DS 25 still lives at home

I know by some of my colleagues that they don't feel an equal in their homes. One said that it isn't really her home and that her parents act as though it's a my house my rules scenario which makes it even tougher.
She helps round the house and contributes as well so I do think that must be really tough. I do feel that if parents have that attitude then it must be harder than it already is. It can only work well if all adults are seen as equals in the household and not an adult/child power thing going on.

DS (27) has been living here since he finished Uni. We've let him live rent free so that he could save for a house deposit. He's just put an offer on a small house, so he will hopefully be regaining his fully independent lifestyle soon. We live in a reasonably cheap area for housing. Otherwise, there's no way he'd be able to buy on his salary.

We have 2 adult children at home and their partners part time.
Our house is very small but without a doubt it's tougher for them than it is for us. They desperately want independence and I feel for them given that it was possible for me to leave home at 17.
I try to give them a voice in how our home works and to treat them as equals because I can see this being how it is for quite some time.

Our oldest is 27 and bought his first house this year, he moved out in April. He’s single so had saved hard for a deposit and living at home was the only way to do it. He came home after finishing university, then worked for a year at McDonalds to get some money in the bank before doing his PGCE.

Our younger son is 24 and still at home. Earlier this year his six year relationship ended and while he now has a new girlfriend and their relationship looks to be serious, it’s too early on for them to be making any plans for the future. He knows he’s welcome to stay as long as he wants to and is good company so it’s not an inconvenience to have him still here.
He finished a four year engineering apprenticeship last year and has since changed jobs and while his prospects are better at his new company, he’s only just starting out so isn’t on a high wage and drives a round trip of 100 miles every day so a large percentage of his wage goes on travel.

Out of curiosity if your DC still live at home, do you allow them to have their partners stay around?

Dd1 came home for a year post uni, then lived in London in shared house/moved home during lockdown/moved out into her own rented.
Ds moved out at 19 into a shared flat/in with girlfriend at 20/ had a baby and bought a shared ownership place by the age of 25.

I don’t want to worry you, OP, but I have a friend who still lives with his mother (always lived there, not the case that he moved out then moved back in) who is 54.

My dd1 is almost 25, moved out at 18 (uni) and in with her boyfriend a year later. They moved back in here a year ago to save like crazy and moved into their own (bought) flat in May.

Ds moved out at 20 when he started uni and was gone 2 years until he dropped out of uni. Moved back in with us in September and is here now until further notice as he's on an apprenticeship. He's 23 soon. He'd like to be elsewhere I think but having seen his big sister buy a place he's also keen to get his own!

Dd2 hasn't left home yet, she's almost 21. Her and her boyfriend are saving hard as they don't want to rent and plan to buy somewhere together next year. She's a full time spa therapist so has studied and worked since she left school at 17. She's at the boyfriend's house couple of nights a week, he's here similar.

With all of them we haven't insisted on rent as long as they are saving. We do encourage them to be generous where they can, maybe buying everyone a takeaway every so often and thoughtful gifts for birthdays etc. it's amazing how much they can put into their ISAs when they don't have rent to pay. We've always modelled saving to them.

We had 3 adult children at home after Uni - that was an interesting time 😂. The last one moved out last year aged 26. They all came home to save for house deposits then two buggered off to live abroad. They’re in all really well paid jobs so we’re able to save a lot while back home.

Yeah it's around £1800 after tax, ni and pension

She's taking home nearly £1900 a month and taking the piss out of you.

Honestly, if it were me, I'd be taking £1200 a month off her in 'rent' - on the grounds that you will save up the house deposit she will clearly need to buy her own place. £1000 a month to go into savings - £200 for you. 4 years, deposit sorted.

Genuinely don't see how she has no money. We don't have £1700 a month left any bills to live on and we are a family of 4!!!! Be firm and tell her she's taking the piss.

