To do our own Christmas dinner?

100%, it's time for you to have Christmas Day at home, as a family.

Your children are getting to the really magical age - about 3 onwards - when it's nice for them to have their presents under their own Christmas tree. Time for you to start your own traditions around food and rituals and activities,

Go to relatives on Boxing Day.

Does your mum provide regular childcare to your children? Is that why she thinks she should be seeing them open presents in their pajamas etc, not be excluded from the fun part of children?

They always conveniently miss that point, don’t they!

Yes, this is emotional blackmail. She’s manipulating you. Once you can see that, it’s much easier to ignore. She’s the problem not you.

Your DM can't have it both ways, she can't claim it's important to have Christmas in her home with her kids and her family around her, but then say to you, a fellow mum, that it shouldn't be important to have Christmas in your home with your kids and your family around you.

Christmas is either a time when kids stay with their mum at their home or it isn't; which one is she claiming?

Laugh at her. "Don't be ridiculous, I'm having dinner with my husband and children, not moving to Australia. 🤣"

So you are actually seeing them on Christmas Day?
Bloody hell. Are they this dramatic about everything?

Yes they are allowed to be upset, but they are upset because you are thinking of your own little family and putting them before your mum.
Now you have your own children, you do what’s best for them, not for your mum who frankly sounds incredibly selfish. Your idea of your little one riding his bike to show nana sounds fabulous!

I would txt your sister…. I am doing what’s best for my family. We are very happy to come and visit in the afternoon. But if that doesn’t suit you then fine.
Your mum needs a good talking to!

We always have Christmas Day with just the 3 of us. Once our DS was born it was very much our day on our terms. We wouldn’t even consider going to have dinner at another family member’s house.

Once you set the ground rules one year it soon becomes expected in subsequent years and ceases to be an issue.

It’s the same with holidays. They are for the 3 of us. I’ve never seen the appeal of going away with extended family either as a child or now as a parent myself.

I've got adult DDs and I wouldn't dream of behaving like this OP. They have partners, but no children yet. I invite all of them to join us for Christmas day, and I would like nothing more, but follow it up with an acknowledgement that their partners have families who would also like to see them.

Power on through OP. And I would be so tempted to reply to your sister that you don't understand how she can't see that it's hurtful to suggest that you and your DH split up for Christmas day .

Did your dad still go back home to his mum and dad and the same with you, your sister and your mum back to her parents??

I didn't think so.

Things change, they can feel put out but it is still reasonable for you to do different things and create your own traditions.

And you have thought of everyone, that's why you offered to visit after dinner, point that out, you could have really not thought of them at all and said fuck off we will see you on Boxing day.

Me and DH have always done this, even before kids, Xmas day is ours, Xmas eve and Boxing Day we do family stuff.

It's not even a discussion, if at any point anyone asked we just explained the above.

You said they are "fuming". So? Let them fume. Stay home, have a lovely Christmas in your own home sitting round your new dining table. Why are they all so desperate to have you with them?

That's their problem, you are perfectly entitled to do things differently when you have your own children.

Offer the visit after or no visit at all, you and your husband are a family unit now they need to get used to it.

So now there's flying monkeys guilt tripping you too.

No, OP. Stick to your guns, you don't have to dedicate the next 20 years of your life to sticking to someone else's tradition. Make your own. If you don't want to go, don't do it. Enjoy cooking together and letting the kids explore Christmas how their mum and dad want to do it, not how granny says it should be. She had her turn!

Do your own family Christmas dinner definitely. And see other family on Boxing day or other time. You are entitled to start your own traditions

Do it before you end up with a lifelong obligation to go to family.

Definitely power through. Do what's best for your children as you're a mother now and they come first. Ridiculous that these grown adults are making it about themselves. Our dp's come to us/ cook/ pitch in because we have young kids and do everything to make it easier for us. So selfish to do this to you.

Chrissstmasdinn · Today 12:53

I just got a text off my sister “I don’t understand how you can’t see how it is hurtful

That apple didn’t fall far from the tree, did it? Ignore. If they want to sulk and cut off their noses to spite their faces, that’s their business.

Your mum sounds pretty controlling and suffocating. I'd just shrug and say "well that's what we're doing, you're welcome to come to us" and change the subject. If she pushes I'd probably snap and tell her she doesn't get to dictate the decisions I make about my own family and then walk out. Honestly life is way too short to pander to people like that, whether they're family members or not.

I really recommend you do this! The idea of travelling over Christmas with small children and carrying their presents etc is very stressful. I think you may get a lot of pushback from grandparents but once you have done it once you can set up new patterns of expectation.

Make your own family traditions, I can't believe they'd expect your husband to be at his parents and you at theirs with the kids . You are your own family unit and get to do things your own way.