To not want to pick ds up from nursery?

Oh OP - I hear you on this - I ADORE my children - but the time between nursery ending and bedtime is really really really hard. My older two are properly at school and past it now (and very enjoyable humans) - and my youngest is blessedly more relaxed than the older two - but I remember feeling like those evenings - when no matter what you try you cant get anything right for them - we’re going to put me in the grave.

no hugely wise words - but things that workwd
for me

• snacks on the way home in the car / buggy to stave off the low sugar melt down (I liked putting them in one of those old people pill dispensers - lots of little compartments of raisins / hula hoops - they seemed to find it quite engaging
• stopping on the way home to shake off school at the playground (kills half a hour)
• a really intentional routine when we got home (shoes off, wash hands, prepared activity at the kitchen table, 5 min monster dance party, march to table for supper, eat supper, play hide and seek, bath, stories, bed) which they expected and didn’t fight so much

sending you solidarity - it’s really hard!

This isn't helpful in the winter but when the evenings are light my boys are outside after nursery. They get back at 5.30. Quick dinner and then outside playing until 7pm then in for bed.

I am missing those days badly as I think boys need it and then they are not destroying the house.

My boys are 3 and 6 now. My 3 year old has time were he won't sit still and has massive tantrums in the evening iif he is over tired. With tantrums comes the kicking and hitting. Now we use time out or naughty step. We are trying to work on the behaviour.

One thing my younger child does like is paw patrol and dancing. So often now at 6.30 we put some music videos on YouTube and dance.

Haven't RTFT but I think some people on here lack imagination of others perspectives.

I personally have never looked forward to evenings with my toddlers. I do love them and now they are in school do look forward to seeing them in the afternoons.£

Apart from toddlers being hard work, I often find I'm still thinking about things I didn't manage to get done at work, plus there is housework etc.

My son has a speech delay too and we've been told he has social communication disorder and now we're waiting for the paediatrician appointment . He's only 2 and a half but he's the size of a four year old and is a lunatic. Running off, escaping , climbing, launching head first off the sofa etc.
It must be hard for you with no support. I'm tearing my hair out because 24 hours a day of WOAH MY GOD!

OP, seriously, please investigate possible neurodivergence. Also big hugs. Big BIG hugs. I love my son but sometimes I don't enjoy him either. And no it's not what I thought parenting would be like at all.

I'm really sorry you're struggling. I have a very active child too, although he has always sat to watch a bit of TV. Mine actually loved Cosmic Kids yoga on YouTube on the TV at that age - some of them are quite short and Jamie is very engaging with the stories. We used to do it together or sometimes I'd leave him and he'd do it by himself while I made dinner or something. We chose a cheap yoga mat together so he felt 'proper'.

How is he with open ended play activities? I know it can be hard work to think of things and get them set up but maybe if you picked him up half an hour later & popped a couple of toys/activities out ready for him when he got home he might focus on that, even for 5minutes while you play with him at first, then perhaps longer sessions or a bit of time where you start him off and then leave him to it. I also found water worked wonders when he was wild. It's trickier now it's getting darker and colder but a bucket of water and a paintbrush or roller outside, or some 'heavy lifting' with a watering can and buckets. Having games like throwing balls of socks into a laundry basket or a large amount of one colour of playdough that he can use muscles to roll and squash also helped him direct his energy. And he also liked threading beads which took a bit more fine motor and concentration.

My boy is nearly 8 and still leaps about and gets in your face when he's over excited but is easier to calm and redirect these days. You're in the trenches at the moment and it can seem neverending but it isn't forever.

I have no advice because I know it is hard. I see parents with calm kids who sit in one spot and have the kid strapped in in a stroller for example, prettily drinking from a bottle and taking a walk (my kid instantly strains in the stroller, whining and crying, desperate to walk in the opposite direction). If we go to the park, she never stays in one place exploring and looking as some other kids calmly do. She charges quickly from one side to another, whining and crying when I rescue her before running off a raised platform or prising something from her hand that will cause injury.

Pick up is disruptive to the day as it’s no guarantee DD will be calm or relaxed at home leading to bedtime. I can’t use family either, no support there. DH and I do our best and keep on smiling through it. No advice, just solidarity.

Is there any reason you're dismissing ADHD? He sounds a lot like ADHD should be at least considered.

I have threads on here about how difficult and tiring I found parenting DS when he was a pre-schooler. I got roasted by some idiots posters who insisted that the day I described was typical and I was just overreacting / getting it all wrong. It was demoralising.

Fast forward a few years, and DS was diagnosed as autistic (high functioning). I hadn't been imagining it, he really was harder work than a lot of other DC and - crucially - there was a reason that the parenting advice from people with neuro typical DC wasn't working.

