I feel totally blindsided. Like literally like finding out he has been having an affair. (I know how this feels too as previous husband has done this).
My marriage is by no means perfect we have our fair share of ups and downs esp being both our second marriages and having children in these earlier marriages.
We have had a rocky start and now nearing 5 year anniversary. I thought we were making progress even spoke about this being the strongest year literally 2 weeks ago in bed.. I know I can be a difficult person to be with (so I've been told) I've had quite a traumatic childhood and first marriage and naturally I'm reserved and hesitant - my hubs a calls me angry and my first response to everything is anger. I don't disagree I am dealing with how to regulate my emotions and do have emotional outbursts (I think the anger is just deep rooted hurt that has been forced to take over due to being let down and abandonment issues). He has told me previously I disrespect him in my behaviours (how I talk to him speak to him look at him?!) I have taken that on board and am actively working on that to the effect I feel we haven't had any arguments or such incidents as he describes as disrespectful as I am eager not to have that said about me.
He equally has issues with alcohol and communication mainly and this has been on occasions been the almost last straw.
I have for personal reasons told him if he drinks alcohol again we are done. This was in September. I do not like his communication method which he shuts down and ignores me when he's upset as this is what happened this weekend and I have no idea literally clueless why - as we had a nice morning and he was the one who wanted to spend it with me, when I asked what's wrong he flipped saying I can't give him space and I should be able to read in between the lines etc. completely thrown but carried on weekend wondering what happened.
today he told me he hates the angry part of me and can't deal with it. That there's no other woman and he deserves better.
I normally can sense the vibes when things are off but I am literally blindsided by this. Feel like he has hidden behind my agreed flaws to end the marriage as he knows if he drinks it's done so wants to avoid taking responsibility in the ending of this. By blaming me I feel totally devastated as I know I'm shitty at times and can be loud and talk a lot but I feel like this is total passing the buck as NOTHING makes sense in what he said as we have in recent weeks been planning for future, he has made massive purchases for us, we have talked about reviewing our vows. If he hated me surely he would've contested it in those instances?
I feel like I've been deceived and this was his plan all along to bide time to blame the ending of the marriage on me not on his drinking problem.