To not want to pick ds up from nursery?

I don’t blame you if he’s just charging around. Has anyone considered / mentioned ADHD? Mine did thankfully just chill and watch Cbeebies but I did dread walking up the hill to nursery. Not because I didn’t want to see my DC, but because that’s when my 2nd job started, youngest pick up from nursery, then call at the after school club to pick up DS and then home to see DC1 who was 14 then and likely asking what’s for dinner mum! Fast forward 16yrs, a colleague who just had a new baby asked me if I missed that age. He was quite surprised when I said no I don’t!

This probably sounds like madness but could you go home via a soft play?

Or, can you build a den (buy a pop up tent) fill it with cushions and a little light (again, times) and see if he’s over stimulated and that calms him down?

Theories being:

He is either over stimulated or under stimulated
or
He has been holding it in all day doing what’s been asked of him and he’s now able to be himself and needs a space he can do it in

It is not a fun time of day!

Who is guilting you?

Nursery costs a bloody fortune.

I used the 8-6 even on days off/ flexi etc as DS was happy there and it worse him out so he wasnt bouncing the walls at home. He slept 10-7.30 so I still had 4 hours alone with him every night. It was a slog.

I never got a priceless face at pickup...

I always feel so joyful when I see their little faces at school pick up, by the time we're out of the gate I'm tearing my hair out. Grumpy, tired & hungry is not fun. Solidarity op. No big advice, this too shall pass.

I hear you. I love my 2.5 year ld but evenings are hard. We generally pickup around 5:13-530 and try to get her to bed around 7:30pm. She’s a werid mix of hyper but tired. She’ll only sleep for 10 hrs overnight so any earlier is a bad idea too. I’ve found she has calmed a bit as she’s got older and is starting to like cuddling up for a book for example. But it feels like that’s only right before sleep after 2 hrs of bouncing off walls

I’m sorry but if you and your 4 year old have a relationship problem then that’s on you. He isn’t old enough to be the “problem”. I’m all for supporting mums, but either you need to see a doctor to support with PND or depression in general or you need to find coping methods to help you through.

Mum guilt is something we have all suffered from at some point. Parenting is blooming hard work.

Just a thought - does your son sleep whilst at nursery? If so, does he sleep quite late in the day?

My eldest used to have a nap, but then she started to sleep for an hour or two quite late in the afternoon. Obviously this was too late in the day, it upset her bedtime routine, and she was still bouncing off the ceiling at almost midnight when this happened!

I used to look forward to pick up so much because they were so excited to see me.

…then we’d get into the car and they’d kick off over something minor and I’d wish I was on my own again 😂🫣

The evenings are an absolute slog. My eldest is 10 now and it’s still a slog and a battle - making dinner (“I don’t want that!”), shower time (“in a miiiiiiinute!!!”), bedtime (“just fiiiiiiive moooore minutes….”). You just need to get on with it 🤷🏻‍♀️ no one else is going to do it.

@MerlotMisery how can a person not like chocolate? Maybe because humans are all individuals and like different things? Just a suggestion.

How old is he? It's normal for evenings after nursery to be hard work with 2 and 3 year olds.
If it's easier for you just leave him there a bit later? Then cut the evening activities to a minimum.
Or as an alternative could you look at different provision for him, would there be a more active childcare setting you could use? Forest school or outdoor nursery? Sounds like he needs more exercise?
Things will improve as he gets older

Gojetters? What about cartoon network so things like teen tititans go or pawpatrol?

My daughter was like this. She has calmed down at seven. My son spends most of his time if we stay in climbing and getting into various cupboards. It is tiring.

@MerlotMisery he might have undiagnosed ADHD for all we know. One of my children would watch it all day (if he could) and one wasn't interested.

What time are you finishing work op? Think the pp advice re having a brief half hour between work and pick would be very beneficial.

Sorry, how can a child not like CBeebies? The beauty of it is, nothing lasts longer than ten minutes. If you don't like the programme that's on, another one will be along shortly!

You don't seem very... solutions-focussed, I must say.

What is a chill day?

@OhMaria2 I think the issue is that he won't just sit down and chill or she would definitely be doing that...

A thousand times this! I hate that part of the day on nursery days. But they're just tired/hungry/ thirsty/ overestimated usually. But so am I at that time of day because when my son is at home we tend to chill and take the day slowly

I know about the guilt but you need to look after yourself to look after them. I’d honestly pick up later if I were you and use the time to get some breathing space. Try to banish the guilt, easier said than done, and remember you’re taking chill time so you are able to cope better. I’m sorry this is so sucky for you.