Reaching out 🥲

What will that achieve if the boy insists he is happy and does not want doctors?

I'm wondering if he resents being kept at home for so long and this is his way of communicating it to you. He might think you could have tried to get him into another school.

All this started when he began homeschooling. I strongly think you should send him to school or college for his further education. At least he will have a couple of years of normal life to salvage, and perhaps make some friends. I bet he'd clean up quick if he knew he was going to be around 25 of his peers.

i would have moved schools at that point - homeschooling is just isolating for anyone

college? he needs to have friends, and have a reason to make an effort - sounds like he is depressed to be honest its very sad for him

I’m a Clinical Psychologist who is trained to assess and diagnose neurodiversity.

I would suggest focusing your energies on getting help for your son rather than arguing with strangers on the internet.

Plastictrees
It’s obvious that you’ve never in your narrow minded life dealt with a neurodiverse child.

Hi OP,

I hope you are ok! It is so tough when that power shift starts to happen.

Im a psychologist, I work with families and children and I also work in a neurodevelopmental assessment clinic.

I’ve read quite a lot of your posts and what is immediately standing out to me is neurodiversity. Your mention of the American accent in certain context, paired with the sensory aversion seems quite significant to me. I know why you removed from the school, but I’m just wondering why you chose to home school instead of alternative education provision? We do look for difficulties starting when children are young (2-3), but it’s quite subtle things we are often looking at aside from just ‘social skills’(response to name/use of gestural prompts/ fixed interests/repetitive behaviour/ sensory sensitivities/ eye contact/ ability to build upon interactions and sustain friendships/ types of play/ flexibility to name a few). Lots of young people are socially motivated, but just don’t get it quite ‘right’, which mean they might seek online relationships instead of face to face, as the demands are reduced. A large number of families we see wouldn’t have noticed anything, often until later years when things started to become really difficult. If your son wouldnt consent to an assessment and he cant have information provided from + 1 setting it probably won’t go anywhere anyway, but I wonder about whether reading for you and your husband might help? Naomi fisher writes a lot about parenting neurodiversity and school refusal (I know that’s not exactly what is happening) maybe it would be helpful to have a little look.

I did also feel curious about his mood, particularly in the context of reduced opportunities to connect with other people. Neurodiverse or not I think it might be worth really thinking about this with him. And if he’s somewhat willing to talk about going to college, that’s amazing. I think where I work we would probably be recommending increased social opportunities and building up to going to an education setting.

I wouldn’t recommend taking a tough authoritarian approach, it may well have the opposite effect and if he is low in mood or ND, it would be completely inappropriate. Although it sounds as though you already sense that isn’t the right approach for him.

It sounds as though he would benefit from speaking with a psychologist, but it sounds like that won’t work. However, you and your husband could speak with someone about how to approach this with him and seek a piece of parenting work, potentially with a view that you might come as a family after some time. It’s unlikely you would be provided this on the nhs, but if you did choose to do that privately make sure you have someone suitably qualified (clinical psychologist HCPC registered).

Good luck OP!

@Outnumberedmummy2022
My family is Scottish and Irish and Celtic isn't a phrase any use; you're Scottish or Irish.
So not bitchy, a personal experience and tbf it's a bit pretentious.
OP is now going down the road of being bitchy and snarky herself, not sure why you think it's me 🤣🤣

Op you don't come across passive aggressive or defensive to me. Just a concerned mum frustrated with judgy comments. I don't think this is because of the home schooling but would suggest looking into online counselling as a starting point. With some of them you can just text the therapist. Would he be open to that?

The more you post, the more insight I feel like I have into why you can’t get through to your son. I agree with other posters and feel like you should get some professional help for your son.

Your interpersonal style on this thread is passive aggressive at times. Your last sentence especially. I’ve obviously hit a nerve and I don’t want to contribute to your distress any further, so I’ll leave things here.

The inappropriate touching by another boy was the first thing that crossed my mind. It is possible that he may have had a physical reaction to this incident but of course the poor little soul didn’t know/ understand what was happening to him.
We have a family member who was abused pre puberty. She is now in her 40s and has purposely ( in our opinion) kept excessive weight on.
In your situation i would see a therapist and give him/her the whole very sad story. They might be able to guide you.
I wish you well 😍

OP, having read your posts, I strongly believe homeschooling is the issue. He’s at an age where he needs to be in a face to face environment with kids his own age-it’s too stifling and isolating to be at home with mum and dad all day every day.
I understand why you took him out of school, and to a certain degree I agree with your decision, but I think you went too far to the left. Changing schools would have been better. He has nobody to make the best of himself for, no real reason to wash, brush his teeth etc etc. I don’t think he’s clinically depressed, but I do believe he has situational depression. His friends are not real world friends. He needs to brew around kids his own age.

OP you say your son is great at communicating with you - I’m wondering what he says when you try to discuss these things with him e.g poor hygiene, refusing healthy food? How does he seem during these conversations? What do you sense is his understanding of the situation?

And in what ways did things get a whole lot worse when you removed his internet access?

Please don't pin your hopes on college. It's very difficult to transition to a busy, loud environment full of demands and rules from such isolation. Without any qualifications your son will have to complete an access style course which may not suit him as it can be very low level and not linked to any interests.

Can you try getting used to a learning environment first, like a night school course that will have quieter adults and smaller classes? Or if he likes the pool, an improvers swimming course.

You definitely need to know what he is doing online. Sadly your poor son sounds almost like a safeguarding case study for all sorts of online dangers.

Of course people describe them selves as Celtic. What a bitchy comment.