To think that doing fun things for/with your kids is part of being a parent

You are being unreasonable for wasting time watching influencers and that rubbish.

I really like Halloween, we decorate and carve pumpkins, have a party and the youngest will go Halloweening, but we won't be buying boo boxes. I can see why some might think they're fun but you don't have to do everything.

We have a fairly full Christmas too but I draw the line at all the boxes, elf on the shelf and north pole breakfasts. It's just not my cup of tea, which is what I like for breakfast with a bacon sandwich.

You just pick the bits that work for you and your family. And part of that can be your own inclination or enjoyment - that's allowed.

I do think some people make an identity about being miserable about this kind of stuff though and I do think that's joyless.

Yes you should do fun things with your kids. If halloween cupcakes are fun for all of you, great do that. If not, do things that you actually find fun with them.

Don't really do social media but if the influences are just normalising low key events then that good. Way better then the absolute ott that you usually see on social media which I perceive to be more about the adults then kids.

Litterly never heard of a boo box until reading this thread and having Googled it have no intention of implementing it. I don't do Christmas eve boxes ( they get presents Christmas morning seems weird to give them more Christmas eve). I don't do elf on the shelf. None of this makes me a bad parent. I do plenty of fun stuff with my kids. Today we built lego, went for a swim and watched a movie. That perfectly fine and enjoyable just not something that can be splashed all over social media.

Yeah, but that is not new, at all. There are centuries of parenting experience on that front. The children need to be taught how to cope with not getting everything they want, or others have.

Do as much as you can, it is good for both of you.
There was a trend on doing never ending things, that too vast amounts of time, on top of daily life.
The best is not to enslave yourself, but do happy activities with them.
Happy middle ground.

I think there are so many types of parents it’s hard to say.

In the ideal world every parent makes an effort to do a little beyond the survival stuff (fed, cleaned, warm etc). Some parents have other things going on; too many children; children with additional needs; work; health; not much support; laziness…

I would hope that everyone is in a position to give their children a nice enough childhood where they have memories - even if it is a few outings; the odd baking etc. but there is also nothing wrong with living your life and bringing your children along with you. As long as there isn’t any neglect.

What you need to understand is the Internet and influencers are not real. You see a very small part of their lives that is all. You are not their friend, it's a job and they are doing it for money and targeting vulnerable people in the process. If you can't separate fact from fiction and are a guliable person the Internet is not the best place for you.

I don't know what any of that is like really. My mum just stuck me in front of the TV as a kid, she didn't spend much time with me.

My friends who are parents tend to sit with their kids or take them to places but not really interact with them unless they're doing something wrong.

I invited one mum to come and play with me and her kids, we had their Lego out and were telling a story together having built it, and she looked awkward and said she didn't know how.

Or the children themselves. "Everyone else has a ...." boo box, elf on the shelf, santa train ticket etc etc et.

Society in general. Social media, friends, family etc

This. It feels like people have lost all sense of making their own decisions and rely on influences to run their lives. Some people like to keep things simple and buy supermarket outfits for Halloween, some like to go all out and make their own and some do something in the middle. It's all perfectly acceptable.

Social media or friends. For me I look at things like boo baskets, Christmas Eve boxes and think no not for me, I’m not doing that for DS. But some mums would feel guilty.

Or maybe a friend is taking their kids out for trick or treating in expensive costumes, taking them pumpkin patch and they feel bad they can’t afford it themselves.

I think it depends on the person but honestly no one should feel jealous / bad

It feels like they are trying to normalise NOT doing everything.

I like baking with mine but I do not like anything Halloween related so we won’t be doing it.

I’d see it as them trying to provide an antidote to the ‘boo boxes’ (really?) and pumpkin picking

Wtf are boo boxes and North Pole breakfasts?!

It sounds like some insta mums are protesting some of the absolute shite that is cooked up in the name of performative parenting and that’s fine with me.

Just because they've said they won't be doing a few things doesn't mean they won't do anything for their children. They just won't do those specific things. Do you do every single little thing that your children might enjoy? Surely it's normal to do some things, and not do others?

Halloween for example. We've done a couple of pumpkin trails at some national trust & nature park places (DDs are 5 and 2 and love these), and will make cupcakes that DD1 can decorate in a Halloween way (we do regular baking anyway, this will just have Halloween decorations). But I won't do trick or treating, nor will I buy a costume for DD2 to wear to nursery. Am I awful? Or am I just doing what most people do and choosing do certain things and not do others.

For me, it’s about balance.

I detest events set up purely for children (kids’ parties) but I love seasonal activities. When mine were younger we’d do Halloween / Christmas crafts but very few special events. We love a spooky walk through the graveyard followed by a scary film with pizza but I loathe organised fun. At Christmas I go all out with decorations and food but the magic is not about following the masses: I’ve never done Elf on the Shelf or Christmas Eve boxes. We love a walk to see the lights or a carol service & pub trip. I wouldn’t dream of spending hundreds on a zoo trip or something tho because my kids are just as happy doing the things we do!

These types on tiktok are trying to normalise low key halloween/Christmas etc to help people who feel like everyone goes overboard realise they shouldnt pressure themselves.

Eg i will not be crafting a wonderful costume, spending a fortune at a pumpkin picking place and making a boo box.

I will be picking up a costume, carving a pumkin and guising. All for kids, not my idea of fun but definite middle ground between ott celebration.

Ott celebration fine if you enjoy it and can afford it, but nice to normalise everyday life for those feeling overwhelmed trying to keep up.

Who is pressuring mothers though? Other women?

Of course I do 'fun' things with my kids but I also refuse to put myself under financial and mental pressure at the same time. No boo boxes, costumes, trails here.

I don’t tend to bother with stuff like that either, although we have put a few Halloween decorations up because my ds really wanted to! But I always feel a bit of an outlier as I’d far far rather go out with mine - MN seem very into chilling at home but we seem to get a bit crabby and annoyed with one another quite fast! That said that’s my ds, I can chill a bit more with dd, she just seems a bit more laid back somehow!

Do things with and for their kids? What’s the point of having them otherwise?

It isn’t parents though, is it? It’s mums and that’s part of the problem.

No one is pressuring dads to bake Halloween cupcakes or give their children boo boxes.

The answer about what’s the harm being a mum that enjoys participating in every event - there isn’t any harm but it’s also OK to not want to participate too.

My guess is it’s because it’s become the norm these days to have to constantly be entertaining your child, participating in every event.

It seems to be the norm to take your child to the zoo, soft play, a seasonal event every weekend.

There is so much pressure on parents these days to do every event.

I assume these influences are showing the reality of being a parent and normalising that ITS OK not to participate in every event.