FWIW, a year or so later I discovered I have ADHD. It's improved my life to understand my brain better, I would definitely recommend diagnosis.

It is hard, I sympathise. We’ve recently switched from a mix of childminder and nursery and have found early on he is far less tired just going to nursery. I suspect the school runs with the CM were particularly tiring and he would get more tired as the week went on so by the time Friday came he was a nightmare.

i found the tiredness induced tantrums very hard especially when heavily pregnant and working FT in a stressful job.

my husband just didn’t appreciate how long it took me to pacify our child before he strolled through the door

Does he get enough physical exercise?

My son needed a good walk and run much as a dog or stabled horse did.

{He's an adult now}

But if he was kept in at playtime, {If the weather was bad} he would be prancing sideways down the pavement- so I knew he'd need a good hard run , despite the rain.

A GP I knew {4 kids} was a huge believer in exercise for calming children down.

Oh, it was your thread about you and dh being foul to each other. ... I imagine there are some things you can change here.

Apologies if someone else has suggested this as I haven't read the whole thread but could you take him later in the morning and pick him up later, or are you working?

My son wakes at five and not sure how I can change that plus I need to do school run. Wish I could wake later. 😴 No grandparents nearby nor do I have a garden. We tend to go to a couple of play groups or softplay. He just climbs so much but he is speech delayed.

There was a stage i finished work and went to the gym before pick up. No guilt here!

This is really sad for your DS. What were you expecting having children to be like?

You implied earlier that it was just you in the household @tiredsince2020 but you're not a single parent - you've had a trending thread all day about your DH and how you're foul to each other. He doesn't help in the house, sniping and bickering. Etc etc etc.

Is your DS picking up on the atmosphere, do you think? Is this one key area where your DH DOES need to start stepping up and you finding a workaround together?

Should you head to the GP - two threads on MN that reek of problems-without-solutions smack of depression, IMO. I feel for you and I feel for that lad of yours.

I always laugh as several professionals have commented "he's very hyper isn't he" and the majority of the times they've said it he's actually been pretty calm and placid compared to his normal behaviour 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

@IVFmumoftwo wake up a bit later, no need to rush, go to a playgroup or have his nan or grandad over or go to their house. Maybe play in the garden or go out. Meal times have to be chill because he doesn't really eat anything anyway. Watch some cbeebies. Just things like that. My son is a handful so you would think having him for just a few hours on his nursery days would be easier but it's not. Absolutely every little thing is a battle

I too have a 4yr old that. Does. Not. Stop. Ever. It's exhausting!! Different situation as SEN and language delay but I just wanted to say I feel you. Thankfully my other child is older as I'm not sure how I'd cope if I had a younger child, I mean I would because I'm a mam and we just do don't we.

No solutions, I've given up and just lean into the crazy now lol tbh he's actually a lot of fun he's cute, cheeky, funny and gets me to the point where I'm gonna do time and then flips it round by doing something to melt me 🙄 I've accepted I live in a shit hole by day and a Palace by night, albeit a Palace that's tidy but with ripped wallpaper on every wall, broken toys and knackering to set straight every night (shhh don't tell but sometimes I don't tidy every night!)

We bounce on the bed, run races, have dance parties, just anything energetic he wants to do for those few hours between home from school and bedtime. He has a tall stairgate on his bedroom door (because of his SEN and before anyone comes at me we have a disability SW and they approve) so he has a safe place to be put for 5 mins if i desperately need a time out (with toys in his "prison" again before anyone comes at me) Thankfully his default is happy and it's a million times harder when he's whiny which isn't often, if you have a default whiny child I'm sending even more love and hugs your way as those times for me are extra tough.

Like I said this works for me but I've no idea if it would work for you. I'm not posting to give advice, just solidarity, it's fucking hard, it's utterly exhausting but its my mindset of leaning into and embracing the crazy that's been the most helpful thing for me. I'm a single mum and aside from school they are with me every other minute of every day. I fully accept my wee DS is crazy, hyper and life is never gonna be quiet and boring with him around!

I fully sympathise with you OP!

I have a 3 year old exactly the same. He is absolutely mad 24/7, doesn’t sleep yet is bouncing off the walls literally every second of the day no matter what I do with him. He’s so full on that I really look forward to the days he’s in nursery but then I also end up collecting 30mins to an hour early as I feel guilty! Then we come home and the amount of energy he still has is ridiculous. He won’t even sit still longer than 2 seconds to watch tv, I’m actually jealous of parents that have kids that will..

No advice but just want to say you’re not alone!

Mine didn’t like sitting down or sleep that much either, she was adorable but so much work. I used to feel exhausted at the mere thought of having to go to get her from nursery. I don’t miss the toddler stage at all, I do look back on her pictures and wish I enjoyed it more because she was so damn cute.