To want DH to say yes to a cat!

Yes so the deal is don’t get a living animal that will affect the lives of people who don’t want one.

You leave and find someone who also wants a cat dog rabbit or pony.

Same as babies there is no compromise really it’s yes or no. Only an arsehole would force a yes on a no.

There is no way in hell you can guarantee that throughout all the lifespan of a cat (about 18 years) you the cat lover will be the sole carer. What if you have the flu and spend in bed a few days? Are you going to leave the bed to clean the shit and feed it? Work trips? Nights out? How is going to look after the animal when that happens?
So yes, if one of the parents is not on board, the animal should not be admitted into the household.

yes wellingtonspie. obviously. that's why it's a compromise

I'm starting to see why so many women with cats are single.

Because the cat doesn’t stop leaving its fur on your clothes or scratching the sofa or leaving fur balls or stink poop just because someone else is the person feeding it or hovering up after it.

A cat or dog or hell a parrot cannot exist in a home without having some impact on the others living there even they don’t personally care for it.

Its not an ornament or a book it moves and smells and makes noises and requires funds to keep it.

i dont see why everyone in the family has to agree to get a cat. usually what we said was that the person/people who wanted the animal would also be the person/people who then had to be responsible for the animal's care. i don't see why the person who doesn't want the animal, should get final say and judgement instead of the person who does. and i love cats!

“Oh you’re on mumsnet I presume” would be my response…

🤣

"I wanted a cat but my ex-husband didn't so I divorced him, broke up our family and only get to see my children every other week" would be an excellent conversation to lead with on a first date. It'd give your date fair warning that you're a complete loon.

Being single/not restricting life for someone else has its advantages.
Wanting animals would be a conversation on an early date tbh.

@Billydavey 'Oh ffs'

The OP wrote 'Honestly think he may have said no because it’s not his idea / just because he likes to have control.'

That to me is a red flag that goes beyond the specific cat issue.

So park the faux outrage and look at the bigger picture...

My dh was non committal so i took him & the 2 DC to visit super cute 5/6 week old kitties. They climbed all over him and looked in his eyes to plead with him to be taken home. He could not deny our 2& 4 years olds one when they'd already fallen head over heels.

She's been the best cat ever, is brilliant with the kids and DH is a massive softie for her.

GET YOUR KITTY

Oh ffs

There are certain decisions that have to be unanimous in a family.

Nobody is more important than anybody else.

In the case of getting a cat or a dog the whole family need to agree.

I know a lot of "doggy" people who say they don't like cats. It's sort of like being a "Beatles" or a "Stones" fan, apparently you can't be both. They wear it as a sort of badge of honour. Having said that though, is he just a misogynistic control freak? Is he like this about other things? If you did get a cat (and sorry to ask this) but would he be unkind to it do you think? Personally, I'd probably trade him in for the unconditional love of a cat.

Because we’re talking about another living being. Everyone in the house needs to be fully on board and agree to a pet.

There’s no compromise here.

It is blatantly obvious that for a pet to be accepted in the family both parents need to be on board with the idea as the responsibility of its care lies on both of them.

Would you move to another town and/or have a child and/or become a SAHM, just because your partner asks you to, because it makes him happier, even though you don't want to? No? Why? What are you, his boss? His owner?

Why does her opinion count more than his? Is she his boss? His owner?

Yeah, of course you would.

Honestly the shite some people spout on here.

Because of course you’d end your marriage, become a single parent, only see your kids half the time, so you can own a cat which could go out and get run over the first time it leaves the house.

Of course you would.

Not.

Why does his opinion count for more than OP's? Is he her boss? Her owner?

You got it all wrong, lovely.
I think he is being grounded and levelheaded by not giving in to OP's emotional blackmail and teaching their children how to be assertive and put their foot down.

I think it is quite selfish of your husband to prevent your kids from enjoying having a pet and learning about caring for animals.

If it is a 'control' issue it is rather worrying...and not something I would put up with.

I would ditch the partner and get the cat...

I love cats but we live in a fairly busy road and I don’t believe cats should be locked in so we can’t. My daughter has house cats and despite a scratch pad, cat tower et. They’ve destroyed her sofa so there’s that to consider.

Only on mn would people suggest that someone ends their marriage over a cat.

I’m sure the kids will welcome their new step parents and step siblings, will be happy to come from a broken home. After all they’ll have a cat.