just as yours clearly didn't when it was given to him/her'.

You’ll have to knock this on the head pretty soon. What would happen is, for example, one in the group had 4 dc and another had only one? It just gets insane.

She’s indicating she doesn’t want to keep this up for whatever reason. I’d be delighted and suggest we stop and do something else instead. Children generally get far too much already.

I would think it’s odd but would let it go if this is a one off in an otherwise caring friendship. If not, I will reassess the relationship and match her efforts.

Have the others noticed?