To do our own Christmas dinner?

That is something I need tattooing on me
Don't negotiate with terrorists...I definitely need to adopt that theme

As far as I'm concerned as soon as I became an adult I did what suits me!

Why do so many people get twisted over what their parents want to them to do when they have their own children, come on woman up op and tell your mum how you are doing Christmas day, she can either accept a visit or you can stay home before and after dinner.... she's not the boss of you.

We managed a rota, us, mum and dad and my in-laws. My in-laws would host gran as she found the kids too energetic. Once Mum died dad dropped out and has spent Christmas with my sis and her husbands ( one at a time) as she lives near him.

The my in-laws stopped coming as my MiL wanted to do Christmas dinner for the old folks (some of them were younger than her) Then they started coming over on boxing day. Finally my MiL was too ill to come to us and FiL never invited us to theirs.

Now all old adults have gone except my dad and we do a December visit to him and my sister.

Our family Christmas is now usually just the three of us but if DD and her husbands aren't working they'll come to us. If thing pan out next year we'll have both DD'S family and DS's family together

The point of my rambling is that Christmas traditions change over time. If you feel you want a quieter Christmas at home that's fine.

Haha, what an excellent result!

Very much agree with this. We don't like Christmas dinner here so we make a buffet. We're in Norway then anyway so I suppose easier (they do the 24th), but even when we've had the odd year here at home, it's the same. Pasties, hummus, crisps, cheese. Kids play with their toys in their pj's, we join in, stick telly on if we like. MiL comes around for the buffet but she's very good and brings her own pj's and joins in!

There's a whole week of meet ups, parties, and then all of the stuff in the run up to be social. Plus NYE. We just want one day that's completely for us, focusing on each other. I know people say "but you can do that any weekend", but it does feel different as it's Christmas Day. I like the company of my immediate family then!

Too right.
Every year we see dozens of anxious posts from MNers worrying about being expected to go to their parents, or the in-laws, or grandparents or whatever, and feeling pulled in all directions trying to do what everyone else wants.
You’re a grown up OP, just tell them you’re staying at home this year and ignore their whining.

My in-laws threatened to go to the other side of the world this year for Christmas because (and this is a direct quote): "We are now in a position financially where we could eat the kinds of food your wife (that's me) serves at Christmas ANY day of the year, if we wanted to. And that takes the shine off it. Also we don't want any gifts, because we are able to afford anything we want for ourselves any time."

I think they're missing the point of Christmas. But anyway...

I didn't bite and so they booked their flight. Buh-bye.

Stop being such a mummy's girl. Why do you need to do things her way? You've had children of your own, surely you are an adult who can decide what you want to do.
Let her fume, that's her problem!
You have such young kids, your life needs to revolve around them not your selfish and petulant mother.

Op you are grown adults with kids of your own, stop asking permission from mum and dad about what to do with your own lives. Let them fume. What selfish idiots to do this to their kids. They've had their turn to do it their way so now they need to fit in with what you're doing.

LuckySantangelo35 · Today 12:16
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I don’t get this on mumsnet - everyone always wants Christmas dinner in their own home! Surely if you go to family it’s all social, bit more of Christmassy social atmosphere and you don’t have to cook - winner!

Nope. Pyjamas and telly all day. Curry for dinner if we like or just cheese and biscuits. Or crisps. After 35 years of doing Christmas dinners, just can’t be arsed with Christmassy social atmospheres anymore.
Family welcome to join us but they know the score (and usually do, though not Christmas Day)

I don’t get this on mumsnet - everyone always wants Christmas dinner in their own home! Surely if you go to family it’s all social, bit more of Christmassy social atmosphere and you don’t have to cook - winner!!

One of things I appreciated most about the holidays is my mum drew a line in the sand about visiting relatives for Christmas. In our case it would have meant a 10 hour drive and she just said no. So we always had a small family Christmas at home.

When I moved away me and DH did the ‘travel to family’ for Christmas for a few years but we got tired of it and finally stopped.

