AIBU to keep my baby with me when she’s unwell?

Scarlet fever is very serious without antibiotics - like pp I am concerned that you were given the wrong information or misunderstood. Was there some question mark over whether your baby actually has scarlet fever? That is the only reason I can think of for delaying the start of antibiotics.

I have just checked the NHS guidelines and they are still the same as the last time I looked - antibiotics started immediately as after 24 hours on them it means the patient is not infectious to others (as this is a MAJOR health risk, it is a notifiable disease), not to mention reducing the risk of very severe complications including death. Sorry to mention that but you do say you have a medical background so I’m sure you’re aware what the mortality rate was for scarlet fever before the invention of antibiotics.

when my dc had scarlet fever it was the most concerned I’ve ever been for their health - more than when they were admitted to hospital for various other injuries and illnesses. It was an outbreak at school and one girl was left with kidney failure. I cannot fathom my MIL being in charge of such a sick child so I’m glad you’ve got the support you need on Mumsnet.

Yes I agree.
Op you can also flee to your own family home with your baby if this doesn't improve. Please call a dv charity that specializes in cultural awareness practice there are many and your health visitor can help you if you tell them what's going on

Opened this thread assuming it was going to be about a workplace creche or a holiday villa room arrangement or a hairdresser wanting her baby at work.

That it's about you in your own home is mind boggling, honestly.

Sorry OP this made my blood run cold. Please speak to your health visitor, midwife, whatever, someone. This isn't normal. I don't want to scare you but what if they're trying to set a precedent for you being an unfit mother and take your baby to their home country? Before you call me paranoid, it does happen.

It doesn't matter what your husband's culture "demands", you are living in England, you are your baby's mother and your baby wants and needs YOU. Your baby lived inside you for 9 months, they recognise and are comforted by your heart beat and your scent. You need to spend time with your baby and bond, not be isolated from each other.

You can tell your MIL that you hope she has enjoyed her 1-on-1 time with the baby but that's going to stop now. If she carries on trying to undermine you, tell her to leave. What kind of an abusive cunt would make a new mother feel like she isn't good enough? I don't like this at all and I hope you get some professional help.

I can see how it would generally be annoying to you if you feel you can't say no to her but, equally, you don't need to monitor her every minute of 24h to make a decision about antibiotics. So if this is the reason you are giving your MIL, I am not surprised she thinks you are unreasonable. Why not just say what you really feel?

What on earth does she do with the baby all day?

My husband’s culture demands this kind of respect.

It's not respect though is it?

It's being forced to do as you are told.

None of this is normal, OP. I'm also really surprised that you were told to delay the start of antibiotics for 2 days- are you sure you understood that correctly?

Of course you’re not unreasonable. No way would I allow anyone to take my baby off of me for several hours just to hang out in another room without me, whether baby was sick or not though. Out for a walk or to feed the ducks without me, sure but what your MIL does makes me feel very uneasy.

She normally takes the baby to her room and I won’t see her all day.

Excuse me?!!

WTAF there is no way in hell it's reasonable for MIL to take the baby away for hours, healthy or unhealthy. Is she playing at pretending to be momma again? Baby needs actual mum. Not grandma playing pretend. Grandma is nice to see but does not get to call the shots and if she can't respect you then she can fuck right off and it's perfectly ok for you to tell her so clearly and distinctly. You do not need her to like you.

@MojitoNoIce69 has your mil come over from another country to visit?? what is your dh thinking about this taking your baby into her room for all that time every day??

Unless this was a forced arranged marriage I think we need to credit OP with entering into the relationship with her eyes open. She says "My husband’s culture demands this kind of respect."

I don't agree with it at all, but I never would have married into such a culture, nor had a child.

This is such bizarre behaviour OP that I have to ask, are you safe with these people if you disagree with them?

Why is your mother in law staying for 10 weeks? That sounds like torture, and I get on with mine!

Can't you ask her to leave? Who agreed her staying for so long?

Yanbu OP

Get boundaries now. Don’t let her undermine you. She’s your baby, not hers.

From now on, you decide who takes care of the baby. Ie, you. If mil has a hissy fit/toddler tantrum, let her! You’re the mother, not her.

Foot down now OP, big fat no, baby is YOURS, she had her turn and if she doesn't like you standing up to her she can bugger off home.

Your MIL is being selfish and her demands are cruel on your baby as well as yourself especially due to your babies' illness.....I don't know what planet she's on as she should accept your baby does not need her right now, they need you.

No one, in their right mind would seperate a baby, from their mother at 6 months old, but this time its even more important that you are not seperated from your baby so you can see if baby needs medical attention.

Stand your ground with your monster in law, tell her to leave if she does not like it or sulks and brings the atmosphere down.

Your baby doesn't want to be with MIL. Your baby wants to be with you. Their mum.

Sorry but sod your husband’s culture. This is your child and you are living in your culture. Your husband and his mother will have to adapt to that. If they don’t like it, tough.

Do you have supportive relatives, a health visitor? Could they talk to your mother in law to explain to her how her behaviour is unacceptable?

That might be your husbands culture, but he's not the mum or the baby (and I assume he's at work all day). Your MIL can help with the household chores while you look after your baby

Oh OP this is just awful! Please take YOUR baby back and nurture them. You are the very best person in the world to do this.
Your MiL sounds unhinged or is she deliberately trying to form a stronger bond with your baby than you?
This situation is unfair to you and your baby.
Tell MiL your baby stays with you because that’s where they should be.

What the fuck?! No one would be taking my baby to their room for most of the day regardless!!

Stop her and stick to it. She’s welcome to go home early.

She normally takes the baby to her room and I won’t see her all day

Im sorry, what? Why the hell are you allowing this in the first place?

Sounds like MIL needs a reborn doll.

Did you discuss and agree to this arrangement before your MIL arrived?
Did you know before your married into this family?