To not want to pick ds up from nursery?

I’m a primary teacher and the younger children come in after lunch, straight away they’re asking when it’s home time!
They are DONE.

They’d have all sat on my knee all afternoon, if they could!
Tears, arguments, huffs. The works.

Could you lack any more empathy?

Wow.

Sometimes people desperately want and plan their pregnancies and things are different than they expected due to SEN, disabilities (physical and mental), post partum, relationship or work breakdowns etc etc.

Comments like this are why mothers are terrified to ask for advice and help.

If we all judged a bit less then I guarantee it would help prevent so many of the mental health problems that mothers face alone. A lot of women won't tell anyone they are struggling until it is too late.

You are blessed and privileged to not only be able to make the choices you did, but to enjoy motherhood so much. I am genuinely pleased for you. Not everyone can be self employed and criticising women who put their children in nursery is not okay.

Women being expected to "put their children first" by stopping work or going into low paid casual work/unstable work are often left in financially abusive situations or on the breadline.

This is why men advance in their careers and employers penalise women. Your views are the kind that contribute to mum guilt and misogynistic attitudes towards women who NEED to work.

Clearly your lack of struggle and privilege of choice has left you with an inability to show fellow women compassion and an inability to see how those views affect women in a broader sense.

Quite.

@Mamadrinkscoffee - in all honesty, she can't get the dad to step up. It's a significant problem for her. She started another thread about it, their relationship isn't great.

@nosmartphone Why hasn’t your husband “jacked in” his job? It’s okay for him not to make his kids a priority?

Sorry you're struggling. I definitely had a phase where I felt my child was extremely hard work and I was not looking forward to the evenings/ nursery pick ups. It can be very challenging! It sounds like you have a child that's full of energy (mine is very much like that too) and likes pushing the boundaries. Don't feel guilty about not enjoying your son, but try to seek help. No one can do it alone, if you don't have a supportive partner that's probably the number one thing to address. Get dad to step up, maybe he could do more pick ups if possible. Schedule some downtime for yourself. Do you have any evenings/ afternoons just to yourself with no kids? Appreciate if you have a young baby it might be difficult to achieve, but maybe dad can do bedtime with both, while you go out for a walk/ gym/ coffee etc. You might find you will have more patience if you have regular breaks in the week. Not sure how old your little one is, but if he's 3/4, I'd be quite strict with consequences when he's misbehaving. My little one loves being naughty to get a reaction, but I'm trying to teach him that certain behaviours are off limits (i.e intentionally spilling drinks, hitting etc.)

Sorry, didn't see this 😳

It was known as the witching hour here too, and I used to dread it, especially in the winter and it’s dark and wet and they can’t even go in the garden. It was like living with the Duracell bunny on steroids.
Sunday afternoon was another tough one, as lots of people do own family stuff and there were fewer opportunities to dilute the full-on-ness of it!
it does ( slowly) get better as they mature, but you aren’t a bad mum for feeling the way you do. People with placid homebody kids just don’t get it - my eldest is 9 now and it’s still hard work getting her to watch a film or anything longer than about 45 mins, but at least she’s stopped bouncing off the walls…..😂

Thank you for your input. I'm sure your comment makes OP feel much better... not. You made me think of my aunt who always finds the right thing to say when somebody is sad/feeling down. When my cousin's gf broke up with him; "Such a shame, don't know if you'll ever find a girl like this again" . We laugh about all her comments now because she wasn't trying to hurt anyone, just completely lacked empathy and filter. Maybe that's your case as well?

Makes you wonder why some people have kids.

You don't "make memories", @nosmartphone . They happen when the brain processes information, it's not conscious. They can be good or bad.
Some people have no choice but to use paid childcare. That's life.

I get it. Arsenic hour. That period before tea.

No. Couldn' t wait to get my child. That's why I had children. So jacked my job in and went self employed so I could actually spend time with them probably instead of handing them over to nursery for 10 hours a day.