Now as an adult my DH and still have an ‘us only’ Christmas Eve which is the important one for me even though we now have local family.

My advice… Start as you mean to go. The first one is the hardest, but if you hold the line it becomes easier.

Just beware here. Sometimes the price you pay for this help can be very very high. My DM helped us (but paid as a childminder!!!!) and has held it over us ever since as something we owe her for. It has really damaged our relationship

Oh she sounds like a bundle of joy, doesn't she? Right there in the Christmas spirit. Eurgh.

Don't be moved, OP. Have the day you want. She's welcome to come if she wants, and you've already said you'll pop around yourself afterwards.

I remember my lovely dad telling me that he expected me to have my own traditions at Christmas when I had a family. "Don't be dragging your kids around the place to see me! I'll either come to you or see you the next day. I had my turn.". As it should be! It's what we did as kids. One year we went visiting and we all bloody hated it; the dinner tasted wrong. The decorations weren't ours. We couldn't slob around in PJs, and conversation topics were limited to what was acceptable in front of extended family.

Rubbish. Do your own thing, OP.

Absolutely do it. I can never understand the great fuss certain family members make over Christmas day. I always go to my daughter's but have told her if she wants a smaller Christmas day to go for it. Sometimes it's nice to just be your own little unit and nobody should pressure you to give that up if that is what you want.

It's up to you, isn't it?
I wouldn't want to do it, personally. We always had a massive Christmas with everyone taking turns to host and having up to 30 family members together. When I moved abroad, this is the time I missed the most. We then started going to my ex's family who had the same tradition.
Now both me and my partner have families abroad and Christmas is nothing more than our "little family". I absolutely hate it and not sure I will bother at all this year. Teenage kiddo can't be arsed either.

Sod that. Once your kids got to that age we wanted Christmas in our home making our own traditions.

Do it. Your parents or in laws are not owed your company. Let them fume.

I was going to say that arguments take two people so if you don’t join it, it’s not an argument any more. With due consideration for what the other side wants, I just sometimes say and usually do what I want to.

But I like not negotiating with terrorists.

Your mum sounds horrible, tbh, suggesting she gets you and your DCs for Christmas (again) and your DH can essentially piss off and go elsewhere.

I wouldn't even be inviting her round for your Christmas meal with that attitude!

Sounds like you need to put up some firmer boundaries OP. You have your own nuclear family now, don’t let your mum influence you so much. The suggestion that your DH go elsewhere is frankly batshit.

Once our oldest got to about 2/3, weve stayed home. The kids want to stay in their pj's for the day, play with their new toys and chill out in their own home. So do we. If anyone wishes to come over, theyre more than welcome, we remain firmly at home and thats our decision, no one elses, if they dont like it- tough!

Why so many angst ridden threads about this year after year?

It’s very simple, OP. Christmas Day is about your children. Plenty of time to see wider family on Christmas Eve, Boxing Day if you want to.
If they don’t like it, well tough.

I feel like people aren't reading your post properly and assuming you want to spend whole of Christmas Day on your own, when you've clearly said you're just talking about the dinner part! You wouldn't be unreasonable to have the whole day on your own anyway but definitely not unreasonable to do dinner at home.

If you are close location-wise to parents and in laws I think you're really lucky...as am I. I love the balance you can have with this...I wouldn't want to have to stay over with relatives over Christmas but would equally not enjoy it being just us at home and tbh neither would DH or DS.

I find these sorts of things really hard to advise on because she is clearly really unreasonable but she won't think she is because if she did, she wouldn't do it! So there's probably no convincing her.

ETA It is completely fine to just want dinner the 4 of you...however agree with a pp...think really carefully as to whether you really want this as it does sound a bit underwhelming (to me!).

Aw little children need their own Christmas traditions in their own home…and certainly not splitting up the family just to appease people who are old enough to know better. Just ignore the emotional blackmail and put your family first.