To think my SILs want to see me suffer ?

When you have depression you can’t use that as an excuse to just not work. I have had depression like others posting here and you take responsibility and get help. Meds, therapy etc, there are options. Then you get yourself up and work. It is so hard obviously, but many people with depression manage to provide for their family in some way. If he’s too ill to work genuinely he needs to be see doctors and claiming all the benefits he’s entitled to.

They can offer the stability needed to be able to take the steps to address the underlying causes. They won’t usually help much for situational depression but they can stop you feeling as if all you can do is stare at the wall.

This is not the responsibility for sil and her family to solve. You mention children going without at Christmas and sils wealth as if this is the solution. It isn't, the problem is yours and your husbands to solve. Do you work and help with sorting finances to ensure you are budgeting? Are you trying to work out what you can do to move your husband into being of greater use? Your sil will have limited advice if she hasn't experienced this herself.

What are you doing to resolve this issue and support your family / husbands mental health - batting back sils advise in such a no it all way isn't endearing.

Many people live and work with depression. It’s easy to say I can’t work, but that comes with repercussions. Your SIL are having expensive house renovations because both husband and wife work. I work with a serious health condition, because if I didn’t, my children would have a poor quality of life. If your DC have a poor quality of life, that’s on you guys as parents. Not on the SIL’s who probably work really hard for what they have. Why should they give their hard earned cash to their brother who hasn’t worked in 10yrs? Your DH needs to be doing all he can to get back into work. Work and a routine can be good for people who suffer with depression. If he genuinely cannot work then he needs to be ensuring he is seeing the right medical specialists to see if medication or treatment can change things. But if your DC can’t have the things you think they deserve its on you guys as parents, not his siblings

You are deliberately being obtuse.

The meds absolutely did something but they didn't zombify me. Hope that helps your poor comprehension skills.

I completely agree! He’s clearly very unwell. If he shouldn’t be on medication, then who should?

So the meds did nothing you just took them for no reason? Odd that! Like taking paracetamol for no reason...pointless.

He needs someone to help him. He is struggling and no one is helping.

Op, are you saying that your DH has not been to the GP. for professional help with his depression? If he hasn't, then obviously he should. It won't solve everything immediately but it will set him on the right path.

They clearly think talking to him won't help. Remember they have known him longer than you. Has he refused to seek medical help before.

I think perhaps there is a cultural difference here. I doubt your sil wants to see you suffer but simply doesn't see what she can do. What do you want from them? You say not a handout but that's what it sounds like. Families in the UK seldom see finances between siblings as family money.

Has he applied for benefits? If your DH is so Ill he cannot work, then he should get some financial support. He needs to take some responsibility for himself, his health and his own children.

The only one at fault here is your husband. Loads of depressed people still go to work to provide for their family. Your husband hasn't sought therapy and antidepressants in the 10 years he's been out of work? Maybe his sisters are fed up with their brother and how he doesn't help himself. You're doing your best, but your husband needs to actually do something.

I've been n a similar position with family.
They offered no support to myself and DH with our dc but resent us because we've been in continuous employment and saved hard while they have been imo quite reckless.
I refuse to take responsibility for their poor choices and it's only a family of the support goes both ways.

You absolutely can. Because I did. And without being zombified as you rudely put it.

Shame on them if they have been asking for handouts for 10 years when they won't address their own issues themselves

Sorry but your dh is the problem, not your sil. What has your dh done to change the situation? Why are you still with him? What impact does this have on your kids?

But what is he doing about it himself?,

I presume the children you both agreed to have are over 10 and were not deliberately born into this sewing you are complaining they to do without which means you do want money OT gifts?

Your capacity to earn more would help financially

What has your DH done to look after himself? His health is the issue, not your SiLs’ behaviour.

You have a DH problem. This has nothing to with your SIL, you brought children into the world that your husband has failed to support - why should other family members step up to fulfil his role?
They have given you the standard suggestions (anti depressants, council housing etc) so perhaps you need to take the hint, they have distanced themselves from your DH as they can see just how much financial support they could end up providing.
I also think you are not being genuine when you protest that you don't want a hand out, you mentioned they are wealthy, what exactly do you want from them if not money?

Which you can do without zombifying someone with drugs that do nothing. You can't get someone out of their depression and then deal with the root cause...if the cause is not dealt with then the responses will still be there. Seems that ppl have ignored his issues for 10 years and no one is helping what is hurting him....just ignoring him.

I'm sorry about your difficulties however also not really sure what you expected them to do for you.

As the person on the other side of a similar situation, it is incredibly difficult and honestly a bit frustrating to observe this and not question how it can be like this for such a long time.
It’s not a lack of caring, or feeling better than you. But it’s hard to know how to help (other than money, but not sure if that’s what you’d hoped for). In my case, any practical help has been met with resistance so it feels like they’ve chosen to just accept that life.

So you have a husband (and yourself) who have prioritised continuing to have children with no financial security, and poor mental health on the part of your husband. You don't work enough/ get paid enough to adequately support the family as a single income family, and you have a precarious renting situation. What did you want from your SIL, in all honesty? Because her suggestions don't sound unreasonable, but maybe you need to talk to her with a goal you want to discuss?

Why? Because they would at least allow him to function in a workplace and get his family out of the poverty @Smama44 is complaining about. That's a good enough reason to start with. Potentially too it would get him out of his depression enough to then be able to tackle the root causes.

"not had the best luck, been over consumed with having kids amongst other things. I've worked but it's not enough at all."

what does this actually mean? how much is to do with his depression (which i agree with others he needs to seek help for), what is his bad luck? how do you get over consumed with having kids? are you actually working?

I think they are trying to be supportive but distance themselves - i also think you are being disingenious in saying you don't want money

Basically all this OP.

If your husband is too depressed to work why isn't he on prescription medication.

Are they even wealthy or you call them that because they are better off than you? If their brother doesn't want to help himself why should they.

The chemical imbalance theory was debunked decades ago! There is no testing for chemical levels, you would assume if there was you'd have a physical test to see if it was high or low and your dosage matched accordingly like diabetes. No one gets chemical tested, no one says which chemicals, what units they are measured in, if they are high or low nor repeat measurements to monitor...it doesn't exist.

There is always a root cause....with assisting with functionality you mean zombify them so you can pretend something is being done?

They do not do anything...apart from make pharmacists rich!

It’s tough OP, I struggled with my mental health and cycled through various drugs to help me work because I didn’t have a choice. Not working was not an option so I gritted my teeth and got on with it. Your husband needs to get help and get functional. It was very easy to not care about myself but it started hurting my husband and thats what prompted me to try to get on top of it.

I think your in-laws don’t want to get into the situation of financially supporting your family. If you call to basically say “we are skint” it’s going to feel like you are asking for money. It’s different if someone is in a one off bind.

Your problem isn’t your SIL’s it’s your husband.