MIL is turning 60 and I'm turning 30 in the same week. Going out for a meal for both birthdays. My DC is a toddler so wouldn't be a good idea to take them to an evening celebration meal because we'd like to go somewhere "fancy" and naturally whenever DC is out for a meal with us due to their age it's hard to maintain a conversation with grownups, more like you get distracted every 2 seconds because either a wipe is needed or they want help feeding or they want to point out how orange the carrot on their plate is etc. Everyone (ie myself, guests, toddler) would be happier is the toddler stayed at home with the nanny whilst we go for the celebration meal.
We have a nanny who does 9-2 a few days a week, she doesn't love doing evening babysitting as she has her own children, is a single mum and (understandably) wants to spend evenings with them. However she's kindly agreed to babysit on one of the dates, up to us which one. We have a great relationship with the nanny, she's absolutely amazing and I don't want to pressure her if she's said that it's once per month max.
PILs are coming down for the weekend from their hometown (a few hours away) and MIL said she'd like to go out for dinner for her birthday. I can't be both at my own birthday dinner and at hers because we only have childcare for one of the evenings. I've said I can join them with DC if it's something like afternoon tea, or we can join for dinner and just have starters then leave (as DC wouldn't stay seated much longer, will want to run around, as it's one of those slow service, fancy restaurant) or we go somewhere more relaxed / not as fancy and I'm happy to be the one doing all child related duties at the dinner (ie passing the wipes to DC when requested, taking them to the toilet, maintaining chat with them or doing colouring so they're entertained). None of these suit. I'm also happy sitting this one out, but the idea is outrageous for MIL and DH because it's MIL's 60th, super important that everyone is there. She wants to go somewhere fancy without the baby but with me there. My husband insists that in this case I should ask the babysitter to cover MIL's birthday and he will just not attend my birthday - I go with just my parents and siblings. I think that's ridiculous - your spouse is a closer relation than a PIL, it's my 30th just as much as it's her 60th.
I'll add that MIL and I don't get on amazingly. We're civil, we can maintain a conversation but due to being very different people, me not being treated particularly kindly by her through pregnancy and postpartum and a few other things, we aren't besties. I think she also doesn't love a few things about me, small things like wishing DH married someone significantly younger (we're same age) and doesn't love that we do one parent one language with me speaking the minority language (ie I speak to my child predominantly in a language she does understand but is by no means fluent in, it's a common tactic to make a child bilingual) but it's nothing like hate or wanting to not be in each others lives.
Except the nanny there's not really many babysitting options - my parents are older and couldn't really cope with an energetic toddler for a whole evening / wouldn't want to, siblings don't live particularly close so it would make it logistically difficult, DC would cry the whole time with MIL if she babysat and shes somewhat disinterested so I doubt she'd want to babysit either.
AIBU to want to either skip MIL's birthday or do one of the other options I've suggested - a more relaxed restaurant, an earlier meal like lunch or afternoon tea or leave halfway through the meal? As opposed to having my husband be absent at my own 30th.