DS 25 still lives at home

My 26yo has moved out, my 24yo is still at home. I also have my 18 and 15yo at home.

24yo is working full time and earns about same as me. She pays £300 housekeeping but is rarely home these days as stays at her boyfriends house a lot (he also still lives with parents but his room is bigger). I'm hoping they get to a point of moving out together.

One of my uncles lived with his parents all their lives and remained in their house after they died for the rest of his life. He worked, paid his way, had a good social life and was happily single . He was happy and no one thought twice about it in the family , it was just the way it was.

My dad lived at home till he was thirty (when he married my mum). This was back in the late 50s so it’s nothing new.

I returned home a year after leaving uni and stayed there until I turned 26 when I moved away to be with my boyfriend (now DH). My brother stayed there until he was 26 and moved out when he bought his own home. In alot of my friends it seems common to go and come back at least once! My friend moved back in with her parents for 2 years after a divorce at age 31. And she brought her toddler too! I’d say 25 is fine to still be living at home as long as they’re working, paying their way and/or in education etc and maybe have some kind of long term plan (eg saving for a house deposit, qualifying and getting X job).

And they don't have kids

I know plenty of women who work a few hours a week and their partner supports them. Not sure how it is any different to what you describe @Cm19841 .

@Seashor
That was exactly the right thing to do for you and your family! What a brilliant way to support your son and his girlfriend.

I don't have issue with my adult children being at home because they were working hard (for a time focussed on education and receiving support, then working very hard and saving for their future). But I also taught my kids to be as independent as possible to get them ready for the future - and yes that was in terms of what it takes to run a home, how to pay bills, how to save. I started this from when they were small to adults.

In our house all the adults (me and husband) worked since university. Our mindset can't get behind the alternative, so it would not work for us well to have adult children not doing the same. The lifestyles simply aren't compatible to share a living space. We are very aware of this about ourselves and made that clear to them growing up. Sent a clear message "we support you but we expect you to do the same for yourself along the way"

Another thing that gets rolled out here is, adult children later on caring for elderly parents. Me and DH absolutely do not want our kids to do this. Same token, I do not want to raise my grandchildren- like I see so many of my friends do (always women too!).

Each stage of life has expectations and I hope I have prepare d my children to be independent. I saw that as my job as a parent, first.

Every situation is different. No one size fits all.

DS (25) at home. Earning good salary (£37k) and saving £1000pcm towards a deposit. He is up to £21k. (Had a financial gift from grandma to start him off)
But we are in the very expensive South East and DS can’t move too far out due to his job.

He has seen a mortgage broker. Still not enough money for a little 1 bed starter home which round here are around £250k.
So home he stays…..

My son and his girlfriend lived with us until he was 29. We changed them nothing. They saved every single penny and put a substantial deposit on a house. I’m very proud of them for not renting, having a baby, one going part time and then wondering why they can’t get on the housing ladder. I’m ready for the vipers!!! Can’t wait actually, something for me to laugh about .

My DS's still live with us, one is 25 and the other 22. This is their home and can stay as long as they want. We live in London and both their jobs are in London but it really doesn't make sense for them to pay rent on a house share, when instead they can live at home and save their money for a deposit on their own property when the time is right. Both the boys are very helpful at home and do their fair share and have all the freedom they want. And actually for me and my dh its lovely having them at home as we have a great relationship with them and in turn they do their fair share around the house.

Agree. I love having my children at home but for their sake me and my husband have supported them to move out and gain independence.

Both have needed to come back for periods and say that they appreciate having a free place to live but they don't feel like themselves back at their parents house. No offence 😂
None taken as we quite like our independence as well!

In the examples a few posters have given where their adult children are paying very little financial contribution and spending their salary as expendable income, that isn't prudent. It's not a realistic view of how adult life goes.

One poster here has a child earning 27K and they don't carry their own phone bill. Another has a stepson living at home who only works three days and spends the other 4 days as he pleases. Much to the frustration of the adult whose house it actually it is.

Adult children living at home is fine. Adult children living at home with incomes expecting to still be kept like children without an urge to save and become independent (short or long-term) is really detrimental to the child's prospects. Work, education and building some kind of foundation for the rest of your life is what your twenties is for. Before kids and partners come along and all the other responsibilities that follow that limit income potential and flexibility.

Some homes are different but in ours it is expected to have "a plan" - and there have been 3 kids so far and every one of them had a different plan, and that was fine with us.

Interesting to hear what you mean by a plan?

Adult children living at home but not working full-time (3 days a week!!!) in their twenties, paying hardly anything and saving nothing is appalling. With no plan or end in sight.

This is a deal breaker for me if my partner was telling me they were fine with the kids doing this. Post 18, either in full time education or full time work, with a plan. Part time jobs while studying wherever possible. 21+ it's time to pay your way in any home.

I was 27 when I moved out 8 years ago. My DP was 26. Brothers around the same age. His brothers are mid to late 20s and still home. A sign of the times unfortunately.

I think too many parents, especially mums, do anything possible to prevent their kids moving out. To the kids detriment

I don't agree. Most mums I know are happy for their DC when they spread their wings. When my DS got the job he wanted abroad, I was thrilled.

He now lives back at home again (covid stuffed up the job!) and that's fine too. Like many others on here, I take the view that there's no point him paying extortionate rent when there's plenty of room here.

Most of us with DC at home aren't trying to "prevent" them doing anything. And most of us will sometimes fantasise about having the house to ourselves! We just understand the reality and are being supportive.

Absolutely agree @Hgg35. My sons are both independent, have a great social life, good jobs and are both saving for houses. I think it’s ridiculous and pathetic that people think as soon as they reach adulthood then they MUST move out. I don’t want my sons wasting money on rent, if by living at home for now means they can get on the property ladder then I’m happy that we’ve helped them out. Clearly some of these posters don’t like their children. As for misogyny? What utter rubbish!!

Both my ds's live out and rent. And the rent is extortionate. But they want to be independent and i admire them for that.

I think too many parents, especially mums, do anything possible to prevent their kids moving out. To the kids detriment.

We have to let them go and grow up.

It is very hard though. Im in the midst of it all.

Yes, because it's my opinion, which you should allow others to have without repeatedly harping on at them as to why it's not. Other people are allowed to have whatever opinion they like about economic situations that impact young people who would otherwise not choose to live with their parents.

You're the one making overarching statements that's it's "depressing". I think the housing situation is unfortunate but I don't think the inherent principle of adult children living at home is bad. DS could live out and rent, but he saves money with us. Some of his colleagues (not from London) have to rent, but those who can live with their family. I don't see anything inherently depressing about living with your family.

I don't know why you think it's "misogynistic" at all to live with your family until you find your life partner? This happens in many countries across the world and it's seen as perfectly normal. You save money! It's a good thing.

My DDs have all moved out, my DS25 is at home, it's just him and I, he has a good earning job and we are like housemates, he's no plans to move out,he's HFA and content in life, chores and pet care all shared.
Never understand this must move out, I had no choice at 17 due to abusive mother, it's a struggle moving out so young with no support, I'd never want that for mine.

No but if my son decided to move to London where we live he'd have to move home as no way could he even afford a house share. My friends kids live with one parent or both except two who are in the military but even they still go 'home' as do not have independent housing.
Affordability is the main reason so many stay at home.

Mine have, at various times, on and off. We all get on well and they're lovely and considerate. If it helps them to save money, that's good.

Why do people do this? She's not a child. It's a "forced saving" and you're being underhand