My 2 BIL’S still live at home, they are 41 and 43. Have never moved out and came back. They have little choice though, both single in low paying jobs. Too expensive to rent

@DrMadelineMaxwell of course, 1k per month is a great saving, but what is the take home on 27k per year? 1700-1800? Do you have £700 disposable income per month? It only stuck out to me as I used to save 1k per month on 22k a year.

My DS is almost 25. He went to uni but was able to commute so still lived at home. He's now working earning approximately £30,000 and is still living at home. We are happy for him to stay as long as he wants, this is his home.

He is lucky enough to already own a flat which he was able to buy when he received an inheritance which gave him a good deposit. He has rented this out since he bought it when he was 18 and it paid for most of his uni costs. He will never live in the flat as it's not in an area he would want to live but one day, when he's ready, he will sell it and buy something to live in himself.

Eldest is 17 but he knows ( as we've talked about it regularly enough ) that he can stay here rent free if in education and once he starts work at a token rent so long as he saves and shows us his savings every quarter. If he can't manage that then rent will go up so we can save for him or he can move out and house share.

I'm not having a 30+ year old capable of working and saving living the life of riley at our expense.

Well reading this might answer the other thread about fall in birth rates

No. Dd1 and DS1 graduated and moved straight to London into grad jobs. Dd (now 26) has since bought a flat and DS (just 24, graduated this summer) is living with a friend in a 2bed flat. He is not a saver and has a lower salary so I suspect will be renting for a while.

My oldest is 25. He's on the list for a council house as we're overcrowded, but it will probably be a while till he gets a place. I'm happy to have him here. He helps out, pays rent while also saving, but he's a LSA in a school, so not the best paid, but a vital job that he loves and is good at.

My 22 year old has SEN and will never live independently, so he's here for the foreseeable future, when he's older I'll look into supported living for him.

It's not like when I bought a place with my ex when I was 19. The one bedroom flat we bought was £33,000, which was 2x his salary. A flat in the same block sold for £215,000 recently. Nearly 10x my sons salary.

I have no problem with him going on the council list. It's probably the only way he will be able to afford to move out.

Most of the people I know in the south that got on the property ladder in recent years have had some sort of help from their parents, late 20’s early 30’s sort of age. It’s bloody hard.

Mine are still teens but I'd say in London and SE certainly there's nothing unusual about 20 somethings living with parents and not even people in their 30s really.

It's the same in the Midlands and the North. Property might be cheaper on some areas but we don't have southern wages.

It's quite normal. Our son lives with us and is 24. He finished uni at age 22. He's been working on a very good salary and we don't charge him rent. He's going to relocate for a new job as soon as his background check completes and he has a formal job offer.

Is there a reason you think this is unusual? In my circle unless the son/daughter has moved away for work living with parents is perfectly normal

Its expensive to rent and saving for a deposit is what most are doing

DS bought his own flat at age 28 but wasn't happy living alone so rented it out and came back home - makes financial sense and we enjoyed having him. I don't see it as a problem. He lives with his GF now but we see him a lot. I don't agree that it's embarrassing for adults to live with their parents. I left home at 18 but things were different then.

I’m 35 and my boyfriend is 25. We live together but aside from him, every single person in his friendship group (I just did a mental headcount- there’s 14 of them) aged 25/26 still live with their parents. Their home town is 15mins from a city centre so they are lucky to have a lot on their doorstep and can save properly for a house. The reason I mention the city is only because after uni, I never moved back to my home town as it’s a small seaside town. I adore going back to visit my parents but wanted to settle somewhere with a bit more going on.

I have a 25yr old still living at home. He has a substantial amount saved but doesn't earn enough for a mortgage as a single person and rents are extortionate. I have zero problems with him staying as long as he likes, he looks after himself, pays his way and is good company on the days we actually see him.

My 23yr is renting with friends in London and I don't think he will come home after, he loves city life, and is planning a move to Australia in a couple of years.