Friend hasn’t brought up my pregnancy once

Having a baby is completely life-changing, exhausting, and all consuming.

So is going through infertility.

Wow the pile on the OP is so unnecessary. I cannot imagine the pain of infertility or pregnancy loss, but I also don't agree that the OP is being selfish for wanting to talk to her friends about her child.
Of course everyone should be sensitive to other people's personal circumstances, and if she thinks it may be due to infertility issues, then she should tread carefully to not brag or take it too far by only speaking about the baby, but for the people saying she should be grateful for a congratulations and not expect people to talk more about it is insane.
Having a baby is completely life-changing, exhausting, and all consuming. Pregnancy can be hard. It is also really hard trying to raise a child well! How can people possibly expect friends to not mention their children?! New mums need support!
Of course if someone is finding it too hard to talk to their friends with children, they themselves can step away from friendships, which is desperately sad, but those of you who have said the OP is being unreasonable for wanting to discuss the life she is about to bring into the world, are mad.
How can you say on one hand, that the OP is being inconsiderate for comparing infertility to other big life events, but also expect her to keep any discussion of her child to herself and that 'other people don't care'. This is a human being, a life, not just a new handbag she is talking about!!

I think it’s quite naive to compare not being able to afford buying a house with the pain of baby loss or infertility. Your friend has congratulated you twice and you say you’re aware that not everyone is as interested in your pregnancy as you are but you aren’t really exhibiting that behaviour. She might be struggling with something deeply personal, or shock horror, that could just be the limit of her interest in your news.

surely the hint is not discussing it?

My best friend was pregnant at the same time as me and then I lost the baby. I faked it best I could but in reality we drifted for at least a year because she was so busy and happy and I wasn't. I knitted her clothes and took gifts and visited in hospital but in reality I kept her at arms length and probably wasn't there for her like I would have been because i was quite depressed. I think it might have been different if I'd gotten pregnant again but that never happened. I think it's just one of those circumstances that isn't necessarily anyone's fault but has the potential to derail the whole relationship.

Again, nope.

She hasn’t blanked it, she’s congratulated OP TWICE.

Nobody who is going through the hell of infertility and miscarriage, which is an incredibly personal, private and painful thing, owes anybody that information unless THEY want to share it.

She might not want to take the gloss off the OP’s happiness by mentioning that she herself is having difficulties. Infertile women often get criticised for that.

Other people have already said on this thread that there are some things like these that they can't even talk about even with their closest friends. There have been things in my life that I just can't talk about to anyone apart from my counceller, I just can't and I can't explain why.

She also hasn't blanked it, she's congratulated OP twice.

But that’s precisely my point really the OP has no idea because her friend hasn’t told her so why is she unreasonable to expect not to talk about it? Yes maybe the Op should gently ask if she is ok or if there is something going on. But are pregnant women supposed to tip toe around terrified of upsetting people by just being pregnant and having normal conversations about pregnancy? A PP said the OP “threw her pregnancy in her face and didn’t ask twice” when she messaged her close friend to tell her she was pregnant! Good grief!

Then she should be able to tell a friend that. Or they’re not really friends.
She doesn’t have to go into massive detail or spill all her private problems but a short message to say - ‘I’m happy for you but at the moment this topic is difficult for me, I hope you can understand’
Just blanking one of the most important events in her friends life is poor behaviour. It just is.

Each time you've contacted her with information about your pregnancy, she's congratulated you. What more do you want exactly? You don't seem to know what's going on for her in this regard so why can't you accept that what she's given you is all she can or is prepared to give you at this time.

You need to understand that your pregnancy is very interesting to you and probably to some of your other friends and your family but not everyone is going to be interested in talking about it and that could be for a whole host of reasons that are perfectly fine and valid. I went through fertility struggles and lost a child at 20 weeks, I found it exceptionally hard to be around pregnancies or to talk about them. I was much better when the babies were born and safe. Maybe your friend will be like that. Maybe not. It's not really up to you. The only thing you can control is whether or not you keep the friendship.

