Friend hasn’t brought up my pregnancy once

What's going on in her life at the moment, OP? Do you think she's happy with where she's at?

I recall one of my child-free friends having a very hard time with another friend's pregnancy news. They were happy not having kids but had gone through a horrible breakup, selling of joint property etc, and she wasn't in the best place to (in her view) start losing her best friends to babies. Not a great reaction, but it was what it was and adults don't always behave spectacularly.

She isn't respecting you??? What type of 'respect' do you imagine you are owed because you are only doing what millions of people do everyday

Well I think the fact she hasn’t been back is telling. If she knew for a fact her friend isn’t suffering any fertility issues or had any losses she’d surely have come back to tell us. And calling infertile women weirdos, how lovely.

You mean possible fertility issues. No one has stated it as fact. Are you saying you don't think it's a real possibility?

Either way, OP knew she didn't want to talk about it after she initially announced her pregnancy and she still pushed it, then came onto an Internet forum to complain about her friend when she didn't get the reaction she wanted.

I suspect the friendship will fizzle out anyway.

I hope she's taking notice of the normal, thoughtful ones and not the weirdos being nasty to a pregnant woman on behalf on the completely imagined fertility issues of a woman they've never met.

I agree, but also, pregnancy isn't always smooth sailing, and many women suffer from postnatal depression etc. Which again, is very hard to talk about if no one ever asks.
There is no need to compare the two, no one will ever know everyone's struggles, but surely that's the point of friendships, to have the support there for the different hardships/celebrations that may occur in our lives.

To add to this, I think more and more people are getting bad at asking about life in general. I despair at the number of people I meet who ask no questions, even though I ask loads. For me, that's how conversations work - I ask some questions then you ask some questions - but some people seem to get to the end of telling me their stuff (after I've asked lots of follow-up questions in between) then just wait for me to speak. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I like to be asked something; it feels rude to just launch into talking about my stuff.

No of course pregnancy and infertility are not the same One is e citing and joyous. The other is heartbreaking and soul destroying.

This

So the op should probably just avoid this friend for the next few years? As if she is infertile then it's best to avoid any contact which may trigger her? How can op be in touch when say on maternity leave? How could she not mention the baby then?

If the friend is not going to even hint at sone issue then it's just guessing

So safest to just drop contact for now and see if she gets in touch at any point.

YANBU. Having been in a similar situation, I found it annoying too. And yes, perhaps there are reasons why she doesn't bring it up, perhaps she is suffering, but it's not unreasonable for you to feel sad that you're not having these conversations with your friend. Whether to broach the topic is difficult. You either have to decide this is just how it is and move on OR you need to ask her. It's not fair on her to keep judging her for something she doesn't know is annoying, and it's just making you feel annoyed all the time.

I never shared my infertility struggles with any friends IRL. It's personal and people are not always supportive.

I definitely wouldn't tell a friend who had just announced a pregnancy about my struggles as I wouldn't want to make it about me. I'd just put on a brave face and try and appear normal.

I don’t think anybody is saying OP is wrong to want to talk about it with someone, just that it’s quite clear this particular friend isn’t the person to talk about it with.

But I disagree that pregnancy and infertility are the same. I would far rather be someone who is consumed in the excitement and planning of pregnancy, celebrating my baby being healthy, getting excited about having a little girl, than be the person who is potentially years into infertility who has lost one or multiple pregnancies.

The latter is always going to find it incredibly difficult to be around & discuss someone going through the former.

I suspect your friend has infertility problems and being around a pregnant friend is heartbreaking for her.

When I was in the same position as your friend and being with pregnant friends and colleagues wad so hard. Especially hard when they show you scan photos and details about the pregnancy.

Your friend has said congratulations, I think respect her boundaries and keep the pregnancy talk to a minimum.

What are the big things in her life right now?

Having a baby is completely life-changing, exhausting, and all consuming. Pregnancy can be hard. It is also really hard trying to raise a child well! How can people possibly expect friends to not mention their children?! New mums need support!

That’s true about being a new parent and actually having a baby, but I’m 19 weeks and I don’t have a lot to say. I forget I’m pregnant a lot of time to be honest. I’m tired and have heartburn, and sure if I was struggling with pregnancy then I’d want the support of my friends just like if I was struggling with anything but for (what sounds like) a fairly uncomplicated pregnancy, I think it’s fair for the OP’s friend not to bring it up. I’ve also heard some pregnant women say they hate everyone asking about their all the time as it makes them feel like a walking incubator so it’s fair to wait for the OP to bring it up if she wanted to discuss it, and it sounds like the friend has always responded when she has. I’m not a person who thinks that no one should care about the OP and her baby or the OP is wrong to want to talk about it but I don’t think it’s the friend who has to start that conversation.

Exactly my point, one doesn't top the other. Both are equally entitled to feel their feelings. But the people saying the OP is in the wrong for wanting to talk about her baby, are just as wrong as the people saying a friend with fertility problems should just tell her etc.

I'm not saying the OP should expect this friend to want to be the one who she has long discussions with. But the generalisation that "people don't care about your children" or "your children aren't interesting to other people" is so sad. Surely friends would care enough about the human life you created to at least ask about them.

I really hope you're taking notice of the replies OP.

I think that just because you don't feel like having a miscarriage would stop you from excitedly discussing a friends pregnancy, doesn't mean that it wouldn't affect other people in a different way.
I think fertility and pregnancy can be extremely emotional topics for people and I think you should accept that for whatever reason, this friend doesn't feel comfortable bringing up your pregnancy in conversation and respect that.
You obviously have plenty of other people that you can talk about it with.

I cannot imagine the pain of infertility or pregnancy loss

Clearly.

Infertility is also life-changing, exhausting and all consuming. One of my friends has been through 5 years of infertility, countless appointments, daily injections, invasive tests, surgeries, egg extractions, IUI, IVF. She didn’t share this information with us until very recently, she was absolutely going through enough without feeling she HAD to share that info with anybody else.

There are plenty of people OP can discuss pregnancy with, this friend has made clear she isn’t one of them, that’s the hint.

OP, it seems to need spelling out. There’s likely to be a reason your friend is clearly avoiding what would normally be the most obvious topic of conversation . She’s not merely disinterested, she’s uncomfortable at the moment with having conversations about your pregnancy and seems to be actively avoiding the topic.

With this situation, stop attempting to extract protracted congratulations / excitement / whatever else it is that you are seeking from her.

She could have lost a baby the morning you first texted her with your news - it could be horrifically raw - you have no idea at all. All you know is that something isn’t right. You have your baby and excitement irrespective of how she reacts. Time to be sensitive.