To do our own Christmas dinner?

A 3yo and 1yo? Definitely time to start your own family traditions!

And as MissScarlet points out - don't negotiate with terrorists!

I remember wanting that too and i was super bored. It just felt like a normal day. Be careful what you wish for

Your a family with a 1 and 3 year old. It's time for you to do what suits you, your husband and kid's. Why should your family split up for the day to suit both sets of parents?
Then brining a 1 & 3 year old on a car journey can be hard. If they don't get a sleep during the day they end up over tired and cross.
I think that your husband is right that you stay at home and have a family day that suits you all. Your kids are small.
I would suggest that you make plans to call over to both sets of parents over the Christmas period if they are not to far away from where you live.
Why not ask your mother to mind both of your kids for a day when you and your husband go shopping in the sale's? Let her enjoy the reality of minding a 1 and 3 year old and she might see them why staying at home Xmas day was a good idea for your family.

We've nearly always done our own Christmas and I absolutely love it. It means that we don't have to worry about packing and travelling and / or the house being spotless. When DD was little it meant she could open her presents and enjoying playing with them, instesd of following everyone else's schedule. It also means we've been able to create our own traditions i.e. none of us really like turkey, so now we have roast beef for Christmas lunch. Extended family members can visit, or be visited in the gap between Christmas and New Year. Good luck!

We used to do a big family Christmas Day, but it all got a bit much as the next generation started to get bigger.

We now all do our own Christmas Day, then meet on Boxing Day for a Jacob’s Join / Cocktails / Games ..

tell your mother to grow the fuck up.

Well why should it be with her? Keep reminding her that they have two grannies, who are equally grannies and equally your mums and you won't be playing favourites.

Honestly OP I'd be backing away a bit, it sounds suffocating.

I see my family christmas eve, dh pops over his mums for an hour with kids as she is on her own (her whole family spend the day popping over and she is not on her own literally)

We have been doing this for 10 years and just have us and the kids for a Christmas dinner. It's all about the kids, they don't want to spend time at a relatives house when all their new stuff is at home.

Not necessarily, we went to grandparents mid morning on Xmas day and came home in the evening.
They came back to us Boxing Day and it worked well.

You really need to start leading your own tribe OP otherwise you will have years of tit-for-tat.
Have your Christmas at home. See your family at some point and then go home.
You were not put on this earth to serve your mother’s wishes.
Your children come before her now.

I would not use the word terrorists, but agree it should be non-negotiable.

Hope OP you and your DH and children enjoy your meal together.

I am in my 70's and we always had dinner at home. Family visits before and after Christmas. When I got married, DH was in the merchant navy and I travelled with him. Christmas at sea is a working day so we said that on years that we were home, we would have Christmas at our house and visit before and after.

As soon as you have children it's time to start having Christmas in your own home.
It's unfair to give them loads of exciting new toys & promptly drag them away from them to visit family.
Christmas can be overwhelming for children & it's easier to cope when you're in your own home.
Small children need to eat on schedule to avoid hangry melt downs & it's far easier to do that at home.

Yanbu & now is the time to do it.

I'm in my sixties and growing up we always had Christmas dinner at home. My Dp had loads of siblings and all had dinner at home. Christmas night a lot of people did congregate at my dgp where we played board games and had our Christmas tea. We did all mostly live nearby and when I was older would have walked down myself if my Dp didn't want to go. But there was no pressure to do the same thing each year.

Have your Christmas at home with your DH and DC. Create new traditions. Why parents persist in pressurising their adult children in this way I have no bloody idea.
You can pop in on Boxing Day.
Do not give in!

Absolutely enjoy dinner at home with your family . I can't get my head around the idea of someone suggesting a married couple separate on Christmas Day to go to separate locations to eat dinner. We used to always visit my grandparents on Christmas morning but then everyone went to their own homes for dinner

Did you not invite any of them to your home?

I never understood people with young children debunking for Xmas. By all means say no we are going to have our dinner at home.

We love local enough and late mother was very much a do what suits you person. So we always popped up early to her or she came here. In laws were always invited but preferred to pop up on St. stephens day.

Do your own thing. You've done it their way for years and now you can start some new traditions with your family.

We caved in to my parents expectations for years and the having to travel, not have Christmas how we wanted it and the endless obligations and repetition of childhood traditions (that were fun aged 5 but not so much aged 35) ended up tainting Christmas for us.

Your family sound awful tbh - pushing for them to get more time with you than the in-laws and suggesting that you and your children don't spend Christmas with your husband and father just because they want to see you. They don't sound very respectful of your marriage.

Sounds like you'll need to be very firm.

And yes of course it's absolutely fine for you to want to stay home.

"he should go to his mums and I should go to them with the kids?"

Absolutely ridiculous, they think splitting up your family is appropriate??

So they want to spend Christmas with their child at the expense on the father spending Christmas with his children 😂😂😂 as mentioned don’t negotiate with terrorists and just do what you want to do