I had very very minimal conversations about my pregnancy outside of family. I didn’t know who was going through what & didn’t want to put my foot in it if people were struggling with infertility/miscarriages 🤷🏼‍♀️

There's a massive difference between being childfree by choice and not. You cannot compare your situation.

You ask if she's jealous, if she is jealous then that would suggest that she does want children and for whatever reason she can't/hasn't. So if you have a little bit more of a think that shows that the friend is struggling right now.

Another thread where mumsnet is a parallel universe.
Of course it’s perfectly normal to expect a friend to show some interest in any major life event. Even if it’s a life event that they don’t find very interesting. A new job, partner, wedding, baby, holiday, car, cat……. All these things are part of the fabric of life. If we call ourselves someone’s friends then we should be showing at least minimal interest in what’s going on in that other persons life. Ask a couple of questions listen to the answers.
This should, of course, be reciprocal.
If I listened to mumsnet I’d never talk about anything except the weather and what I had for breakfast.

NOPE, absolutely definitely not. Someone suffering with infertility, miscarriage etc does not have to disclose that incredibly painful, upsetting and personal information to a friend just so that they don’t shove scan photos and pregnancy chat in your face.

She has made her feelings clear in her responses and not bringing it up, she does not want to talk about it, there’s your “hint”.

I’m pregnant with my second at the moment and honestly over the last 2 years I’ve come to realise most people without children just aren’t that interested. I wouldn’t take it personally.

Totally agree with this.
I'm child free by choice but always show how pleased I am for my relatives, friends and work colleagues who become pregnant especially if they've had difficulty conceiving.
It's a huge, life-changing deal so why wouldn't you talk about that with the prospective mum?
If the OP's friend has got some pregnancy related issue then she should tell OP. Even the briefest of explanations would be better than keeping OP in a state of hurt bewilderment.
Two good women friends in this situation should be celebrating right now.
Is the friend jealous?

OP does your friend have children? Do you know whether she wants children, is trying or going through fertility treatment?

Totally agree with this and I don't get the posts attacking OPs like this one. Of course you're going to be hurt if a close friend ignores this massive, momentous thing that's happening to you. It will do irreparable damage to the friendship unless they can talk about it. The friend hasn't said that she's struggling with the news. It shouldn't be for the OP to second- guess or mind- read. If the friend can't react in a supportive way then surely she should at least hint to OP (if she can't fully talk about it) that it's a difficult thing for her. That would immediately activate the OPs empathy and neutralise the hurt the OP is currently feeling.

You say you didn't expect to discuss it at length but a comment about how you're having a girl would be nice. The thing is, it then would have led to you discussing it at length because you're naturally very excited.

You say she was "terse" when you initially told her but then you messaged her about your pregnancy again to tell her you're having a girl (and she did congratulate you).

Like you, I had an abortion and a miscarriage before my DD and I remember the gut wrenching pain of seeing other people's pregnancy announcements and them messaging me their scan pics. I think the excitement of your pregnancy has dulled these memories for you.

Of course we don't know that this is what's going on with her. Perhaps it is, in which case I think you should stop pushing the issue with her. The other possibility is that she's just not interested at all in which case I imagine the friendship will probably fizzle out anyway.

Maybe it’s me, but if you’ve already had the conversation by text message, then why do you need to have it again in person? Like after you’ve messaged her and said you’re having a girl, and she replies what else is there to say? I genuinely don’t know. I’m 19 weeks pregnant and I don’t expect friends to bring it up themselves. There’s just not a lot to bring up at the moment. My closest friend is childfree by choice and has little interest in pregnancy/children and when I’ve seen her during my pregnancy, we talked about the same things we always have and I like that. I’m sure I’ll make new friends with parents of babies the same age as mine to have the baby chat with.

Here's that attention you ordered OP

But the fact OP has no clue what is going on is exactly the point. This friend could be struggling with infertility, this friend could be suffering with recurrent miscarriages, this friend could have lost a baby.

Those are not things that many people share, even with their closest friends.

I had a friend like that, and perhaps unsurprisingly she is no longer my friend.