Children should come first. Children are rdesigned to be with their mums, not a bunch of people in a nursery! my very bright first born tells me all sorts now about nursery and how much she bloody hated it (and it was in my opinion an incredible nursery) It's adults who kid themselves that the kids love going. they don't , it's like forcing them to a job when they should be at home making memories.

@RosemaryFocaccia
@Oodiks has apologised already. Everyone makes mistakes and that's ok.

I do sympathise, I worked full time and couldn't get my son from nursery until 5.30 pm. He was always tired and bad tempered and I asked the nursery girls if there was anything I could do to make him happier when I got home. They suggested I set up his favourite farm toy, it was a form of lego.

I'd set the farm up the night before and hidden it, I always had to go home at lunch time to walk our collie so I got it out then.

We walked in at 6 pm that night and my son rushed at it and smashed it all off the table. He was just too tired and wanted his tea and bath.

Which is why I apologized.

Agree with others, you deffo need to read the room. Not everyone ‘heard about their day’ from an <5 year old and not everyone’s experience is the same. I’m happy for you that this was your experience but that’s not how it happens for other people. And that’s ok.

Mine are slightly older now (youngest is 6) but I still find that 4-7pm a real slog. They are tired, hungry and generally irritable as am I, it was 100 x worse when they were toddlers.

Mine weren't big tv watchers when they were pre-school age but if they were being hyper I'd put some cosmic yoga on YouTube and they would love copying that or the just dance videos on YouTube which they could dance along to. It would generally give me 20mins to get dinner on.

My DS is 3, about to be 4, and tonight I've had to tell him to many many many many times to sit down and face his food, hold his taco over his plate, don't jump in the kitchen, stop with the feet (kicking them about, digging them into things) and no more mouth noises please. He's not a climber but he will just roll all over the furniture.

He's also super clever, very kind and gentle though full on. He is my world but when he's alsleep, we breathe a sigh of relief.

I don't get him till 5 and our fee covers 8-6 so if he needs to be there longer because I'm working, then he is. He's only ever been the last kid twice and I've felt bad then.

As for cartoons, he will get a choice of two (eg Peppa or Bluey) and often one of those will be a 90s cartoon. They are calmer. We are working through:

Rupert, Arthur, Blues Clues, Sesame Street, Magic School Bus, Little Bear, Daniel Tiger, Mr Rogers etc

Anything that makes bad behaviour we have stopped (eg Blippi made him feral and walk silly constantly)

We read a lot of books and he can read them too. This does lead to a lot of questions and interruptions. We are trying to say no questions until the page is done at least.

I don't let him the tablet except for a few educational apps Duolingo ABC is really good. And he does one that names bones in the body. No tablet after a certain time. Considering a Tonee box for next birthday.

Maybe some of those will be helpful if you haven't tried. That said, my sweet clever boy is still wild, tests my patience and drives me mad every day. Three is hard.

Hi!

Haven’t read the comments but just wanted to say that this was me for a period of time. I actually turned up to pick my child up one day and started crying because of how I knew things would go when I got home. I was very lucky to have great and supportive nursery and they took me to one side and we had a chat and I then had a meeting the next day to talk some things through.
I don’t remember (this was 6 years ago) making any significant changes in routine.
For me, I think having an open conversation with the nursery and feeling like they really listened to me and appreciated that it was difficult helped me with my mindset. They could see the behaviours I was struggling with and supported me.

I don’t want to try to impart any wisdom or perfect parenting techniques (I mean, are there any?!?) just to say that I hear you and I’ve been there. Talking helps. Keep talking.

Sending supportive thoughts x

Young children have always got over excited, or bored or tired or hungry or frustrated.
They learn, with the guidance of those around them, to clam down, find something to do, sleep, eat etc.

That's right.
Why sad?
It's bloody normal, and as soon as possible.
No harm there.

Why is that sad? Everyone needs to regulate, little kids obviously more so as they are new to learning how to channel and control their emotions.
Why would that suggest anything is wrong?

Clearly the wrong place to reminisce. Sorry.

Do you think your contribution to the discussion is helpful to OP?